Spinning Girl's Confessional
- Whenever I use Miss Crazybritches' chair at work, I intentionally leave the seat at its lowest point just to bug her.
- When people accidentally call my house instead of the Chinese restaurant (the numbers differ by one digit), I sometimes take their order.
- Sometimes, my first words in the morning are oh, sh**
- I stay in the shower extra long just to listen to the tinny tunes of my cheap WalMart radio.
- I am afraid of going blind. Yet, I always wished I could read Braille.
- And I learned sign language so I'd be ready when I went deaf.
- I wish I had room for a piano in my house.
- I have had vividly detailed fantasies involving at least 3 people who read my blog. Male and female.
- Once, on a 4-hour drive, I memorized the words to "Ice, Ice, Baby".
- I put on my pajama pants & tank top the instant I get home; on weekends & in the summer, I sometimes stay in them all day.
- I secretly sort of like the smell of B.O.
- When people talk to me at work, I am often secretly thinking "shut the f*** up!" or "who the f*** cares?!?" (not to you of course, my loyal work-pal readers! whew)
- I am fascinated by Cher.
- I often yell the "c" word (in my car) at stupid women drivers
- Once, when a guest was in my bathroom, I had to pee so badly I went in this PEZ mug. Which I still use.
- I have over 400 PEZ dispensers; yet I hate PEZ candy. Except peppermint.
- When I was 7, I pulled all the legs off a Daddy Long Legs and then put the remaining torso on the hot hood of my dad's Pinto and watched his 2 little jaws flailing.
- I am afraid that I will reincarnate as a Daddy Long Legs.
- I have secretly flipped off a sixth grader behind my desk. It felt great.
- Tonight for dinner I had a dish of hummus and a Diet Coke, in front of my computer screen.
- I once drank a screwdriver for breakfast. On a Tuesday morning. Before work.
- I once wrote "you parked too close" on a car window in Sharpie.
- I once had a crush on the owner of a BBQ restaurant so I sent him a napkin that said "Roses are red, honey is sweet; I don't keep coming here just for the meat!" and my phone number. He never called; I can't imagine why.
- Sometimes I wake up in the night and I am really afraid that I will die a childless old maid.
- I have given the finger to a school bus driver and a 5-year-old on a bike with training wheels.
- I have never intentionally stolen anything, but I did tell a really big lie once.
Oh, I feel so much better. That'll be $75.
And a disclaimer I learned from Kris:
Only one of these confessions isn't the truth.