writing notes in class

Today I sat in a workshop for 8 hours; sometimes I wrote things down. I wrote my bucket list, which I'll share tomorrow, and this:

I also flipped through a whole body + soul magazine, and got some great tips for living green, which I'll also share. It's amazing what you can learn when you have a chance to sit still for a few minutes!!!

The Alphabet Meme

This is a repost (originally posted in July 2006). I like it.

I borrowed this idea from my secret lovah, but I also changed it rather drastically because some of the terms restricted me too much. Like my breasts, my ideas need to be free to bounce. Maybe this meme will spread across the internets and I will be famous!!!

I doubt.

But here it is, in all its glory!

A
Always: Trying to live my best life, my most authentic and honest life.
Average: In most ways, except for intelligence and beauty, wittiness, talent, and charm. Otherwise, I'm in the 50th percentile.
Annoyance: People who walk around with their wireless headsets on. Especially if they are talking into them. Today, on my errands, I became one of those people. I hate myself.
Age: Physical -- 37. Mental -- I'll forever be 17.

B
Best Friends: My sisters, San-San, and Elle. Fabulous girls who bring out the best in me.
Beer: Never again.
Birthday: 11.5
Boast: I can play the Bumblebee Tuna Song on the harmonica; I taught myself.

C
Crush: My favorite song by Dave Matthews. Also, Johnny Depp. Also, Jamwall and Jiggs, the bread in my SG-n-cheese sandwich.
Car: Noisy, necessary.
Candy: Not a fan. Cheesecake? Yes.
Cry: When I need to, usually into my pillow.

D
Days: Spent out of doors remind me that I am alive.
Dream: Of swimming underwater, breathing. Of flying, low to the ground, after a running start. Then crashing into a shrub.
Dare: To cross Long Island Sound in a 6' rowboat; to jump from a 40' cliff into the Ligurian Sea. To travel for weeks at a time. To fly in a hot air balloon. To go on safari. To live in Australia. One of those I will never do, and all of them I will tell my mom about long after they happened.
Drug: Of choice --- cheddar. Drugs are bad! Listen to Nancy Reagan! Never was into powders, pills & plants smoked or otherwise imbibed. Alcohol? Ask me later and I'll tell you the story again.

E
Easy: To see the positive in almost any situation.
Eggs: every day, almost. Hard boiled, on toast. No, scrambled. Oooh, with cheese & tomato.
Email: constant.
Envy: A sprite with short blond hair and a boyish body. Why is that?

F
Flavors: fresh herbs, good balsamic vinegar, sea salt.
Favorites: at the moment ... toast with jam and James Blunt. My kayak. My black sandals. Spray tan.
Flaws: Temper, venom, pride.
Finicky: about seeds. No caraway, please. Flax? Too slippery. Poppy? Maybe. Sesame!

G
Grateful: To be fully & wholly alive.
Gifts: Music, humor, the written word.
Gum: Orbit. Trident. Altoid peppermint.
Gross: The squished mouse on the road, the drowned earthworm on the asphalt. Bear smell. Dog shit.

H
Hair: I should shave it off to curb my own vanity. As if I could. It is a glorious mane.
Height: I see all your house-dust, above the places where you could reach. Also your dandruff and down your neckline to your nipples, even meaning not to.
Happiest: Near water.
Hate: Do I hate anything? Caraway seeds, but we covered that. I hate being lied to and being ignored.

I
Ice Cream: Ben & Jerry's Mint Oreo, or whatever you are serving at the moment. Except bubblegum. Ew.
Instrument: Piano. Guitar. Voice. Mind.
Idols: Barbara Kingsolver. Carl Sagan. Stephen King.
Independence: Does not come easily. Value the work that went into it.

J
Jewelry: Silver mostly. Almost never a watch. Dragonfly necklace.
Jail: A great place to meet guys. A fun place to learn how to take what you're dealt. In my opinion, you've made some really big mistakes if you end up incarcerated. Easy for me to judge, living on this side of the law & my good luck.
Jenga: I really hate this game.
Jammies: 24-7. Unless I need to go out.

K
Kids: Are really cute until they are about 9.
Karaoke: Is for drunk people & people who can actually sing.
Kicks: Soccer, rugby, climbing, swimming
Kiss: Would be nice.

L
Longest ...: Night of my life --- lost in the woods in Ontario, sleeping on a granite rock, in the pouring rain.
Love: What else is there?
Life: Just this one time around. Don't f*** it up.
Lost: Something important that I thought was dispensable, at the time.

M
Milk: Icy cold, with hot fresh brownies. 2%.
Miss: Noun: My title at work ("Miss G"); verb: a daily emotion. Miss my cat, my childhood, my old house, my grandfather, my old boyfriend, my old room, a certain tree, the way the sky looked that one day.
Movies: Not as fun as they used to be because most people are assholes.
Memory: The fox that ran across the road and pounced high into the air then straight down, both paws on a mouse.

N
Nails: Short as I can stand them
No: To skydiving. I don't care if I should do it once. I will never do it. What? I'm a wuss? Fine. A wuss who loves & respects the inevitability of gravity. See how I lie on my belly and kiss the ground. Ooooh, sweet gravity. Come here & lay a big dirt smooch on me.
Name: Muthana
Never: To hang-gliding either. See above.

O
Ordinary: My expectations regarding most things.
One: The number of times I will let you hurt my feelings.
Office: The best show on TV.
Only: A word that helps me to expect less and to be patient.

P
Pet Peeves: Huge gums. Snapping gum. Cracking knuckles. Tailgaters.
Primal urge: to break something so utterly that it can never be repaired.
Personality: so much more important than anything else.
Pain: An everyday reality.

Q
Quick: to laugh, to judge, to respond, to change my mind, to smile, to think of an alternative
Quirk: I suck rocks for the salty taste.
Qualms: About staying put. About changing.
Quest: To leave a thumbprint on your life.

R
Reason to ...: forgive. That we're all just doing the best we can.
Reality TV: The bane of intelligence, and my secret pleasure. Yes, I watched every single episode of Temptation Island.
Rage: A blinding red streak that I have not seen in a very long time.
Regret: Why does this one always come up? Just one, I said.

S
Song: My body sings my soul.
Season: Autumn's first crisp chill.
Shoes: Bare toes, painted watermelon.
Silly: The child in us.

T
Time: Don't bring work home so that your time at home is your own.
Ticklish: Trained myself not to be ticklish on the bottoms of my feet because I used to lie on my stomach and read with my feet in the air; my dad would tickle them when he went by, and I liked that he did that. I didn't want to flinch.
Taste: Very Pottery Barn, very Pier 1. Also, I love toile, but don't have much in my house.
Torment: Sleeplessness. Looking at the clock, knowing I have to work in 4 .. 3 ... 2 hours.

U
Undress: The minute I get home from work, and put on my PJ pants and tank top.
Unpredictable: Most things strike me as funny, and I laugh at the wrong time.
Unfortunate: I got the job and you didn't. Doesn't mean you have to be mad at me.
Unforgettable: It started to drizzle as we walked through the rhododendrons, and you reached back through the leaves for my hand.

V
Vegetables: Anything but okra.
Virgin: Olive Oil
Vacation: Tuscany
Voice: Alto

W
Worst Habit: Sleeping too long; soaking dishes instead of just washing them already
Wish: World peace, of course. Are we almost there?
Waste: I don't like to throw things out, so I give them away.
Wander: Paralyzing fear of getting lost as I drive in the car. To desensitize myself I drive and get lost on purpose, then find my way out. I don't think it has helped much.

X
X-Rated: Porn is gross.
X-Rays: It freaks me out that you can see people's bones, and a nail in their head.
X-Men: Still waiting for the first one to get here from Blockbuster.com so that I can watch 2 and 3 and see what all the hype is about.
X-marks the spot: I hide dollars from myself in the pockets of my winter clothes, to find later.

Y
Year born: 1968
Yes: to cheese.
Yellow: and orange, two colors I don't wear.
Yearn: secret words whispered into my hair at sunset

Z
Zoo Animal: Tiger
Zodiac: Scorpio. Ain't it obvious?!?
Zealous: about Mozart. If you love him too, then you understand.
Zzzz: My bed is the best place in the world.

We all scream.

Madge's recent post reminded me that ice cream season is upon us! New readers may not know that I plan to open an Ice Cream Shoppe featuring unusual flavors. Here is the list of flavors that we all have come up with so far. Can you help add to the list?

Asparagus
Asphalt
Astroglide
Ass
Asshat
Astroglide
Autumn Leaves
Bactine
Bangers-n-Mash
Beef Barley
Beet
Blood
Borgnine
Bum Fluff
Burnt Chicken Skin
Calzone
Canker
Cellulite
Choad
Cigar
Clam Chowder
Clams Casino
Cod Liver Oil
Crunchy Frog
Curds-n-Whey
Defeat
Dentures
Dirty Girl
Dirty Sanchez
Dust Bunny
Edamame
Eggs Over Easy
Fish & Chips
Flannel
Fredo
Fred Flintstone's feet
Fried Green Tomatoes
Fungoid Tincture
Gauze
Goat Teat
Grout
Guilt
Guinness (actually, that exists)
Haggis
Hamster
Hatred
Hobo
Hosni
Huggies
Kitty Litter
Klean Prep
Kosher Dill
Kudzu
Melanoma Mudpie
Metal
Mint Pussy
Moonshine
Moth
Mothball
Motherf***ing Chocolate Milk!
My Plums
Non-Acetone Nail Polish Remover
Nose Crispitos
Noxzema
Nuts and Bolts
Nutty Chunks o' Nail
Orange Ya Glad I Didn't Say Banana
Pickles
Pimento
Pimple
Pipe Tobacco
Plaque
Pony
Preparation H
Psoriasis
Rich Corinthian Leather
Scabies-n-Rabies
Scunge
Scurvy
Self-Loathing
Shalimar
Shame
Sheep Teat
Shepherds Pie
Shoe Insert Surprise
Soapy Suds
Sperm Ice
Spiderweb
Spinach
Swamp Ass
Taco Salad
Toejammygoodness
Toner
Tongue Depressor
Toothpaste
Tube Steak
Unflossed
Vomint
WD-40
Wet Hairball
White School Paste
Whore
Wolverine

Also, let me know which of the flavors from Vanilla Panda you would like to see added to the List of Flavors.

Swallow now; taste later.

Friday's Feast

Feast One Hundred & Forty One

Appetizer
How fast can you type?
I am the slowest typist of all time. I never learned how to do it properly, so I am a pecker. I hunt, then I peck. I peck with the thumb and first two fingers of each hand. I am all over the keyboard, as though I were playing Flight of the Bumblebee. It is dizzying. Within the span of a minute, I can make dozens of typos. This is one of my greatest sources of pride!

Soup
What is your favorite online game?
I don't play many games online, but I did get hooked on Drifts and Ice Breaker for a while. I also watch BadgerBadgerBadger about once a week at the insistence of my niece, who is 3. Who among you can resist a toddler saying "badzubadzu?" and looking up at you with plaintive eyes? Who, I ask?!?!?!?

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 as highest), how intelligent do you think you are?

Probably an 8. No, that sounds ambitious. Maybe a 7. There are some pretty darn smart people who live (and have lived) among us.

Main Course
Name three of your best teachers from your school years.

You don't know them, shall I still name them? I choose Dr. Wilson, my Freshman (college) English professor; Mr. Chervansky, my high school biology teacher; and Mrs. Thompson, my second grade teacher. I should do a post about each of them, as they were quite extraordinary.

Dessert
What are your plans for this upcoming weekend?
I am going to install a giant meat hook in my bedroom ceiling and maybe get a mani-pedi; visit my family, grade 96 papers, and watch The Science of Sleep.

How about you? Play along!

Friday's Feast

(push the button)

Feast One Hundred and Thirty Four

Appetizer
What is your usual bedtime? Do you like that, or would you rather it be different?

I go to bed between 10:30 and 11:00 most nights, with fluctuations based upon how hard the 8th graders kicked my ass on a given day. I have been known to get in bed at 6:00. Lame! Sometimes I stay up way too late, and then I pay. Morning SG hates night-party SG.

Soup
When it comes to advice, do you give more or receive more?

I am not a huge giver of advice, unless asked. Even then, I'd rather listen. People usually figure out what they want to do. I've received some great advice from people, usually after they have listened quite a bit. Listening is so very important!

Salad
Describe a memorable meal you've had.

A meal that brought tears to my eyes is the goat cheese & portobello mushroom crostini at The Good News Cafe. Actually, looking at the amazing menu, here is its official description: Warm Portobello Mushroom Toast & "Coach Farm" goat cheese with roasted peppers, greens & miso dressing. The combination of flavors in this is so exquisite that words fail me. And when have we known that to happen?!?!?

Main Course
Name a work of fiction that affected the way you think about something.

Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible changed my thinking about the plenty of this country against the backdrop of Africa's poverty. It caused me to have a meltdown at the grocery store, in the toothpaste aisle. I was faced with row upon row of bright boxed toothpaste packaging and I thought, why on earth do we need to put something that is already in a tube, into a box!?!?!?!? And so many choices!!! Meanwhile, in my novel, the village had to burn a hill and shoot every animal as it jumped through the flames, to get meat for survival. Little children combed the burnt hillside putting crispy roasted bugs into their baskets. And here I was in comfortable shoes, well-fed, faced with 20 choices of brightly-colored boxes of paste for cleaning my teeth, for chrissake. It was just too much.

Dessert
What is your favorite type of fruit juice?

Duh! Apple cider!

Meditations on a Chilly Mannequin (reposting is my life)

Why are these poor, poor mannequins displayed in shop windows wearing next-to-nothing on a day when it is 22 degrees out? I, the potential customer passing by, am not tempted to buy these little items on a day like this, and especially when these cold, hard mannequins look so uncomfortable in them. Their cold, hard little nipples do not entice me either. They could chip ice. Eat a cheeseburger, you skinny perky bitch!

One time, in band camp … oh, who am I kidding? I never went to band camp! Estonian Girl Scout camp, baby! All the way! I think one of the high points of camp was when my friend Kulp and I decided to try “smoking” so we rolled up a bunch of cotton balls into a notebook-paper cylinder, lit it, and took a huge drag. After I recovered from the second-degree burns on my larynx, I decided that smoking might not be a healthy habit. It wasn’t until later that I began to crave the leaf, and while I never became a smoker, I kissed a lot of guys who did, just so I could get a contact buzz.

In 1984, also at camp, we went on this gigantic hike, wherein myself and 13 other people got lost in the woods of northern Ontario for 14 hours. It was scary, yet fun. At one point, we crossed a swamp, and Royd dropped all of the loaves of bread in the water. We survived on 2 boxes of raisins, a smoked meat stick, and 2 cans of beer shared between the 14 of us. We had already decided whom we would eat if we were lost for days, and luckily it wasn’t me (too stringy). As we hunted for a trail and fresh water, I decided I wanted to look pretty when they found my body so I put on blue eyeliner. 15 minutes later we hit a road and I’m pretty sure it was my blue eyeliner that scored us the lift from that pickup truck. Either that, or my 22 plastic bangle bracelets.

I was so fashionable in the 80's. Ohhhh, yeah. I had the little purse with the wooden handles and the interchangeable button-on covers. I had penny loafers with real pennies in them, sometimes dimes because I'm a rebel that way ... My hair feathered in the most perfect way, starting right in the middle at the part and traveling all the way down the side in a roll that ended at my shoulders. I wore the button-down shirt with the ribbon tied in a bow at my neck. And what about those sweaters with the puffy sleeves? Yes. Argyle vests? Yes. Knickers? Parachute pants? Adidas sneakers? Rubber bracelets? Headgear?? Yes, yes, yes, yes, oh god, yes.

I used to love shoelaces and ribbons with little pictures on them, like ice cream cones or pineapples, or little jumping frogs. I could not have enough of those. Today, I saw a girl with a belt that had little cherries embroidered on it, and I had a flashback to elementary school. It hit me like a wave. So fuck you again, Amy Campbell!

Friday's Feast

This new weekly feature will last for as long as I can stand myself. (Ooops! Game over! Just kidding. Please indulge me. You can play too, go here to find out more!)

Bon apetit!

Appetizer

What does the color pink make you think of?

Pigs, rolling in peeps, wearing hot pants.

Soup

Name something you thought you had lost, but later found.

I'm still hunting for the hoodie sweatshirt my grandmother gave me, which I wore once and then lost at school. When I find it, I will update this post (it was 1976)

Salad

In 3 words, describe this past week.

Short, snowy, stiff

Main Course

What are you obsessed with?

TBDOA, Johnny Depp, Jamwall, and Edy's Grand Apple Pie Ice Cream.

Dessert

What kind of perfume or cologne do you like to wear?

Lolita Lempicka. And I'm out of it! Let's go, people!

A little something caught in my teeth.

I was flossing this morning, and I came across this:

twolf1920 has left a new comment on your post Keep those questions comin': Might be too late, but here goes! Whats the most EMBARRASSING thing that ever happened to you? If you tell me YOURS, I will tell you MINE!

Sorry twolf, I hope you didn't feel too left out of the blogsnuggle. Here is my reply:

I have two related embarrasing tales, both of which involve underwear.

Embarrassing Tale #1 (grade three): Amy Campbell untied my wrap-around skirt so that when I stood up to return my tray, my skirt fell down and the whole cafeteria saw my little briefs with the assortment of colored mushrooms all over them (what in the seven levels of Hell were those all about?!?). At least, I always blamed her; but I was never really sure whether she did it, or if it just came untied on its own. Fuck you anyway, Amy Campbell!

Embarrassing Tale #2 (circa 1998): I was teaching high school and sharing a room with a woman who was in charge of the Senior Homecoming Float. Hence I thought nothing of it when I saw a scrap of fabric lying in the middle of the floor. After the students had gone, I picked it up and discovered, holy shit, this is underwear. Holy everliving fuck, this is my underwear! I had a pair of panties stuck inside my pants leg from a previous wearing, that had worked their way out onto the floor of my classroom of sophomores. To this day I wonder at what point they were hanging, hermit-crab-like, half in/half out of my pants leg. Fuck you again, Amy Campbell!! Fuck you foreverrrrrrr!!!!

The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic (III): Between a Rock & a Hard Roll

A few posts back I implored the blog community to supply me with questions so that I would have something to post. And they delivered like Domino's! Here then is my attempt to do right by you all:

Edge said...
Best sex you ever had and what made it so steamy? Naughty boy!!! Since my entire family and my co-workers read this blog, I will put my answer in Arabic. You can go to Google Translator to find out what I said.

وما رأيت ان ابدأ اود ان افيدكم عن أي جنس مشبع بالبخار الاطلاق؟ وهي كثافه الخاصة وتجربة خاصة انني لن اشارك احدا فقط! لكن ، فقط لانك لن ترضى ، وهنا بعض الكلمات الرئيسية : الصبي ، عاريا وحمام البخار والوصابي والشرطة السجن مرة البنت الاطراف والايدي ، والترحيل. ان كفى لك؟

the psycho therapist said...

Where is he? In my heart and soul, every minute of every day. Wait ... what? Who did you think I was talking about?

Why do you need "constant validation" and attention? What are you, some kind of psycho therapist? Since you are new around here, I will allow a certain amount of play in this piece of twine, but not too much! You should know better than to press me on anything I have said; I will only lie to sidestep the discomfort. If you were to examine my Johari and Nohari windows, you would discover that I am a complex, alluring, and immature beast. Now, to answer your question! I need constant validation and attention because I am, at heart, an actress; you, my audience. The classroom, the blogosphere, the family dinner table, the grocery checkout line, the daily path I tread ... is my stage. What of it?

What has to happen inside of your mind before you'll swallow a man's [soul]? If you knew me better, you'd know that the [word] you used is one of my least favorite words in the vast lexicon of human mating behavior. I did say I'd answer any question, though, so I'll answer my [edit] instead: Before I even consider taking a bite of anything, I read the nutritional label. However, once I commit to opening the package, I eat 'til it's empty.

Do you prefer the finger or the tongue? As a pianist, I much prefer the finger. I tried to play Flight of the Bumblebee with my tongue once, and landed myself in the hospital. Not cool!

When will Axis II Personality Disordered individuals have their own reality show and who will kill first? I had to look up this terminology, and once I did, I realized that it is already happening, and it is only a matter of time. They are biding their time.

Diedre said...
Have you ever been to Estonia? Indeed! I went in 1999 with my two sisters, for the Song Festival.



I'll post about it someday. It was quite extraordinary to be surrounded by people speaking my language, and actually took some getting used to. It's a beautiful country and I recommend you visit!


jb3ll3 said...
How does a thermos really know? How do keep hot things hot and cold things cold? How does it really know? Silly girl! Everybody know that within the depths of every Thermos lives a tiny little Eskimo family:

When your food starts to get too warm, the Eskimo mother chips out an ice block and puts your food on it. If your food needs to stay warm, the Eskimo father goes out and clubs a seal, skins it, wraps your food in the fur, and makes a tallow-candle out of the blubber to warm your vittles by. Duh!

Marisa said...
Should I or shouldn't I? Ahh, if we could only be sure ahead of time! There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity. [General Douglas MacArthur]


Freewheel said...
Which bloggers have you met in person? After you met them, did they seem like the person you imagined when you read their blog? I spent a weekend with Monkey, and he was much more fussy and indignant than I ever had imagined. To make up for that, he was infinitely more cuddly and lovable. And what a diva! Read all about it starting here.

Kat said...
I believe a lot of your kids look to you as THAT teacher. What teacher was your biggest inspiration and why? Besides my parents and grandparents, who were the most influential teachers I had, I believe that my high school science and Spanish teachers had the biggest impact on me; I suspect it was their humor and their own love of learning that impacted me the most.


jamwall said...
if I tell you that you have a nice bottle of wesson cooking oil ... will you rub it against me? I no longer have welts. If you had been paying attention when I told you, the Wesson is all gone. I have about 1/4 cup of jalapeño-flavored corn oil left, and a giant rubber spatula! Start running! I'll give you a head start.


miss kendra said...
do you miss me, even thought we've never met? I crave your sequin-swaddled self every tick tick tick of the clock.

sometimes I'm so happy that the internet allowed me to meet you (and others) and then other times i resent that i have friends who are so far away. do you agree? Very much so. It's an odd and endearing community, and I think of you as friends. Friends as dear as any. And I have the presents to prove it!

salty, sweet, spicy, savory? I like a greasy mishmash of all of the above.


MsLittlePea said...
Can you disco dance? Does an ant have teeth?

Do you know how to make pies? Yes! I have made at least two floorpies, and also pumpkin.

Do you love your neighbor as yourself? Not quite, but I did give him a jump-start today.

Do you love cupcakes? Yes, and do you want my address?

Have you ever went and ate worms when you felt unloved? No, but when I was 6, I discovered that some rocks taste salty. I used to walk around with a fistful of small pebbles in my mouth, just for the taste. I had my own personal salt lick; I used to store them under my bed and then re-suck them on the sly, whenever I had the opportunity. Then one day, I choked on one. After my dad saved my life, he thrashed me for having rocks in my mouth and I told him I didn’t know why I did it, I just wanted to see what they might taste like this one time. My twin sister, ever vigilant, sang like a bird: “Nuh-uh, she’s lying; she does it all the time! She has a huge pile of them under the bed!”

Bill said...
Why are you making me think when it's after midnight? Because, like all writers, you need to be pushed to avoid fading into mediocrity.

If life's for living, what's living for? (That's a line stolen from a Kinks song.) Living is for giving ... and forgiving.

I'm going to redo my kitchen, so - what colour? My blog colors (that's American for colours), or else pale yellow and periwinkle, or baby blue and brown (very hip and very now). Whatever color you like, go here to find colors that [surprisingly] work well together. Happy painting!


yournamehere said...
When you eventually marry me, can we have red velvet cake instead of boring old white cake? I would absolutely have a red velvet cake, as long as it wasn't shaped as an armadillo. As for you & me, this will only work out if you are OK with matriarchal polygamy, or with being my pool boy, 'cause I gots me a boy toy I ain't partin' with.

Übermilf said...
How many doughnuts are too many? What do you mean?

Also, of COURSE you love cupcakes! Yes, and do you want my address?

And, if you and Kendra want to meet somewhat halfway, you can both come to my house for tea. I couldn't imagine meeting one of you without the other.

Tits McGee said...
Why have so many people recently arrived at my blog after having searched for "pear tits?" I don't know, but if you moved to The UK you could have Great Tits.

BadGod said...
Do you listen to Opie & Anthony? Still no. Wait ... you're Opie, aren't you.

Am I the greatest thing ever? Close to it, and may I add how delighted I am to see you here, haunting my blog despite your own blog absence? My first blog friend, back to visit.

Ever 'done it' in the..uh...place of....poo making? I'm sorry, I can't break your top secret code; could you be a little less cryptic?

Does anyone really know what time it is? Mark does.

Why should I not "fear the reaper"? Because seasons don't fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain. We can be like they are!

Will you keep answering my questions? Sure, baby.

Where have I been for the last few weeks? Sleeping in your truck.

I think Estonia is a neat word. (that's not a question.)

Who would you like to see play Roland, Eddie, Jake or Susannah if a Dark Tower movie is ever made? Oh, now you've opened the Pandora's Box, haven't you. All right then:

Who can really play Roland? I assume that I can choose anyone, from any time, so I choose the much younger Clint Eastwood of Man Without a Face. He is the only one who could do it. (Click on Roland's photo at left for a spooky click-through. Ooooohhhhhhhhh ...)

Susannah could be played by Angela Bassett, who can look like a real badass when she is mad. Remember in Waiting to Exhale when she burned the guy's car? What ... you haven't seen Waiting to Exhale? What is wrong with you?!?!?! I considered, then rejected Jada (the tough Matrix Jada, not the smiley Oscar-night one). And why???? Because I am sick of her face. Reason enough!

Jake: River Phoenix. A young, pre-My Own Private Idaho homoerotica River; a Stand By Me River. A living River. Oh, when will my heart stop mourning the loss of this wonderful boy? Yes, Joaquin, I love you, but there is a River-shaped hole in my soul where your brother once was. Oh yes, what was I saying? I think this photo captures the Jake I imagine; sensitive, tough, twice-born, twice-dead.

I struggled with Eddie, but I think I may have found him in David Beckham. He would have to have hair, and lose about 25 pounds for the heroin addict parts, but I think the handsome toughness is there. Now let's just hope he can act.

Where did all of these great questions come from? The Activity Book at Bible camp?

Should I go to sleep now or have one more cigarette? Oh, go for it.

What is the square root of 78,345 divided by pi? 89.0954999

bye! Godspeed, angel, and when shall we meet again?

jiggs said...
what happens if we pressure you? To answer this, let us all recall the Ideal Gas Law:

PV = nRT

[pronounced piv-nurrt]

Where P = pressure, V = volume of blog traffic, n = number of times I send you spam, R = how many times I say the word "retard" in one day, and T = How many of my Kitten in a Sandwich Thongs I throw in the incinerator. Notice that, according to this formula, Pressure and Thong-burning are proportional. You do the math.

B.E. Earl said...
Where is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head? Neither. Everybody knows that fancy bred is in Aisle 1, between whole wheat and dinner rolls.

Shanshu said...
How many times in a single day have you ever taken a picture of yourself, and then re-taken the same picture in the hopes of making yourself look better? Or, to make the entire picture look better? Usually about 3 takes to get the shot where I don't have a double chin and my hair looks the most fabu.

miss kendra said...
how do you take your coffee? strong, with half & half

eggs? Any way that's not raw.

what is your favorite song? or top three? what is it that you like about those songs? I love saddish love-related songs, like Gypsy (Suzanne Vega), Love Song for a Vampire (Annie Lennox), and Secret World (Peter Gabriel). They verbalize an emotion that I love feeling; listen, and you will know.

jamwall said...
how many licks does it take to get to the center of a cowbell gene? A cowbell jean? I lost count after the first one.

This was too too fun; let's mingle again soon. Thanks for indulging me!

sssssssssssssssssssssssssspinnerina

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Popular and crafty, you are a master at the art of seduction. You are intelligent and intuitive, and make a savvy businessperson. You have the most amazingly jiggly buttocks. You live life to the fullest, even if it means maxing out your credit cards. Many people are secretly (and hopelessly) in love with you. You are most compatible with a Rooster or Ox.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

Who needs therapy when we have Blogthings?!?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperament Are You?

Editorial note: This is the second blogthing that has told me I overthink things. What do you think that means? Is it good to think about my life and events in it, or should I just let them happen and react? Would it be easier if I were dumber? Do I cause myself unnecessary angst by mulling it all over? Hmmm ...

Green = Easy.

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. Your voice, while nasal and strange, is strangely alluring and memorable. Your buggy eyes haunt the waking dreams of all who cross your path. Your role as a neckbrace is celebrated by the worldwide medical community. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over-think life's problems. But rarely are you melancholy; you turn your observations into uplifting songs of hope for one and all. When life gives you lemons, you make a lemon frappuccino! And when someone grabs you and squeezes you, you pee on their hand. Don't worry - everyone knows it's not easy being green. But you wear it like a pro. Just like your thong, green fits you perfectly. It's no wonder that, like a real frog, you are most at home when mounted simultaneously by at least 15 members of the opposite sex.

What Muppet are You?

quack quack.

What Kind of Meat Are You?

You Are Duck

Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird --- literally. You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy.

It's My Birthday!

Your Birthdate: November 5 (11.5)

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting-edge ideas. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges. Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom Your power color: Tangerine Your power symbol: Ace Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

On November 5 in History ...

1872 - Women's suffrage: In defiance of the law, suffragist Susan B. Anthony votes for the first time, and is later fined $100.

1935 - Parker Brothers releases the board game Monopoly.

Born on November 5 ...

1615 - Ibrahim I, Ottoman Sultan (d. 1648), a man with an amazing hat.

1913 - Vivien Leigh, English actress, who looks so much like me, it's uncanny.

1931 - Ike Turner, road bump in the past of this goddess.

1941 - Art Garfunkel, American musician and .02% of the talent of S&G.

1959 - Bryan Adams, Canadian musician. Everything he does, he does it for me.


Died on November 5 ...

1989 - Vladimir Horowitz, Russian pianist (b. 1903)

The Down & Dirty Blog Frolic (II): Tickle Torture, Spinnerina Style

The subject: Spinning Girl, freshly home from vacation and bleary-eyed from her month of homelessness. Having subjected herself to an open question-and-answer session here, she must now face the music.

Slyde said... a question, huh? ok...why don't you ever call? It’s lonely out here in the cyberverse...p.s. it was nice to see you drop by the site the other week. I was honored :)
I tried to call, but it keeps telling me that you were away from your desk at the moment, or with a client. What do you do, work for a living?!? Also, your blog is hot stuff; your template messes with my browser, though, so I only stop by when I have the patience.

miss kendra said... how far is spinning girl's house, Connecticut from say, Salem Massachusetts? And would spinning girl's house be amenable to a visit say, around the holidays, were someone from California to find herself suddenly on the east coast?
I am exactly 101.101 miles from Salem. This distance can be traversed by the spinmobile in less than 2 hours. Your wish is my command! Beware, though, for Salem (as you well know) is a hotbed of anti-feminine activity. I speak, of course, of the witch trials of old.

Übermilf said... Let no one claim Estonian women aren't hot.
This story speaks for itself. And let us not forget the hottie in the ballpit. Meowr!

DaMasta said... When can I move in?
Yesterday. No, the day before.


"K" Fingerett said... I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on your last "Discuss" post aka the "wtf post" ...Now for a question...Maybe I missed it, because you post so often and I don't get on hear as much as I used to... But, what ever happened to the monkey?
Since you are relatively new to the scene, and started coming around after the Monkey heyday, I will forgive your use of the term “The Monkey”. I must warn you, however, that he would be greatly disdained by your use of this term. He is simply “Monkey”; just as you aren’t “The Fingerett.” I won’t tell him, though, and let’s just keep your error on the QT; otherwise we would be covered with pellets o’ poo.

As for Monkey’s whereabouts, I believe he is resting. After our visit in January, when we fell in love, Monkey was quite heartbroken. He has been spotted from time to time, which eases my mind as to his well-being. Monkeys need their rest, and his hiatus corresponds perfectly with the hibernation period (a little-known fact) of wild monkeys, so I am not worried. If I see him, I will tell him that you asked after him.

Lee Ann said... Why do men have nipples?
To hold their titanium jewelry, of course.

UberGoober said... What is the air speed and velocity of a Sparrow carrying a one-pound coconut?
To answer this question, please consult the following pictogram.

Then, use this simple formula to do the necessary calculations. Duh!

Lightning Bug's Butt said... Do you think tumbleweeds ever find the other bushes lazy?
It is well known that tumbleweeds have a rather holier-than-thou attitude in their approach to all other flora.

Madge said... Do you have any pets?
I had the most wonderful cat, Juku, who died in 2001 of heart failure. I may have another cat soon, now that I don’t have a bitchy landlord.

tits mcgee said... Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Because, just like you, they long to be close to me.

Brooke said... Do you wanna make love? Or do you just wanna fool around?
Is it the first date? Then no. But if we've been out a few times, I'll let you feel me up over my sweater, a little bit.

Juliabohemian said... Why a chicken? Why not a duck?
My thoughts exactly. The goose is also under-represented.

Osbasso said... Verdi "Requiem" in May, 2007. Wanna come out?

Music brings people together.

B.E. Earl said... Why hasn't "Boy's Life" by McCammon been adapted to the big screen yet?
Way overdue. I would hope the director could do it justice. Otherwise, I’d prefer my imagination to any artist’s rendering. Definitely one of my top 5 favorite books of ALL TIME (trust me on this one, folks, and go out & get it).

Kat said... ...seeing as it's been on my mind lately...how do you feel about half torsos?
On myself, I prefer a whole torso. In art, I much prefer a half torso to a headless full torso.

kris said... Dear SG, Not the most positive question, but . . .What is your biggest regret?
I have a few regrets, which I keep to myself. My biggest regret involves throwing something away, which I needed later. But I believe that DaMasta’s no-regrets philosophy is a good one, and I try to model myself after that now that I have discovered it. Thanks, chica, for helping me to live a better life.

jamwall said... yeah, what's your new address? Its time to resume the swap-o-crap proceedings! :) you can e-mail that to me, btw.WORD VERIFICATION: YVEGBOY <--- yodeling veggie boy

The swap-o-crap is one of my favorite blog inventions. Bring it on!

DaMasta said... ... And how soon after I move in can I start sleeping in your bed?
Right after you buy me dinner and rub my feet, just like everybody else. Plus, you are already in the pigpile, so it's just a matter of acquiring a proper blanket.

Anonymous said... are you really related to jiggs casey?
Jiggs and I hope to marry, so after we tie the knot he will be related to me and all my brood.

hyena9 said... What is your personal philosophy on life?
Don’t overthink it.

Bill said ... I have several questions:

Why is it funnier to say bum than it is to say ass?
I must disagree. But funnier than both of these is “coolie”, and the topper is “gadonkadonk”.

Why do very old men on buses who sit beside you make unconscious loud smacking sounds with their lips?
Because, despite the fact that their ears are huge, they can’t actually hear well enough to know that they are making sounds.

How do people tell the difference between a fart and a dump? I mean, how do they know they aren't just going to shit their pants when they let go?
I find potty humor childish and tasteless (as evidenced here and here), so I will not dignify that with a response.

mp said... Why do you pretend not to be a lesbian?
Because most of the gals who hit on me really aren’t my type, and I hope that by laying low I will happen upon the love of my life unexpectedly at Home Depot.

Dave Morris said... Do bees do doobies?
No.

jiggs said... she sells sea shells by the sea shore. Can you say that 5 times fast?
Watch your mail for the bill to replace my monitor after it blew a fuse because of “moisture of unknown origin”.

BadGod said... What is Fermat's Last Theorem? How was it solved? Which is more powerful, gravity or electricity? What is the biological basis of consciousness? The GUT-Power (Grand Unified Theory) was divided into four fundamental powers. Name them and your least favorite sexual position.

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover !
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover !
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced:
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!
The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice !
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
(Kubla Khan or A Vision in a Dream, a Fragment -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge.)


... and my favorite position is the one where you keep scrubbing and scrubbing the blackboard while I stand over you and thrash you with a shelalegh, insisting that it is still dirty, and then you cry.

BadGod said... Also......Name three machines that are 'soulful' according to Jeremy Clarkson. I’m waiting, woman.
1. The George Foreman grill.
2. The close-and-play record player.
3. The weed whacker.

t2ed said... Why did Chris Robinson & Kate Hudson?
Because Nipsy Russel.

Rrramone said... Why?
Because no matter how high the ladder climbs, there’s always one more rung.

And because you were bad.

Sleep Goblin said... How likely is Spinning Girl to be in the Louisville, Kentucky area on October 21st, when her good friend Sleep Goblin is getting married?
I’ve consulted my astrological chart, and my magic 9-ball. While most signs point to “probably not”, there is a giant possibility of some serious snail-mail-love coming your way right around that time.

Bill said... How many times have you watched "Christmas in Connecticut"?
Precisely zero. Celebrated Christmas ... 37 times.

MadMeer said... You know what would be good? If you would stop being on holiday, that is what would be good. Okay okay. I'll ask your damn question, but I won't like it! What should I be when I grow up? Oh, and now that I am unpacked, I have something for you. Can you send me your address? I promise it will not be anything stored in a Christmas tin.
Bring it on! As for what you should be when you grow up, how about a pastry chef? In my own kitchen?

miss kendra said... when will my lawyer get the insurance company to give me my damn money so I can move on with my life?
Yesterday. No, the day before.

Will I be as cool as you someday?
Honey, your level of coolness is my goal.

FRITZ said... What does your favorite bra look like?
I prefer to support my breasts with one of these.

Lee Ann said... How long are you going to be gone?
This time, only a week. Someday, I will be gone forever.

FU said... what's green and smells like pork?............Kermit’s finger.ok.. Not really a question. coz I gave the answer.ok here's a question: do you get dizzy from constantly spinning?
That is a great joke. It gives me a visual that is unmatched in its ability to promote dry heaves. As for spinning, I don’t actually spin on the Z axis (as BOBI once imagined). Instead, I spin a long and winding tale.


Bill said... Where the hell are you holidaying? The moon? Get your ass back here!
I brought you some green cheese and an American flag that I found.

Ricardo Montalbán said... Why have you forsaken me?
Tattoo was my first love, you know.

Freiya said... Hmmmm, a question.......what sky type event (like eclipses, northern lights, pretty atmospheric stuff) do you want to see most? oh and a more general one, what one item you have would you save if you could only save one thing?
I would love to see the green flash. And if I could save just one thing, it would be my leather box full of photos.


jiggs said... you're back!!!
Barely!


Kat said... I concur with Bill. It’s very hard to stalk someone when you don't know where they are.the wv gods need me to round up the pigs now: runhogz
Soooo-eeeeeee!
I have so many restraining orders against people from blogland; one more won’t make a difference.

aughra said... The first election you ever voted in, and what about it that made you passionate about politics. This is assuming that you are passionate about politics. But, why did you choose that election as your first, and for whom did you vote?
The very first election I voted in was in second grade when we had to vote for the class hall monitor for the month of October. I chose Amy Campbell, because I liked her red hair; it made her seem feisty and strong. Later that year she untied my wrap-around skirt and it fell down in front of the whole cafeteria, and I regretted my choice. Fuck you, Amy Campbell! As for political elections, I think the next one will matter most of all.


DaMasta said... I missed you, too! So glad you're back.
There’s no place like home. (repeat 3x)