Happy Birthday to Jamwall!

Ode to Jamwall
on his birthday
this 207th day of the calendar year

i. første vers
In a landscape of 10,000 frozen lakes
and snow upon snow upon snow
a rare and precious gem appeared
seven and thirty years ago.

Fiery red, it blazed and burned
with peerless gifts and talents
in the soul of the boy;
to emerge as he grew,
lending wit, and vision, and balance.

ii. andre vers

No ordinary boy was he
nay, never.
Not to this day!
His eyes bear the spark
of vivid untiring imagination.
His mouth utters only kindness, humor, and love;
his heart is a drumbeat of loyalty.

Oh!

Your heart, your little heart …
it knows not how it sounds.
for it is the drum of drums,
it is the song of songs.*
Thumping in the rib-cavern of that
beautiful spirited child
for all the days
that came before I knew you.

iii. tredje vers

On a distant shore I lived
and wandered alone and wondered
whether in all my days I’d find a match
for the silly and lively spirit inside.

... A spirit that needed taming and compassion.
A spirit that compels with its fierce humor.
A spirit that sometimes does not brush its hair
and eats things it finds on the floor
and wears a box instead of pants
and draws oddly
and writes poems about raining noses
and cannot spell the word scissors.

Who would ever come home
to a spirit like that?

I had stopped looking;
I did not realize.

I did not know, I mean ...
... that you were there.

Nobody told me.

iv. fjerde vers

One day, suddenly, you appeared, beating your gong.

Verbally jousting with me
in the back-rooms of this virtual world.

Your writing tickled my funny bone
and brought out my inner feisty beast.
My true colors were fully unfurled!

Nothing was sacred, nothing was safe:Runways and hoo-hahs and relish,ice cream flavors and gobstoppers …
all of these we’d embellish.

When you said you "loved my guts" I fainted, a little.

v. femte vers
There was once a secret blog;
a playground we kept on the side.
Some of us would take comfort there
and lower our guard for a time.

In that hideaway long gone, you first
unveiled your face to me, and to the others.
I will never forget reaching out
and touching your face with my hand
on the flat-screen of my monitor.
That puckish dimple in your chin
has inhabited my dreams
every night hence.
Even now, two years since.

vi. sjette vers

One summer’s day in Boston-town
four bloggers were united
for a weekend of frivolity
and extensive monkey-business.

On the trolley, you touched my knee.

vii. syvende vers

(Angelic Chorus sings to the tune of Don’t Fear the Reaper):

Her knee! Her knee! You touched Spinnerina's knee!
The kneebone’s connected to the lipbone!
The lipbone’s connected to the heartbone!

viii. åttende vers
(Man with Cowbell clangs instrument three times and shouts):

Silence!
Let me explore the space now, baby.

[mellomspill] --- Bare ku bjelle (Cowbell solo) ---

ix. niende vers

Jamwall, thanx fo' show'n me T-H-to-tha-izzat you love me in all tha shawty ways . Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. I started yo' shit, and I'll end yo'shit. You is always there fo' me so jus' chill. I love you so mizzle fo' sho'! I cizzay imagine gangsta day going by wit'out you in mah life. Throw yo' guns in tha muthafuckin' air!

x. tiende og siste vers
Well, then.

Nothing sweeter
or simpler and truer than this,
so still your jibberish and listen:

I cherish you.

You are a comet that streaked into my life
and landed.

Happy birthday, sweetiepants.
Happy now, and always, and then some.

(final strike of cowbell)

(curtain)

*with thanks to Annie Lennox

p.s. I didn't get you a card, so bask in this meager tribute. Jeg elsker deg!

Repost: 100 things. I love reposting this because of #36-37, because I married him.

1. My first language was Estonian. I still speak, read & write it. All the time!
2. I didn't really speak English until I went to kindergarten,
3. where I learned the word "soon" and thought it meant one o'clock.
4. I thought this until I was 11 years old.
5. Because it rhymes with "noon", you see?
6. My twin sister Twirling Girl has always, always been there.
7. I don’t know what I would do without her.
8. My baby sister Tuuna Taco is my other best friend.
9. My parents are some of the best people I know,
10. And I don't tell them enough, so I am telling them now.
11. Since they read my blog.
12. Which sort of censors me, but that is probably a good thing.
13. I can be gross at your blogs, right?
14. I worry that if I ever meet any of you, you will discover that I am not really as pretty as the persona I have created
15. although I have begun to think of myself as "Spinning Girl" and would probably answer to it if someone called to me.
16. Sometimes I get terribly lonely.
17. Often, I love being alone & doing what I want, when I want.
18. I need to tune my piano so that I can play it.
19. I need to clean my chimney so that I can make bigger fires without fearing that I am going to start a chimney fire.
20. Some pieces of music are so beautiful to me that I cannot contain the emotion I feel when I hear them, and I just cry.
21. I can’t stand most of the music I hear on the radio.
22. There are some exceptions.
23. I have an almost unholy obsession with Yellow Ledbetter and every time I hear those first few hesitant guitar notes, I smile with glee.
24. I had a small alcohol problem once.
25. By small, I mean that it had a short life. Maybe two years of really drinking in a way I felt was out of control.
26. Plus 15 years of wondering if maybe I drank a little too much?
27. I gave up the booze on August 6, 2003.
28. In March of 2004 I drank 3 bottles of wine by myself and scared myself so much that I never want to drink again.
29. In July of 2006 I accidentally took a giant swig of my cousin’s vodka tonic, but only because our cups were identical and it really was by accident.
30. If I drink on purpose, I am afraid I will not stop, ever.
31. I still get mad that something so fun could turn into something so bad, but I’m OK with it and I don’t miss it. It just pisses me off that alcohol was such a mean trickster bastard.
32. I become smitten very easily.
33. Recently I was smitten with someone in my grad class.
34. But he never called when he said he would, so I had my answer.
35. That’s too bad, because I still find him really attractive even though I don’t talk to him much.
36. I am also completely infatuated with Jamwall, even though we have never met, because he gets me and we feed off each other’s sick humor in a truly exhilarating way.
37. Right now, I am imagining Jamwall naked.
38. Are you?
39. Someday, I hope to spend a weekend with him, romping through a condiment village that we have built together.
40. Sometimes I am perfectly happy with my life the way it has gone thus far.
41. But I am always ready for the next big, good thing.
42. I would like to be a mom, though not necessarily give birth.
43. Maybe I just need a pony!
44. Or a dog, a non-pooping dog.
45. Having to pick up shit is the one major thing keeping me from getting a dog.
46. Sharing my living space with a box of urine and shit and giant hair balls is what is keeping me from getting a cat.
47. I had the most amazing cat once, and he will never be equaled.
48. I fear the spider, but only once it has reached a certain size.
49. Spiders of Acceptable Size (SAS) are allowed to live freely in my home.
50. Spiders of Unacceptable Size – SUS-- are thrown outside, not killed, unless they are huge or move very fast.
51. I would probably go crazy if I woke up and discovered an SUS clinging to the tip of my nose with all 8 of its legs.
52. I can honestly say that I love my job.
53. It is like a dream. A job cannot be this perfect, can it?!?!?
54. I sometimes fear becoming debilitated and unable to teach anymore; what would I do then?!?!?
55. I don’t spend much time fearing the future though.
56. Most of my fears are fleeting thoughts, lucky me.
57. Maybe I am stupidly optimistic. That is fine with me.
58. I take life’s little luxuries very seriously.
59. My bed.
60. My coffee.
61. That’s a short list, but those are the two biggies.
62. When I was a child, my favorite place to visit was my grandparents’ house in upstate New York.
63. Sometimes we had to weed the garden, and we had to finish before we could swim.
64. This taught me self-discipline and delayed gratification.
65. I used to pretend I was a poor little slave girl, weeding my little row of carrots in the blazing hot sun.
66. Nothing equals the bliss of a cold swim after you have been sweating in the blazing hot sun.
67. There was (is) a spring-fed pond on my grandparents’ back property.
68. It is stocked with fish that were caught elsewhere & put there by my family.
69. They have lived & multiplied there for 50 years.
70. I used to catch grasshoppers in the meadow and then feed them to the fish.
71. I used to be very good at catching grasshoppers; the most I ever caught was 72.
72. Grasshoppers!!!
73. I fear that one day a swarm of locusts will land on me, as payback.
74. This fear, however, is fleeting.
75. When my family sells my grandparents’ house, I don’t think I will be as sad as I was over the past 10 years, watching it decline from what it once was.
76. Nothing gold can stay.
77. I hope that my parents’ home becomes that way for their grandchildren ... a really special place where you can always go and be happy.
78. I believe it is really important to listen to children and not try to spank too much of their personalities out of them.
79. Like the boy who made the grappling hook; it made me really happy to see that.
80. I can think of 5 teachers off the top of my head who would have said, “put that stupid toy away.”
81. Of course, I teach science, and can justify “allowing” a homemade grappling hook in my classroom.
82. It scares me how little science some people know.
83. I’m a little bit obsessed with Carl Sagan, and rightly so.
84. Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors is one of my favorite books of all time.
85. I should read it again soon. I tend to reread books I love several times.
86. I have read Lord of the Rings at least 22 times from start to finish, plus countless times of reading just certain parts.
87. For me, rereading a good book is like visiting a place that I love.
88. When I want to escape for a while, I go to Middle Earth.
89. I’m OK with being a total geek.
90. I have amazing tits, so I can get away with it.
91. Are you imagining my tits right now?
92. Go ahead, then. I am OK with being objectified by you.
93. Shit, I forgot about my parents reading this.
94. Sorry mom and dad, sometimes I say dirty things to be funny.
95. Dirty and funny is one of my favorite combinations.
96. Wow, 100 is a lot.
97. I might have dyslexia because I often reverse “tomorrow” and “yesterday” in my speech, regardless of what language I am speaking. I think those two concepts got stored incorrectly in my Wernicke.
98. I am a huge procrastinator, and I did this instead of grading papers.
99. I always feel better after a good day of procrastinating.
100. I’ll feel even better later when I get that shit done. Thank you for reading!

Blogthings is my biznotch.

What Your Cute Monster Says About You

You are a very natural, real person. You're comfortable with who you are - and your spirit truly shines through. You are free of inhibitions and hang ups. Because of this freedom, you tend to be very creative. Your inner demon is greed. You can't help but lust after wealth and shiny objects. People think you're cute because you are so lively. Your natural glow makes you charming.

The Cute Monster Test

.. but we knew that, eh?

After somebody told me they had a dream about getting his aura repaired, I decided I needed some help from Blogthings. It always comes through as a tool of divination for me... it is a miracle!!!

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous. You are fierce in your judgment, yet forgiving of many different viewpoints. You are strongly opinionated. You work hard, then nap for long periods. But why the hell can't you get those papers graded? The kids turned those in like 2 weeks ago! Generally, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it by combining your great loves (music, art, writing, spankings, and cleaning the gutters) into one delicious montage. The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better. This is achieved by pointing out flaws in a loving way and by praising small accomplishments. Also, threats and bribery. Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Kermit the Frog, and Martha Stewart. Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host, French Maid, Ice Cream Truck Driver, Puppet.

What Color Is Your Aura?

I ate the feet first.

Your Chocolate Easter Bunny Personality

You are logical, rational, and consistent. You take big decisions pretty seriously. You can be considered a bit aloof at times... But you're probably sitting back and analyzing things. Your emotions don't control you, and you are a very disciplined person. There's no way that you'd go out of control and eat too much chocolate!

The Easter Bunny Quiz

Oh, FUN! I'm a love magnet!

I should ask Jammie how correct he thinks this is,

since he is the pit to my peach, so to speak.

Here's where I did it.

Oh thank goodness. Blogthings says I am a good person!

What Your Shamrock

Says About You

You are balanced, nurturing, and sympathetic. You understand people and love to help them.

At times, you get too involved with what's going on in other people's lives. It's hard to remove yourself.

You consider yourself a lucky person. Luck always seems to be on your side.

You are stylish, in a classic sort of way. You are particular about how you like things.

The Shamrock Personality Test

Spinning through the Year: a meme I am pretty sure I made up.

I've seen a meme here and there in which you have to go back in your archives & post the first sentence from the first post of each month of the year. Fun! I thought I'd adapt it and post sentences in which I mention each month; now my very own meme has been born! Yes, it has slithered forth from my creative uterus to span the Internets worldwide!!! This also gives me a chance to see how good my writing was before I stopped blogging for real (did anyone notice?) ... please go back and read some of my old stuff and rediscover why this blog is so fabu!!! And happy closing of the year to you, my cyber-lovers. ~xo, Spinnerina

* Monkey and the Spinning Wheels in January 2006 (Grab an Oar ... )

*I can’t believe random people in cars have the capacity to hurt my feelings. Today, I got the “Go ahead, go ahead, no you go, go already!” wave from somebody and I could tell from the tone of their fingers and wrist that the hand was pissed at me. It bothered me for a good long time. It’s such a gorgeous day today. I can’t even conceive of how February will feel. My feet look f-ing fabu in these shoes. (Pad Thai Meditations)

*28. In March of 2004 I drank 3 bottles of wine by myself and scared myself so much that I never want to drink again.(100 Things, or However Far I Get)

*April showers bring May flowers. Happy spring HNT! (HNT: In Bloom)

*This past May, my roommate A. (A for Anyhoo) and I battled: Wasps, Carpenter Bees, Millipedes, and Spiders. I like the hymenopterae from a distance (not so much when their stingers are engrafted in my foot), but millipedes creep me out (have you noticed that they smell?) and spiders haunt my darkest night-time imaginings. (Close Encounters of the Bird Kind)


*Teachers pretend not to like snow days, and moan about the time having to be made up in June, about the quadratic formulas that won’t get practiced today, the verbs that won't get conjugated. (Wintry Mix)


*When I started blogging in early July, my main mission was to vent out some things that needed venting. My early posts were a mish-mash of ire-filled rampages (since deleted, so don’t even look) that nobody read. (This Posting Life)

*On August 26-29 of 2005, the London Zoo presented an exhibit known as Human Zoo, in which Real! Live! Humans! were put on display in an old bear enclosure next to the reptile house. It was so ridiculous. The one good thing about HZ is that it inspired me to write 3.5 really good posts in which I pretended to be a participant. (Back to the Zoo)

*I felt like the world dropped out from under me on September 11, 2001. (The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic I: My Ass is on Fire!)

*Then when all/most of the pinkies are up, I chant, "pinkies in the air ... pinkies in the air ... now do a dance!" and we wiggle in a circle.* Now I have their attention and I can talk. To this day the students who were on my bus to Boston in October pass me in the halls and put their pinkies in the air. (School of Life II: The Bag of Tricks)

*Shopping at Macy's last Sunday was a head trip. They are playing Christmas Music. Christmas music!!!! On November 6th! Apparently, according to their customer service, by "customer request" they start the music the same time they start their holiday displays, which is now. (Pomegranate Meditations)

*My desk drawer complete with cigarettes from Uruguay that Quilting girl found in a NYC taxicab on our trip in December, then hid in my luggage to find later. (a late but very special office Supply Wednesday)

Repost: Dave Barry, Kindred Spirit

According to a Blogthings quiz, my Famous Blogging Twin is Dave Barry.

... Which is perfect, because I am a huge Dave Barry fan.
I even have his page-a-day calendar (a tried & true test of fan loyalty!) and a personal, handwritten postcard from him on my fridge.

See?

I sent him my Country Music Song Titles, and he sent me a postcard!
In my book, that's as good as published!

Hmmm...

While we're looking at my fridge,

let's take a little tour, shall we?

I'm getting a playful, juvenile, introspective,
zen vibe from all this stuff.

I wonder what my shrink would think.

It's true ... a woman does like the smell of a horse on a man.

Memorial Day cartoon about a visit to the

Vietnam Monument in DC. Very nice.

A few postcards...

... some Thoreau, and wait, what is that I spy?
I see a David head peeking from beneath?

Let's see what that is...

...

... heh heh ...

I went to Italy, remember? It's art !

Apropos.

Fighting off life's demons while maintaining fabulous hair! That's me!

Then we have sort of a
Robert Frost-Chinese fortune cookie-Curious George-
baby's foot stamped onto music paper-insipration-montage.

Cheer & spirituality each time I go for a snack!

Nearby, a random assortment of childishness...
Granted, these are on the side of the fridge, not the front.
I just can't bear to dispose of these old bits of memorabilia.
And who doesn't enjoy a joke about lutefisk?

and who hasn't felt a sin coming on?

Ah yes. Now, here we have a special item.
A souvenir from when I met the legendary Caroll Spinney
(the real BB--also does Oscar the Grouch!)

Whew, all this psychoanalysis and reminiscing has given me a hankering for a snack.

Yum, Greek Yogurt.
Or maybe some of that veggie mess in the Tupp behind it.
Or no...miso?
Oh, here we go ... I found just what I wanted.

Yep, I am officially in for the night.

The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic (III): Between a Rock & a Hard Roll

A few posts back I implored the blog community to supply me with questions so that I would have something to post. And they delivered like Domino's! Here then is my attempt to do right by you all:

Edge said...
Best sex you ever had and what made it so steamy? Naughty boy!!! Since my entire family and my co-workers read this blog, I will put my answer in Arabic. You can go to Google Translator to find out what I said.

وما رأيت ان ابدأ اود ان افيدكم عن أي جنس مشبع بالبخار الاطلاق؟ وهي كثافه الخاصة وتجربة خاصة انني لن اشارك احدا فقط! لكن ، فقط لانك لن ترضى ، وهنا بعض الكلمات الرئيسية : الصبي ، عاريا وحمام البخار والوصابي والشرطة السجن مرة البنت الاطراف والايدي ، والترحيل. ان كفى لك؟

the psycho therapist said...

Where is he? In my heart and soul, every minute of every day. Wait ... what? Who did you think I was talking about?

Why do you need "constant validation" and attention? What are you, some kind of psycho therapist? Since you are new around here, I will allow a certain amount of play in this piece of twine, but not too much! You should know better than to press me on anything I have said; I will only lie to sidestep the discomfort. If you were to examine my Johari and Nohari windows, you would discover that I am a complex, alluring, and immature beast. Now, to answer your question! I need constant validation and attention because I am, at heart, an actress; you, my audience. The classroom, the blogosphere, the family dinner table, the grocery checkout line, the daily path I tread ... is my stage. What of it?

What has to happen inside of your mind before you'll swallow a man's [soul]? If you knew me better, you'd know that the [word] you used is one of my least favorite words in the vast lexicon of human mating behavior. I did say I'd answer any question, though, so I'll answer my [edit] instead: Before I even consider taking a bite of anything, I read the nutritional label. However, once I commit to opening the package, I eat 'til it's empty.

Do you prefer the finger or the tongue? As a pianist, I much prefer the finger. I tried to play Flight of the Bumblebee with my tongue once, and landed myself in the hospital. Not cool!

When will Axis II Personality Disordered individuals have their own reality show and who will kill first? I had to look up this terminology, and once I did, I realized that it is already happening, and it is only a matter of time. They are biding their time.

Diedre said...
Have you ever been to Estonia? Indeed! I went in 1999 with my two sisters, for the Song Festival.



I'll post about it someday. It was quite extraordinary to be surrounded by people speaking my language, and actually took some getting used to. It's a beautiful country and I recommend you visit!


jb3ll3 said...
How does a thermos really know? How do keep hot things hot and cold things cold? How does it really know? Silly girl! Everybody know that within the depths of every Thermos lives a tiny little Eskimo family:

When your food starts to get too warm, the Eskimo mother chips out an ice block and puts your food on it. If your food needs to stay warm, the Eskimo father goes out and clubs a seal, skins it, wraps your food in the fur, and makes a tallow-candle out of the blubber to warm your vittles by. Duh!

Marisa said...
Should I or shouldn't I? Ahh, if we could only be sure ahead of time! There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity. [General Douglas MacArthur]


Freewheel said...
Which bloggers have you met in person? After you met them, did they seem like the person you imagined when you read their blog? I spent a weekend with Monkey, and he was much more fussy and indignant than I ever had imagined. To make up for that, he was infinitely more cuddly and lovable. And what a diva! Read all about it starting here.

Kat said...
I believe a lot of your kids look to you as THAT teacher. What teacher was your biggest inspiration and why? Besides my parents and grandparents, who were the most influential teachers I had, I believe that my high school science and Spanish teachers had the biggest impact on me; I suspect it was their humor and their own love of learning that impacted me the most.


jamwall said...
if I tell you that you have a nice bottle of wesson cooking oil ... will you rub it against me? I no longer have welts. If you had been paying attention when I told you, the Wesson is all gone. I have about 1/4 cup of jalapeño-flavored corn oil left, and a giant rubber spatula! Start running! I'll give you a head start.


miss kendra said...
do you miss me, even thought we've never met? I crave your sequin-swaddled self every tick tick tick of the clock.

sometimes I'm so happy that the internet allowed me to meet you (and others) and then other times i resent that i have friends who are so far away. do you agree? Very much so. It's an odd and endearing community, and I think of you as friends. Friends as dear as any. And I have the presents to prove it!

salty, sweet, spicy, savory? I like a greasy mishmash of all of the above.


MsLittlePea said...
Can you disco dance? Does an ant have teeth?

Do you know how to make pies? Yes! I have made at least two floorpies, and also pumpkin.

Do you love your neighbor as yourself? Not quite, but I did give him a jump-start today.

Do you love cupcakes? Yes, and do you want my address?

Have you ever went and ate worms when you felt unloved? No, but when I was 6, I discovered that some rocks taste salty. I used to walk around with a fistful of small pebbles in my mouth, just for the taste. I had my own personal salt lick; I used to store them under my bed and then re-suck them on the sly, whenever I had the opportunity. Then one day, I choked on one. After my dad saved my life, he thrashed me for having rocks in my mouth and I told him I didn’t know why I did it, I just wanted to see what they might taste like this one time. My twin sister, ever vigilant, sang like a bird: “Nuh-uh, she’s lying; she does it all the time! She has a huge pile of them under the bed!”

Bill said...
Why are you making me think when it's after midnight? Because, like all writers, you need to be pushed to avoid fading into mediocrity.

If life's for living, what's living for? (That's a line stolen from a Kinks song.) Living is for giving ... and forgiving.

I'm going to redo my kitchen, so - what colour? My blog colors (that's American for colours), or else pale yellow and periwinkle, or baby blue and brown (very hip and very now). Whatever color you like, go here to find colors that [surprisingly] work well together. Happy painting!


yournamehere said...
When you eventually marry me, can we have red velvet cake instead of boring old white cake? I would absolutely have a red velvet cake, as long as it wasn't shaped as an armadillo. As for you & me, this will only work out if you are OK with matriarchal polygamy, or with being my pool boy, 'cause I gots me a boy toy I ain't partin' with.

Übermilf said...
How many doughnuts are too many? What do you mean?

Also, of COURSE you love cupcakes! Yes, and do you want my address?

And, if you and Kendra want to meet somewhat halfway, you can both come to my house for tea. I couldn't imagine meeting one of you without the other.

Tits McGee said...
Why have so many people recently arrived at my blog after having searched for "pear tits?" I don't know, but if you moved to The UK you could have Great Tits.

BadGod said...
Do you listen to Opie & Anthony? Still no. Wait ... you're Opie, aren't you.

Am I the greatest thing ever? Close to it, and may I add how delighted I am to see you here, haunting my blog despite your own blog absence? My first blog friend, back to visit.

Ever 'done it' in the..uh...place of....poo making? I'm sorry, I can't break your top secret code; could you be a little less cryptic?

Does anyone really know what time it is? Mark does.

Why should I not "fear the reaper"? Because seasons don't fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain. We can be like they are!

Will you keep answering my questions? Sure, baby.

Where have I been for the last few weeks? Sleeping in your truck.

I think Estonia is a neat word. (that's not a question.)

Who would you like to see play Roland, Eddie, Jake or Susannah if a Dark Tower movie is ever made? Oh, now you've opened the Pandora's Box, haven't you. All right then:

Who can really play Roland? I assume that I can choose anyone, from any time, so I choose the much younger Clint Eastwood of Man Without a Face. He is the only one who could do it. (Click on Roland's photo at left for a spooky click-through. Ooooohhhhhhhhh ...)

Susannah could be played by Angela Bassett, who can look like a real badass when she is mad. Remember in Waiting to Exhale when she burned the guy's car? What ... you haven't seen Waiting to Exhale? What is wrong with you?!?!?! I considered, then rejected Jada (the tough Matrix Jada, not the smiley Oscar-night one). And why???? Because I am sick of her face. Reason enough!

Jake: River Phoenix. A young, pre-My Own Private Idaho homoerotica River; a Stand By Me River. A living River. Oh, when will my heart stop mourning the loss of this wonderful boy? Yes, Joaquin, I love you, but there is a River-shaped hole in my soul where your brother once was. Oh yes, what was I saying? I think this photo captures the Jake I imagine; sensitive, tough, twice-born, twice-dead.

I struggled with Eddie, but I think I may have found him in David Beckham. He would have to have hair, and lose about 25 pounds for the heroin addict parts, but I think the handsome toughness is there. Now let's just hope he can act.

Where did all of these great questions come from? The Activity Book at Bible camp?

Should I go to sleep now or have one more cigarette? Oh, go for it.

What is the square root of 78,345 divided by pi? 89.0954999

bye! Godspeed, angel, and when shall we meet again?

jiggs said...
what happens if we pressure you? To answer this, let us all recall the Ideal Gas Law:

PV = nRT

[pronounced piv-nurrt]

Where P = pressure, V = volume of blog traffic, n = number of times I send you spam, R = how many times I say the word "retard" in one day, and T = How many of my Kitten in a Sandwich Thongs I throw in the incinerator. Notice that, according to this formula, Pressure and Thong-burning are proportional. You do the math.

B.E. Earl said...
Where is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head? Neither. Everybody knows that fancy bred is in Aisle 1, between whole wheat and dinner rolls.

Shanshu said...
How many times in a single day have you ever taken a picture of yourself, and then re-taken the same picture in the hopes of making yourself look better? Or, to make the entire picture look better? Usually about 3 takes to get the shot where I don't have a double chin and my hair looks the most fabu.

miss kendra said...
how do you take your coffee? strong, with half & half

eggs? Any way that's not raw.

what is your favorite song? or top three? what is it that you like about those songs? I love saddish love-related songs, like Gypsy (Suzanne Vega), Love Song for a Vampire (Annie Lennox), and Secret World (Peter Gabriel). They verbalize an emotion that I love feeling; listen, and you will know.

jamwall said...
how many licks does it take to get to the center of a cowbell gene? A cowbell jean? I lost count after the first one.

This was too too fun; let's mingle again soon. Thanks for indulging me!

Who needs therapy when we have Blogthings?!?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperament Are You?

Editorial note: This is the second blogthing that has told me I overthink things. What do you think that means? Is it good to think about my life and events in it, or should I just let them happen and react? Would it be easier if I were dumber? Do I cause myself unnecessary angst by mulling it all over? Hmmm ...

Y'all pull up a stool and set a spell.

'Cause I got stuff to say. And when I say it, I want you here listenin'.

I actually have a cowgirl outfit quite similar to this.

The Blogging thing is hard for me sometimes; in the beginning it was easier to be honest on my blog and to say how I really felt about things, but as more and more people have started reading it (including family and close friends), it gets harder to do that. It’s like when you go to a new city and in the beginning you can act like a big asshole because nobody knows you; but as you become a member of the community, you reel it in a bit. At least I do. Either that or move to a new town so I can keep being an asshole.

Mostly, my creativity gets in a rut sometimes; I just don’t have enough feelings about things to be able to write well. I find I need to be angry or humorously annoyed to be able to write really well. When I’m just plodding through my relaxing summer, there isn’t much to say. Then one day I wake up & realize that my blog feels like a chore, and that is when I take a break. Or post really simple stuff, or dwell in my childhood by revisiting Sesame Street episodes that make me happy.

While on my short break, I discovered that I am seething with feelings! Yes, it is true! At the moment, I find myself mostly pissed off. Here are some of the things I am pissed off about:

 The stupid 20 year old girls in choir who won’t shut up and even have the nerve to talk on the cell phone. DURING REHEARSAL!

 The teacher on my team (who brought the dog to work) who won’t shut up when I am trying to run a meeting, and the other teacher who sits across from her and shouts back at her. It’s like Cage Match, and I’m the referee.

 The way Shepherd Boy appears in my dreams unexpectedly, and then acts like we’ve been talking for the past 13 years instead of this void of silence that I hate so much.

 I’m mad at alcohol, because why does it have to be something that is so nice and so fun and oh, this red goes so nicely with the veal, and then suddenly one day you wake up more hung-over than you have ever been in your life and realize it’s a problem for you? Why couldn’t it just stay fun and easy? And I can’t ever go back to fun and easy, because I am past that. Fuck you, ETOH!

 When I wrote you the long email about my MS diagnosis, this comment, which I guess was the best you could do: “Wow, that is a lot to digest.” Yeah, sorry my multiple scle-fuckin-RO-sis is so hard for you. Guess I overestimated you. Don’t talk to me; if you do, I’ll just pretend I was talking about someone else.

 Although I feel like I have a right to make jokes like this, and that makes me happy.

Now if I can get a few scary dolls, teddy bears, or thumb-sucking teenage girls (my best rant ever, and worth the click) back into my life, I’ll really have some fodder for the mill.

Until then, please just lie on top of me and wiggle so I can feel better and release some of this anger.