Certified Organic

My pal, jazz musician Pete Levin, has a new album out called Certified Organic. Here's a review of the album, and a link to Pete's website. Check him out!

The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic (IV): Hole in the Wall

In the playful spirit of Blog Frolics one, two, and three, I now bring you the most recent episode of this fun filler for when I can't think of anything to say game!!! Enjoy.

Osbasso said...
Have you ever ripped off the "Do Not Remove" tags from your mattress? And if so, did you turn yourself in?

Are you insane? I am generally law-abiding, and that warning has chilled me to the core. I would no more rip that label off than eat the little silica packet in a box of new shoes, the one that screams DO NOT EAT. This bag is not a toy!!!


jamwall said...
Yodeling veggie boy is my hero still. WORD VERIFICATION: UKTICVFN <-- Ukranian transvestites invest cash very fraudulently nifty!

Thank you.

miss kendra said...
would you like to visit california?

I can't believe I haven't already.

what is your favorite fruit, and how do you like to eat it?

I like to eat an avocado straight out of the peel, with salt and a spoon. Also, any fruit wrapped in leather.

when we marry in vegas, would you prefer old or young elvis, and what will he sing?

I would prefer Siegfried and Roy. Well, before Siegfried's face got chewed. Or was it Roy? I am not sure which is which, but they are the guardians of one of the portals to hell, so I would like to see them in person at least once.


Freiya said...
where would you most like to go in the world, out of everywhere, if you had the money?

The moon!

oh, and what single thing would improve the quality of your life right now?!

Just one thing? Hmmm. I guess a trip to the moon, then.

Slyde said...
wow, a blast from the past, with ME as the leading question! WOO - HOO! Whats been shakin', sushi-girl? havent seen you stop by in a while......

That is not a question. Oh, I see ... what's shakin' is a question. Answer: My ass, and my faith.

sleepydog said...
Oddly enough, I can't find an Estonian restaurant in Chicago. However, in the event that one opens up, can you tell me about some of your favorite Estonian foods ? I hate having to point at menus.

Estonian cooking unites the following foods in endless combinations:

1. Beets
2. Potatoes
3. Dill
4. Herring
5. Pork

Also, you seem to have really good taste in music, do you have a favorite band or bands ? What have you been listening to a lot lately?

Peter Gabriel, Annie Lennox, and Tori Amos. Read about how I want to molest each of them:

• 10 of the Countless Reasons Why I Want to Hurl My Naked Body Against Peter Gabriel

• 10 Reasons Why I Want to Eat an Annie Lennox Sandwich

• 10 Reasons Why I Can't Get Enough of Tori Amos
  

Then there's the whole classical world, where Mozart is king and Beethoven, Richard Strauss, Bach and Telemann hold court.

Also, I couldn't help but notice the classic Akbar & Jeff (Life In Hell) cartoon on your fridge, what is your favorite Akbar & Jeff "Hut" ? Thank you for allowing me to present you with my queries, you are a wonderful human being.

My favorite Akbar & Jeff is the one that is one my fridge, shown here. I'll scan & post it later, I am too tired to do it now (this will be funny after you see the comic). [Tuesday EDIT: Here it is!]


Thanks for the compliment. I feel so very toasty in my tickle-spot.


ajooja said...
Shawn Chacone is one of my favorite baseball players because his name is so rhythmic. What is your favorite rhythmic name?

Nana Mouskouri.

jiggs said...
I have some moisture of unknown origin... IN MY PANTS!!!!BOOOOOOOOOOOOYAH!!!!!!!!111!!!

Thank you.

B.E. Earl said...
My girlfriend's favorite book is "A Boy's Life" also. She loves that "coming of age"/fantasy/horror stuff. Have you ever read "Summer of Night" and/or it's sequel "A Winter Haunting" by Dan Simmons? And I know you are a huge Stephen King fan, so you must have read "It", but have you read "Floating Dragon" by Peter Straub?

I have not read any of the books you mention, and I am immediately putting them on my wish list!!!!

I of course read It, but my favorite SK book is The Stand, followed very closely by his

Magnum Opus.

Lee Ann

said...
How come when someone makes you laugh when you have swallowed milk or soda it comes out of your nose?

Because you were bad.

Madge said...
If you blogged in a parallel universe, what would your blog be called? Your user name? Your profile picture?

In a parallel universe, my blog would be written by a me that was getting younger each day, and I would blog the journey until I forgot how to write. It would end with me as a single cell, at which point I would split into a sperm and an egg. My username would be "zygote" and my profile picture would be a clock that runs backwards.

Sleep Goblin said...
First of all, Wisconsin is the only place you can truly eat brats. I mean, we do have the largest brat fest in the WHOLE WORLD. So my first question:When are you going to get your blonde behind over here?And my next question: Have you used your poison quill set yet? I miss those posts :)Isn't it summer vacation yet? It must be if you're going north. Did you know that my job recently announced that every five years they're pay for a one month sabbatical, including the hotel and plane ticket costs if you go to a country you've never visited before? It's highly unlikely I'll be there in five years because of DS's job situation, but wouldn't it be sweet if we went to Estonia together? (did I mention that they'll pay for a second person?)

I don't often eat brats, but I teach some of them every day. Someday I hope to visit Wisconsin, as well as a few other foreign countries. If you go to Estonia, you must come back and tell me how much you love it. As for the Poison Quill set, I have just been given reason to break it out. Watch for a letter soon (on my blog, not in your mailbox, dearest one!). You know I love me some angry letters.

jamwall said...
Three questions: 1. Can you substantiate the rumors that my presence is designed to boost the star power and male sex appeal this blog is looking for?2. What was that look?3. How shall I violate you?

1. What did you think that interview was?

2. Oh, I just thought I saw someone I knew. In your pants.

3. Early. Often.

SignGurl said...
Do you have any plans to visit Monkey?

I do. We are planning a marvelous, slobbery reunion in August. Watch for it!!!

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...
Is that picture from "The Adventures of the Wishing Chair"?

I'm not sure, did you write that book? And if so, I apologize.

miss kendra said...
am i a sucker? i hope you know i mean that it the cleanest sense possible.will my robot burlesque number be a hit?

Not at all, and absolutely. You decide in which order those 2 answers go.

Marisa said...
what is your favorite adjective?

Moist

DaMasta said...
Everyone's blogging about me today.. must be a sign.. I shall return, my love.. I shall!

I shall count the ticking of the hours.

jiggs said...
why do your blog frolics scare me?why did I comment earlier about moisture of unknown origin?I am sick. How should I get well?

Perhaps you are dehydrated. I would recommend you tap into that moisture to slake your thirst.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...
Brad or Tom?

Ew.

The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic (III): Between a Rock & a Hard Roll

A few posts back I implored the blog community to supply me with questions so that I would have something to post. And they delivered like Domino's! Here then is my attempt to do right by you all:

Edge said...
Best sex you ever had and what made it so steamy? Naughty boy!!! Since my entire family and my co-workers read this blog, I will put my answer in Arabic. You can go to Google Translator to find out what I said.

وما رأيت ان ابدأ اود ان افيدكم عن أي جنس مشبع بالبخار الاطلاق؟ وهي كثافه الخاصة وتجربة خاصة انني لن اشارك احدا فقط! لكن ، فقط لانك لن ترضى ، وهنا بعض الكلمات الرئيسية : الصبي ، عاريا وحمام البخار والوصابي والشرطة السجن مرة البنت الاطراف والايدي ، والترحيل. ان كفى لك؟

the psycho therapist said...

Where is he? In my heart and soul, every minute of every day. Wait ... what? Who did you think I was talking about?

Why do you need "constant validation" and attention? What are you, some kind of psycho therapist? Since you are new around here, I will allow a certain amount of play in this piece of twine, but not too much! You should know better than to press me on anything I have said; I will only lie to sidestep the discomfort. If you were to examine my Johari and Nohari windows, you would discover that I am a complex, alluring, and immature beast. Now, to answer your question! I need constant validation and attention because I am, at heart, an actress; you, my audience. The classroom, the blogosphere, the family dinner table, the grocery checkout line, the daily path I tread ... is my stage. What of it?

What has to happen inside of your mind before you'll swallow a man's [soul]? If you knew me better, you'd know that the [word] you used is one of my least favorite words in the vast lexicon of human mating behavior. I did say I'd answer any question, though, so I'll answer my [edit] instead: Before I even consider taking a bite of anything, I read the nutritional label. However, once I commit to opening the package, I eat 'til it's empty.

Do you prefer the finger or the tongue? As a pianist, I much prefer the finger. I tried to play Flight of the Bumblebee with my tongue once, and landed myself in the hospital. Not cool!

When will Axis II Personality Disordered individuals have their own reality show and who will kill first? I had to look up this terminology, and once I did, I realized that it is already happening, and it is only a matter of time. They are biding their time.

Diedre said...
Have you ever been to Estonia? Indeed! I went in 1999 with my two sisters, for the Song Festival.



I'll post about it someday. It was quite extraordinary to be surrounded by people speaking my language, and actually took some getting used to. It's a beautiful country and I recommend you visit!


jb3ll3 said...
How does a thermos really know? How do keep hot things hot and cold things cold? How does it really know? Silly girl! Everybody know that within the depths of every Thermos lives a tiny little Eskimo family:

When your food starts to get too warm, the Eskimo mother chips out an ice block and puts your food on it. If your food needs to stay warm, the Eskimo father goes out and clubs a seal, skins it, wraps your food in the fur, and makes a tallow-candle out of the blubber to warm your vittles by. Duh!

Marisa said...
Should I or shouldn't I? Ahh, if we could only be sure ahead of time! There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity. [General Douglas MacArthur]


Freewheel said...
Which bloggers have you met in person? After you met them, did they seem like the person you imagined when you read their blog? I spent a weekend with Monkey, and he was much more fussy and indignant than I ever had imagined. To make up for that, he was infinitely more cuddly and lovable. And what a diva! Read all about it starting here.

Kat said...
I believe a lot of your kids look to you as THAT teacher. What teacher was your biggest inspiration and why? Besides my parents and grandparents, who were the most influential teachers I had, I believe that my high school science and Spanish teachers had the biggest impact on me; I suspect it was their humor and their own love of learning that impacted me the most.


jamwall said...
if I tell you that you have a nice bottle of wesson cooking oil ... will you rub it against me? I no longer have welts. If you had been paying attention when I told you, the Wesson is all gone. I have about 1/4 cup of jalapeño-flavored corn oil left, and a giant rubber spatula! Start running! I'll give you a head start.


miss kendra said...
do you miss me, even thought we've never met? I crave your sequin-swaddled self every tick tick tick of the clock.

sometimes I'm so happy that the internet allowed me to meet you (and others) and then other times i resent that i have friends who are so far away. do you agree? Very much so. It's an odd and endearing community, and I think of you as friends. Friends as dear as any. And I have the presents to prove it!

salty, sweet, spicy, savory? I like a greasy mishmash of all of the above.


MsLittlePea said...
Can you disco dance? Does an ant have teeth?

Do you know how to make pies? Yes! I have made at least two floorpies, and also pumpkin.

Do you love your neighbor as yourself? Not quite, but I did give him a jump-start today.

Do you love cupcakes? Yes, and do you want my address?

Have you ever went and ate worms when you felt unloved? No, but when I was 6, I discovered that some rocks taste salty. I used to walk around with a fistful of small pebbles in my mouth, just for the taste. I had my own personal salt lick; I used to store them under my bed and then re-suck them on the sly, whenever I had the opportunity. Then one day, I choked on one. After my dad saved my life, he thrashed me for having rocks in my mouth and I told him I didn’t know why I did it, I just wanted to see what they might taste like this one time. My twin sister, ever vigilant, sang like a bird: “Nuh-uh, she’s lying; she does it all the time! She has a huge pile of them under the bed!”

Bill said...
Why are you making me think when it's after midnight? Because, like all writers, you need to be pushed to avoid fading into mediocrity.

If life's for living, what's living for? (That's a line stolen from a Kinks song.) Living is for giving ... and forgiving.

I'm going to redo my kitchen, so - what colour? My blog colors (that's American for colours), or else pale yellow and periwinkle, or baby blue and brown (very hip and very now). Whatever color you like, go here to find colors that [surprisingly] work well together. Happy painting!


yournamehere said...
When you eventually marry me, can we have red velvet cake instead of boring old white cake? I would absolutely have a red velvet cake, as long as it wasn't shaped as an armadillo. As for you & me, this will only work out if you are OK with matriarchal polygamy, or with being my pool boy, 'cause I gots me a boy toy I ain't partin' with.

Übermilf said...
How many doughnuts are too many? What do you mean?

Also, of COURSE you love cupcakes! Yes, and do you want my address?

And, if you and Kendra want to meet somewhat halfway, you can both come to my house for tea. I couldn't imagine meeting one of you without the other.

Tits McGee said...
Why have so many people recently arrived at my blog after having searched for "pear tits?" I don't know, but if you moved to The UK you could have Great Tits.

BadGod said...
Do you listen to Opie & Anthony? Still no. Wait ... you're Opie, aren't you.

Am I the greatest thing ever? Close to it, and may I add how delighted I am to see you here, haunting my blog despite your own blog absence? My first blog friend, back to visit.

Ever 'done it' in the..uh...place of....poo making? I'm sorry, I can't break your top secret code; could you be a little less cryptic?

Does anyone really know what time it is? Mark does.

Why should I not "fear the reaper"? Because seasons don't fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain. We can be like they are!

Will you keep answering my questions? Sure, baby.

Where have I been for the last few weeks? Sleeping in your truck.

I think Estonia is a neat word. (that's not a question.)

Who would you like to see play Roland, Eddie, Jake or Susannah if a Dark Tower movie is ever made? Oh, now you've opened the Pandora's Box, haven't you. All right then:

Who can really play Roland? I assume that I can choose anyone, from any time, so I choose the much younger Clint Eastwood of Man Without a Face. He is the only one who could do it. (Click on Roland's photo at left for a spooky click-through. Ooooohhhhhhhhh ...)

Susannah could be played by Angela Bassett, who can look like a real badass when she is mad. Remember in Waiting to Exhale when she burned the guy's car? What ... you haven't seen Waiting to Exhale? What is wrong with you?!?!?! I considered, then rejected Jada (the tough Matrix Jada, not the smiley Oscar-night one). And why???? Because I am sick of her face. Reason enough!

Jake: River Phoenix. A young, pre-My Own Private Idaho homoerotica River; a Stand By Me River. A living River. Oh, when will my heart stop mourning the loss of this wonderful boy? Yes, Joaquin, I love you, but there is a River-shaped hole in my soul where your brother once was. Oh yes, what was I saying? I think this photo captures the Jake I imagine; sensitive, tough, twice-born, twice-dead.

I struggled with Eddie, but I think I may have found him in David Beckham. He would have to have hair, and lose about 25 pounds for the heroin addict parts, but I think the handsome toughness is there. Now let's just hope he can act.

Where did all of these great questions come from? The Activity Book at Bible camp?

Should I go to sleep now or have one more cigarette? Oh, go for it.

What is the square root of 78,345 divided by pi? 89.0954999

bye! Godspeed, angel, and when shall we meet again?

jiggs said...
what happens if we pressure you? To answer this, let us all recall the Ideal Gas Law:

PV = nRT

[pronounced piv-nurrt]

Where P = pressure, V = volume of blog traffic, n = number of times I send you spam, R = how many times I say the word "retard" in one day, and T = How many of my Kitten in a Sandwich Thongs I throw in the incinerator. Notice that, according to this formula, Pressure and Thong-burning are proportional. You do the math.

B.E. Earl said...
Where is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head? Neither. Everybody knows that fancy bred is in Aisle 1, between whole wheat and dinner rolls.

Shanshu said...
How many times in a single day have you ever taken a picture of yourself, and then re-taken the same picture in the hopes of making yourself look better? Or, to make the entire picture look better? Usually about 3 takes to get the shot where I don't have a double chin and my hair looks the most fabu.

miss kendra said...
how do you take your coffee? strong, with half & half

eggs? Any way that's not raw.

what is your favorite song? or top three? what is it that you like about those songs? I love saddish love-related songs, like Gypsy (Suzanne Vega), Love Song for a Vampire (Annie Lennox), and Secret World (Peter Gabriel). They verbalize an emotion that I love feeling; listen, and you will know.

jamwall said...
how many licks does it take to get to the center of a cowbell gene? A cowbell jean? I lost count after the first one.

This was too too fun; let's mingle again soon. Thanks for indulging me!

10 Reasons Why I Want to Eat an Annie Lennox Sandwich

1. She's boyishly feminine ... wait, no, she is girlishly masculine. Either way, she is 100% raw physicality, with butch hair and eyes that can see into the innermost caverns of your brain. What her eyes can't reach, her voice will. With every ounce of her being, she obliterates traditional gender boundaries.
2. In 2004 she won the Oscar for the closing song in the best movie ever. Need I say more?
3. Lyrics like these: This is the book I never read; these are the words I never said; this is the path I'll never tread; these are the dreams I'll dream instead; this is the joy that's seldom spread; these are the tears ... the tears we shed; this is the fear; this is the dread; these are the contents of my head. (Why)
4. And these: Once I had the rarest rose ... that ever deigned to bloom. (Love Song for a Vampire)
5. Also: Take this gilded cage of pain and set me free; take this overcoat of shame, it never did belong to me. (Gift)
6. She is from Scotland. As a student there, she studied the flute.
7. She is technically an alto, but has a range of 4 octaves.
8. She married (& divorced) a Hare Krishna monk.
9. Her reputed best friend is Chrissie Hynde.
10. Her birthday is on Christmas.
    
    

Did you enjoy this post?
If so, you might also like:

10 of the Countless Reasons Why I Want to Hurl My Naked Body Against Peter Gabriel
10 Reasons Why I Can't Get Enough of Tori Amos

The Egg-citing World of Google

When I Googled "Ovo" for my Peter Gabriel post, I discovered all sorts of interesting egg-related images. I then searched for "egg", "huevo" and "muna" (Estonian) as well. There is some craziness out there on the web. By the way, "huevo" is slang for "testicle", as I have discovered accidentally. Here are some of the egg-ish (and not-so-egg-ish) imagery I discovered:

Ew.

The swirling vortex of a galaxy, or some similar event horizon.

Me likey.

Ew.


Ew. Ew.

Oh, yes please.

I'll take two of these, over easy, with a side of hash.

This turns out to be the egg of some scary invasive fruit fly.

Ew.

Solitude.

Ostrich eggs, with chicken eggs for comparison.

Ew.

Provocative. Strange.


Eggs as art.

I like this.

Hmmm. Eggs with hairdos.

All-righty then.

OK, now you're just playing with your food.

I think she looks astonished because

she has recently discovered

how surprisingly healthy eggs are.

They are nature's perfect food!

Just like the raisin, the Fig Newton, and the bone-in ribeye.

Or maybe it's because her tit is hanging out.

Ew.

10 of the Countless Reasons Why I Want to Hurl My Naked Body Against Peter Gabriel

Peter Gabriel

Musician. Writer. Prophet.

Apologies in advance for all the links in this post.

1. In his Up tour, he gets inside this gigantic plastic ball and alternately rolls around the stage / bounces up and down to the beat. It is mind-blowingly cool.

2. He is older, greyer, paunchier, and just as sexy as ever.

3. Lyrics like these: I can hear the distant thunder of a million unheard souls ... of a million unheard souls. Watch each one reach for creature comfort, for the filling of their holes.

4. And these: Did you think you didn't have to choose it, that I alone could win or lose it? In all the places we were hiding love ... What was it we were thinking of?

5. And these: ... the monster I was so afraid of lies curled up on the floor ... is curled up on the floor, just like a baby boy. I cry until I laugh.

6. Real World Studios, PG's label, brings exposure to amazing artists from all over the world.

7. He is co-founder of Witness, a grassroots human-rights organization that exposes abuse through video.

8. Look at him. I mean just look! Are you looking? Really, really look. That's his very soul looking back at you.

9. If for no other reason than that he pissed off Phil Collins, and that tickles me.

10. He wrote Passion (the music for The Last Temptation of Christ) and Long Walk Home (Rabbit Proof Fence). Did you know about those? What about Ovo? Ohhhhhhhhhhh, to get inside the mind that conceived The Nest That Sailed The Sky.

I think that's me in that nest. Peter Gabriel's music is like that; it reaches between your ribs and grabs a hold of your soul, and yanks real hard. It's hard not to pay attention.

And for my sisters: "PG in the Hooouuuuuuse!"






Did you enjoy this post? There's more where that came from. Looky here: 10 Reasons Why I Can't Get Enough of Tori Amos

My Tag is Showing

I was tagged by TinaPoPo in … I think July … to do this fun thing! Since I blew my whole wad on the Titans post, I’ll fall back on something like this to entertain myself. Even so, I just can’t compartmentalize myself & I’ll have to put my own Spinn on it.


10 Years Ago: I was teaching high school and sharing a room with a woman who was in charge of the Senior Homecoming Float. Hence I thought nothing of it when I saw a scrap of fabric lying in the middle of the floor.

After the students had gone, I picked it up and discovered,

Holy Schnike, this is underwear.

Holy Schnike, this is my underwear.

I had a pair of panties stuck inside my pants leg from a previous wearing, that had worked their way out onto the floor of my classroom of sophomores. To this day I wonder at what point they were hanging, hermit-crab-like, half in/half out of my pants leg.

5 Years Ago: I jumped off of this cliff and broke my ass. I had done several jumps/dives already from lower heights. On what turned out to be the last jump, I had climbed up about 35-40 feet, and I was scared, but a group of young Italian onlookers on the bridge high above started counting out loud. Not to back down from their Une… Due… Tre!, I took a deep breath and leapt from the cliff. It was the last time I felt good for an entire year … a year spent sitting on a rubber donut and wondering just how invasive that “realignment” procedure really might be?

1 Year Ago: I threw away something I shouldn’t have, that I needed later.

Yesterday: I learned that the gloriously verdant foliage around my wounded mailbox

… is poison ivy.

5 Snacks I Enjoy:

5 Songs I Belt Out Shamelessly in the Car:

--Hook (Blues Traveler)
--Breathe (Anna Nalick)
--Secret World (Peter Gabriel)
--Sloop John B. (Beach Boys)
--You Can Call Me Al (Paul Simon)

5 Things I Would Do With $100 Million:
Give a cold 20 to each member of my family, including me.

5 Places It Would Be Fun To Run Away To:

5 Things I’d Probably Never Wear:
--A tube top (not to church, at least)
--My pain and shame on the outside for the world to see! Waahhhhh!!

--Sandals with just one big toe loop.
--A tongue, belly button, eyebrow, lip, or hoo-hoo ring
--Tweed or herringbone anything

5 Favorite TV Shows:
--Lord of the Rings
--Discover Magazine
--Peterson’s Field Guide to Birds of Prey
--The Dark Tower

Whazzat?
... Oh, I thought you said books.

--Well, in that case … Brat Camp!

Biggest Joys:

--My comfy bed
--The distant, lonesome cry of a hawk on the wing
--My job
--My family
--The first day of summer

--Starring as one of Three Little Maids from School in The Mikado

--Eating apple pie

... Just 5? What a gip.

5 Favorite Toys:
--iPod!
--Car!
--Kayak! (12.5-ft Necky Santa Cruz named “Unruly”)(since you asked)

--Blogland!
--Coffee grinder!

5 People I’ve Tagged:

--Silly rabbit, them's my tricks, and mine alone!