Quilting Girl has touched my heart!

I'm sick, you see. I have been coughing crazily and sporting a mild fever and really special hairdo all day. Suddenly, QG appeared at my door with the following:

All the items that make one feel better:

• Italian wedding soup
• pea soup with mint, that sounds yummy!
• orange juice
• lozenges of cranberry for to suck
• peanut butter cups
• a card of caring

Thanks, friend! I feel better already, snif snif (no, that's not congestion, I am touched!)

Spinning through the Year: a meme I am pretty sure I made up.

I've seen a meme here and there in which you have to go back in your archives & post the first sentence from the first post of each month of the year. Fun! I thought I'd adapt it and post sentences in which I mention each month; now my very own meme has been born! Yes, it has slithered forth from my creative uterus to span the Internets worldwide!!! This also gives me a chance to see how good my writing was before I stopped blogging for real (did anyone notice?) ... please go back and read some of my old stuff and rediscover why this blog is so fabu!!! And happy closing of the year to you, my cyber-lovers. ~xo, Spinnerina

* Monkey and the Spinning Wheels in January 2006 (Grab an Oar ... )

*I can’t believe random people in cars have the capacity to hurt my feelings. Today, I got the “Go ahead, go ahead, no you go, go already!” wave from somebody and I could tell from the tone of their fingers and wrist that the hand was pissed at me. It bothered me for a good long time. It’s such a gorgeous day today. I can’t even conceive of how February will feel. My feet look f-ing fabu in these shoes. (Pad Thai Meditations)

*28. In March of 2004 I drank 3 bottles of wine by myself and scared myself so much that I never want to drink again.(100 Things, or However Far I Get)

*April showers bring May flowers. Happy spring HNT! (HNT: In Bloom)

*This past May, my roommate A. (A for Anyhoo) and I battled: Wasps, Carpenter Bees, Millipedes, and Spiders. I like the hymenopterae from a distance (not so much when their stingers are engrafted in my foot), but millipedes creep me out (have you noticed that they smell?) and spiders haunt my darkest night-time imaginings. (Close Encounters of the Bird Kind)


*Teachers pretend not to like snow days, and moan about the time having to be made up in June, about the quadratic formulas that won’t get practiced today, the verbs that won't get conjugated. (Wintry Mix)


*When I started blogging in early July, my main mission was to vent out some things that needed venting. My early posts were a mish-mash of ire-filled rampages (since deleted, so don’t even look) that nobody read. (This Posting Life)

*On August 26-29 of 2005, the London Zoo presented an exhibit known as Human Zoo, in which Real! Live! Humans! were put on display in an old bear enclosure next to the reptile house. It was so ridiculous. The one good thing about HZ is that it inspired me to write 3.5 really good posts in which I pretended to be a participant. (Back to the Zoo)

*I felt like the world dropped out from under me on September 11, 2001. (The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic I: My Ass is on Fire!)

*Then when all/most of the pinkies are up, I chant, "pinkies in the air ... pinkies in the air ... now do a dance!" and we wiggle in a circle.* Now I have their attention and I can talk. To this day the students who were on my bus to Boston in October pass me in the halls and put their pinkies in the air. (School of Life II: The Bag of Tricks)

*Shopping at Macy's last Sunday was a head trip. They are playing Christmas Music. Christmas music!!!! On November 6th! Apparently, according to their customer service, by "customer request" they start the music the same time they start their holiday displays, which is now. (Pomegranate Meditations)

*My desk drawer complete with cigarettes from Uruguay that Quilting girl found in a NYC taxicab on our trip in December, then hid in my luggage to find later. (a late but very special office Supply Wednesday)

Guess which kid is in trouble with teacher.

(thanks Quilting Girl!)

TBDOA* rears its ugly head in the unlikeliest of places

We must keep watch, my dear ... keep watch. For when we falter, when we look away, *Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals emerge in droves!

From Damasta:

She says:
Here's a bear dressed up as a butterfly. With a stamp? For to mail.. him..?
I don't understand, but it's for babies. HUH?!
Enjoy.




Enjoy?!?

At the Post Office:

I think the merging of TBDOA and a favorite USA icon is especially evil. I also hate the little love-tuft on his chin. Ew!

From Quilting Girl:

She says I now see TBDOA wherever I go, and thanks a f---ing lot, Spinning Girl!

Open your eyes, people. They are everywhere. What is this madness?

My girlypal Quilting Girl is very very much the most kickass friend. (a highly linkefied post; please spend the time)

1. In response to my Hey Doll post, she sent me these 2 horrific images: Eek! Egad!

2. She gives the best gifts. Including this:

3. An ever-vigilant TBDOA spotter, she sends me frequent spottings from her cell phone. She also comrehends that the TBDOA-Like Phenomena, such as BDDASS (Baby Dolls Dressed as Animals of Some Sort) may be even more horrifying than the actual original abomination of TBDOA.

4. She is a fan of the back-and-forth prank gift, like the Uruguayan cigarettes we found in the NYC cab, or the gigantic underwire from our hotel room in Boston. Both have been regifted at least 4 times. I wonder what occasion will prompt the next appearance? Bwahahahahahaaaaaa!

5. Together we flee the horror of the Boo Bah.

6. She was almost as excited about Monkey's visit as I was; especially on Bring-Your-Monkey-to-Work Day.

7. Her directions to places include celebrities' houses, like navigating to a restaurant via Michael Bolton.

8. She gives candy.

9. Together we produce the most kickass yearbook a middle school has ever had! Yes, and we won a major award!!

10. Thanks to QG, "I want that big red cock" is now part of my weekly lexicon.

11. These are her Halloween pumpkins:

12. She was with me on my Big Night. She got why it was such a big deal.

13. She introduced me to Dar Williams. Now I get it.

14. She never comes to a party empty-handed.

15. She kept (and added to) a giant jar of chewed chewing gum on her dresser when she was in middle school.

16. She lets me be her roommate every year in Boston (on the 3-day field trip to hell), and gives me the big comfy Queen bed. I think it is because she thinks I am elderly.

17. She teaches math. The kids love her.

18. She gave me this wonderfulness, and I think the fabulosity of this gift pretty much says it all:

A book of horrors! YESSS!!!!!!

Teddy bears who dress up and then travel!!!

19. We listen to each other's bitching. Bitching is the BEST!

20. We never get tired of each other, even when we tell the same story about our church giggles over & over & over.

Home From Hell Purgatory 3-Day Field Trip (I'll just post something funny while I recover)

As discovered by Quilting Girl:

(click to enlarge)

Shalom / party worthy / cork art

In honor of Yom Kippur (not Jewish but had the day off! yeah!) I had some people over, so I had to get my house more or less party-worthy. I think I did quite well considering that I have been living in a cardboard heap.

Everyone brought something; Quilting Girl asked if she should bring this ...

... or a salad? I chose the salad. So glad I did!

Here is my home 5 minutes before the guests arrived:

where the magic happens

the spinning bed; yes, I need art on my walls.

view to kitchen

living room table a la cheeses & dipping oils

living room ... does it not beckon?

not part of the soiree,

but I wanted you to see my kick-ass jewelry chest.

Then today my little friend came over and since

I have no toys, I let her play with my corks.

I have hundreds of corks ...

some of which she felt needed arranging.

You Tube Friday:

Thanks, Quilting Girl, for this!

Karaoke for the Deaf

I am fairly amused.

Sunday I went to the Countryishville Fair right in the heart of beautiful Countryishville, Connecticut. It was like most country fairs, with a 3-ride midway, livestock, games, fried food, and sad children. Here are some of the high points:

THE PIGEON TENT

Right next to the livestock, camel, and ostrich tent was the tent of pigeons of extraordinary plumage! It is fair to say that most of these pigeons were shitting at the time my friends and I went in the tent. I would also offer that they were pretty angry/mentally ill, judging from the erect state of some plumage, and the complete (torn out by one's own beak) absence of it in others. Above we see what I would call a typical pigeon.


... and here are the refreshments that were being offered:


Needless to say, I did not eat a cookie. Nor did I see anyone else eat a cookie, despite the come-hither appearance of the dining table.

Avian flu, anyone?

Next stop:

THE SCENIC VISTA

There wasn't any seating left because these two elderly folks had taken the primo seats with their umbrella chairs. We moved on, seeking vistas of our own.


I wish I had brought my shovel and wee pail, for next on the agenda was the ...

GIANT VAT OF CORN

I thought the kids were playing in a sandbox (or, as it is known in these parts, "giant neighborhood kitty litter"). Upon closer examination I discovered that the grains of sand they were so gleefully tossing at each other were actually kernels of dry corn! My bad.


Inside the reptile tent, our breath was taken away by this ...

DISPLAY OF RATTLERS

hyuck, hyuck. That's farm humor for ya.

Last but certainly not least, the award-winning ...

GIANT BALL OF TWINE

You could guess how much twine was actually in this ball, and win a prize. I gave up my spot in line to go to the Port-O-Let instead. What is it about people and giant balls of stuff? In 3rd grade, Ted Siversten had a booger-ball he used to show his friends on the bus (he carried it in his lunch box, in a baggie). And then Quilting Girl told me she kept (and added to) a giant jar of chewed chewing gum on her dresser when she was in middle school. I guess twine is a step up from bodily secretions and slimy offal, but still, what's with the giant balls? (That's your opening, honey.)

I sure learned a lot on my big day at the fair.

Join us again next week when we tell you about our tour of the local water treatment plant. Talk about slimy offal (I just wanted to use that phrase one more time)!

Oh, you know me so well.

Lately, I've been blessed with wonderful gifts on the occasion of my new house. Furniture, equipment, house decorations and beautiful cleaning things have flowed as manna from Heaven.

Some of the gifts have tapped into the darker reaches of my psyche, and for these I give especial thanks.

From Quilting Girl, this toothpick holder a la voodoo doll:

Could it be more fabu?!?! Could YOU, QG, be more fabu for knowing I would love this?!?!?! Y'all can get your very own doll here.

And from Aughra, this Teddy bear Dressed as Scorpio:


See his many pincer-tipped leglets? Gaze upon his poison-tipped tail with its evil curl!!! Thank you, my dear, for unleashing such venomous cuteness upon me! I have very strong feelings about TBDOA* as many of you know, and I always appreciate when horror comes right to my doorstep. Many thanks!!!



*Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals

How it all went down.

So Quilting Girl and I went to this event. It was approximately 80,756,386 times better than I ever imagined.

(click to read about the event)

Two days before the big night, I got a phone call from one of the big honchos over at Scholastic, who told me that one of the questions I had submitted for the authors had been selected from among thousands of questions to be part of the Q & A portion of the program.

Q&A!

But wait, it gets better.

I got to ask the question.

At Radio City Music Hall, of John Irving, on camera, in front of 6000 people. On a 103 degree day after I walked 10 blocks. But still!

QG and I got treated like VIPs. We got our seats upgraded from the already great orchestra Row M to Orchestra row D. At the end of the reading portion of the show, I was escorted down the aisle to the mike, not 5 feet from stage, where these three greats were perching on chairs and waiting eagerly for the words to flow from my lips. After I was introduced by Soledad O'Brien, my 5 minutes of fame beagn.

I asked John Irving to share some of the personal stories that inspired events and characters in A Prayer for Owen Meany, my favorite book of his. He gave a lengthy, thoughtful, and fully satisfying answer. Some portions of the program are shown here.

AND I got to see surprise guests Whooppeee! Goldberg, Kathy Bates, Stanley Tucci, and Tim Robbins. Salman Rushdie and his son came out of hiding to ask a question. Not to mention the presence of SK, my fave of faves. Thanks, Steve, for a great night. Not the first one we've spent together, but certainly one of the better ones.

All in all, an utterly fabu day in the life of Spinning Girl.

(click to visit Steve)

I Want That Big, Red Cock.

For Quilting Girl and B.

How Freaking Psyched am I?!?

Quilting Girl and I are going to this event.

I am so pumped!

(click to read about the event)

(click to visit Steve)

... and here's where I am sitting.

Yessssssssss!

Oh, why, thank you.

(Thanks, Quilting Girl)

oh, and coincidentally ...

You Are a Bunny Pop!

It takes a whole lot more than three licks to get to your center. You cheeky bunny!

What Easter Candy Are You?

Let's see ... hang a left at Soul Provider, then go through two more lights.

(click picture for maximum enjoyment)

Only in Connecticut can you navigate using Michael Bolton's house as a landmark. Good thing I had the drawing too, or I never would have found the place. Thanks for the directions, Quilting Girl!

Bonus just for stopping by today: big hair

In the Icy Grip of Pure Terror

Evidence of the demise of civilization continues to pour in to Spinning Girl Central. Feast your eyes on this little tidbit, sent by friend and loyal reader Quilting Girl:

There simply are no words. All right, maybe a few words are needed. Scarier than Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals? Without a doubt! What is that thing on the right? A duck? Make sure you get one of these for your little baby girl if you want her to be really f***ed up and spend her entire inheritance on counseling.

Next we have what may be the most horrific TBDOA submission to date, from alert cellphone-photographer at large, DaMasta:

Yes. Two of life's greatest horrors, rolled into one horrific bundle. With shells for boobs, no less! The only thing that would make this one worse for me would be if it had a blowhole.

Finally, from jiggs, this swag item:

You just did this to piss me off, right pally? I was shopping at cafepress for my thong when I found this little dainty. Needless to say, that little bear is staying in the shop.

If you would like to do any research on TBDOA, please visit the Bears Dressed as Other Animals section of my sidebar. There you will discover various signs of the Apocalypse, and the recently-revealed Portal to Hell.

Keep those photos coming, folks! As you can see, TBDOA isn't just about Bears anymore.

Five Star Resort VII: Take Your Monkey to Work Day

Today Monkey came to work with me at Quaintville Middle School! It was the most fun. We decided to ride the train, because Monkey informed me he liked trains, and he would love to ride. He was quite insistent actually. Persistent, even. Like a droning wind that will not stop and rattles your windows through the night. Which reminds me ... was there a disturbance in the night? I don't remember.

Here's how it all went! (& Listen to audio here.):

Monkey holds my Metro North ticket. Time: 5:55 AM, EST!

During Yearbook class, Monkey tries to crop digital photos of Boston monuments. He doesn't fully get the concept.

While I was teaching, I couldn't have Monkey in the classroom, because, well...

First of all, puberty does odd things to the human brain, and there is a LOT of puberty in my classroom. I didn't want Monkey to be harmed by any sort of impulses. Also, I would have to explain about him, and about the little things stuck to his fur, and we had important things like Shear Strength and Metal Fatigue to learn about today. So I put him safely in the little nest I made in my school bag, where I presume he stayed safely throughout the day.

Later, we snuck a photo of Quilting Girl teaching math.

Monkey liked the sounds my computer made as I edited cafeteria photos, and pretended the monitor was a pony.

On the way home, he wanted to stop for marshmallows, but I explained to him that it doesn't work that way. He wondered whether they sell marshmallows and/or pies on the platforms, and kept watch for that. He is still hoping and asking.

I hope the banana cream pie I am making isn't too big of a letdown, after that.