Five Star Resort VII: Take Your Monkey to Work Day

Today Monkey came to work with me at Quaintville Middle School! It was the most fun. We decided to ride the train, because Monkey informed me he liked trains, and he would love to ride. He was quite insistent actually. Persistent, even. Like a droning wind that will not stop and rattles your windows through the night. Which reminds me ... was there a disturbance in the night? I don't remember.

Here's how it all went! (& Listen to audio here.):

Monkey holds my Metro North ticket. Time: 5:55 AM, EST!

During Yearbook class, Monkey tries to crop digital photos of Boston monuments. He doesn't fully get the concept.

While I was teaching, I couldn't have Monkey in the classroom, because, well...

First of all, puberty does odd things to the human brain, and there is a LOT of puberty in my classroom. I didn't want Monkey to be harmed by any sort of impulses. Also, I would have to explain about him, and about the little things stuck to his fur, and we had important things like Shear Strength and Metal Fatigue to learn about today. So I put him safely in the little nest I made in my school bag, where I presume he stayed safely throughout the day.

Later, we snuck a photo of Quilting Girl teaching math.

Monkey liked the sounds my computer made as I edited cafeteria photos, and pretended the monitor was a pony.

On the way home, he wanted to stop for marshmallows, but I explained to him that it doesn't work that way. He wondered whether they sell marshmallows and/or pies on the platforms, and kept watch for that. He is still hoping and asking.

I hope the banana cream pie I am making isn't too big of a letdown, after that.

Five Star Resort VI: No Rest for the Weary

Monkey and I really partied last night! After our s'mores, we took a shower and got into our jammies. Then while I was setting up the Scrabble, Monkey got into the Red Bull and drank about 5 cans of it before I could stop him. This made for an enthusiastic Scrabble game, but not as conducive to sleeping! I dropped off quite quickly, but I don't know how long he was up. He woke me up in the night, something about marshmallows, and burglars, and dragons. From the looks of his groggy self, he didn't get many winks. We are off to catch the train for Bring Your Monkey to Work Day. More news later!

The latest photos:

After our shower, Monkey and I did a cleansing mud mask.

It invigorates and energizes the pores!

We got into a little bit of a fight during the Scrabble game

because we hadn't agreed that proper names are OK.

I adamantly believed that they are,

but now that I've been bitten over it, I concede.

Monkey and I settled into the Spinning Bed,

and tried to decide which armpit would be best.

We settled on the left one, initially at least.

I fell asleep right away, but Monkey was up for hours.

He sings when he is bored, I might add. Loudly.

Five Star Resort V: Sunday Afternoon

Monkey's belongings

It took Monkey a while to unpack, but when he felt like he had settled down, we began to acquaint ourselves with one another.

Monkey investigates the Keeping it Simple pictures

We have had the loveliest visit so far! Monkey made up a song for me during his 24 hours in Quarantine. Here it is. It brought tears to my eyes!

Monkey and I decided to make the most of our afternoon despite the rain. We headed out to the Spinning Wheels (my car) for an outing in town.



I thought the best vantage point for Monkey would be this bag on the rearview mirror. He filled it with pellets, but he could see out the window and talk to me, which I felt was important.

Since we missed Spa Day due to the mishap with Customs (Monkey was very glad to have missed the Brazilian bikini wax after I explained to him what it was), I decided that a trip to Starbucks and the toy store might be a nice way to start out.

While at the toy store, we saw one of Calzone's pallys.

I got a venti vanilla extra hot extra chai chai latte, while Monkey got a tall mochaccino with banana syrup. He dove right into it.

Our last stop was to swing by Mary on the Quicksand, Monkey's favorite shrine. He took his own pictures, which I have not yet seen.

When we got home Monkey started making demands; ever the hostess, I tried to meet his needs. Here he is enjoying some Tension Tamer and cheesecake with me.

I'm thinking tonight we will play Scrabble, make s'mores, watch a movie, and then go to sleep. Monkey is talking about coming to work with me tomorrow, so we both need a good night's rest!

Five Star Resort IV: Monkey Arrives!

After many toils and troubles with Customs and Border Protection, Monkey has arrived safely at my door! I've just extricated him from his traveling cubicle, and he is taking a small nap with Walter while I prepare for our outing. Later I will tell of all that has already transpired in the short time we have spent together.

upon arrival

groggy from his journey

taking a small recuperative nap with Walter

Five Star Resort III: Not Quite the Same

Since Monkey is arriving late, I decided to let Walter sleep in the little bed last night. He immediately aerated my entire bedroom with eau de beefaroni, and then kept me up half the night with his spontaneous trumpeting. It was vile betond measure. I hope Monkey gets here soon.

Five Star Resort II: I am Forlorn!

Typical male.

Monkey was waylaid in his travel plans for some reason; I don't know why. I received a hurried (and typo-laden -- lack of thumbs will do that) text message from him saying "delayd. sry. wil expalin l8r"

So here I sit.

I cleared my schedule for this Monkey.

I even made up a little bed for him, next to my bed, in case he wants his own.

It is empty.

So, he is coming tomorrow. I hope he at least stays an extra day!!! I'm trying really hard to be mature about this.

Five Star Resort I: The Festivities Begin!

This is going to be the best weekend ever. Monkey is flying all the way from Maine to visit me! He should arrive Friday afternoon, and is planning on spending the entire weekend. We've been planning it for weeks, from this invitation to Monkey's anticipatory post. Now the day is actually here!!!

Today, a package arrived from Monkey. I think it was meant as a precursor, an appetizer of sorts. I don't know, maybe it was meant as a snack for him when he arrives. Either way, it just sets the tone!

the package arrives.

ooh, Harry and David!

cheesecake!

ooh, pretty.

I sampled for quality, and it is fabu.

It is pumpkin.

Monkey must have been peeking at my wish list.

My Fears.

That Monkey will not think I am as beautiful in person.

That he will not like how I smell.

That we might not live up to each other's expectations.

That we will both try to sleep on the same side of the bed.

That he won't like s'mores, which I plan to make.

That he will be homesick.

That he will not have a comfortable trip.

That I will grow too attached.

My agenda (subject to change).

Friday afternoon:

• arrival
• snack
• icebreakers
• getting acquainted
• possible nap (together or, if not ready, in separate beds. I have made up a little bed for Monkey just in case)

Friday evening:

• dinner
• s'mores
• movie
• bed!

Saturday morning-afternoon

• Spa day! mani-pedi, highlights, scalp treatment, massage, bikini wax
• Shopping
• Visit with niece.

Saturday evening

• Dinner and Sleepover at Twirling Girl's
• Games
• Music, dancing

Sunday Morning-afternoon

• Fabulous brunch
• Sightseeing
• open (any suggestions?)

Monkey's plans are to depart on Monday, and at this point the rest of the schedule is open, depending upon what he might want to do. I am sure he has ideas of his own.

I'm so excited, I might need to poop.

I Can't Get Enough Cowbell

Seen it so many times, just can't stop watching Gene on that second take. Click the picture.

Office Supply Wednesday

I do my makeup, blog-side, in the mornings.

Taking Pause

Sometimes in my busy life I forget to remember

that everyone else is struggling too

and doing the best they can.



Whenever I can, I try to remember

to stop and look at them

and strip away the judgment

and the annoyance I feel at the ways they inconvenience me

and forget my pride

and the perceived weakness of letting all of the act drop away.



... and I just stop, and allow myself to see their humanity.



And in that instant

I feel such love

for them, for mankind, for this short life



And I wonder why I try so hard

to pretend that I am so strong and that nothing can touch me.



When really, every person touches me

and we only have this one short life after all.




Why are we wasting time pretending to have such thick skins

when letting go and showing your humanity

and really telling your truth

feels like a bell being rung for the first time.




Isn't that a bell that we all would want to hear?

I Heart You

Make your own heart here.

oh look, here's one from Cupcake! Thank you, Cuppers!

Riding the Bull

• I have hateful thoughts from time to time. I know this comes as a surprise to many of you. I frequently call people names inside my head while I am listening to them. My favorite name is “whore” and my second favorite name is “dirty skank” and my third favorite name is “asswipe” , pronounced oss-wee-pay.
• For dinner, I have been known to eat an entire bag of soybeans and a container of hummus.
• I have recently discovered Red Bull and I can’t stop pounding that stuff.
• Monkey is coming to visit in 4 days and I am so excited that I can hardly contain myself. I’ve already alerted my friends and family that Monkey will be with me that whole weekend. I keep having to remind myself that he is stuffed. Sorry, Monkey, I mean no offense by that. You know that you are, right?
• I take a nap whenever I damn well feel like it.
• I love the way I can sculpt my hair into shapes right before I wash it. It’s so unsexy, it came full circle & is totally sexy.
• One of my blog friends said something about having a penis shaped like a tuna can and now I have this really weird image in my head. What can you do with that shape?!?
• Yum yum bumblebee, bumblebee tuna! I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna. Yum yum bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love a sandwich made with bumble bee! Bumblebee!
• While we are singing jingles, here’s one for Chiquita bananas.
• I need to lay off the Red Bull. How am I supposed to sleep?

Monday morning EDIT: I am über unhappy. Seems the rain/ice line falls above my house. All schools in my area are closed; the town where I work doesn't even need a delay. I love that. Dirty whoring skank!!!

Oh. My.

This is very scary. (nsfw)

Make It Stop. Part Deux.

One of the students at Quaintville Middle School wrote a poem about the Boo Bahs and gave it to Quilting Girl, who promptly shared it with me:


Feel like you want another dose? Want to visit again? Click the picture:

milk

Do you Frou Frou?

Possibly my new favorite artist.
See her here.
Current favorite song: Hear Me Out

Amusement

Top Ten Trivia Tips About Spinning Girl!

1. All the moons of the Solar System are named after characters from Greek and Roman mythology, except the moons of Uranus, which are named after Spinning Girl.
2. There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Spinning Girl.
3. Spinning Girl has four noses.
4. Spinning Girl is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than Spinning Girl!
5. To check whether Spinning Girl is safe to eat, drop her in a bowl of water; rotten Spinning Girl will sink, and fresh Spinning Girl will float.
6. Spinning Girl does not have toes.
7. An average beaver can cut down 200 Spinning Girls every year!
8. Michelangelo finished his great statue of Spinning Girl in 1504, after eighteen months' work!
9. Pacman was originally called Spinning Girlman.
10. It took Spinning Girl 22 years to build the Taj Mahal.

I am interested in - do tell me about herhimitthem

Thank you to Übermilf, Bill, and Miss Kendra for this Blogthang. Now go spread it far & wide.

The Sky is Rent Asunder!

I took these photos on Wednesday afternoon while waiting for the train; there was a freaky wind storm here in Connecticut and the sun broke through for one brief instant.

It's Not Hallofreakingween. Even That Would Not Excuse This.

In the tradition (/ horror) of Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals, both LBSeaHag and Damasta sent me this disturbing imagery:

I'm calling DCF over this one.

& Last but not least ...

Imagine if I were to make Monkey dress in this costume?!? The indignation he would feel!


Don't worry, my love. I would never subject you to such treatment. You are deserving of way more dignity and respect than a human baby.