October 07, 2005

Poison Quill I: Spinning Girl Wants Her $3 Rebate!

This is the first letter in a series I am calling Poison Quill. It's a series of angry letters I have written in my one-woman battle against Big-Ass Corporate. As the evidence will show, the rewards reaped are enormous.
May 17, 2005

Dear [Compassionate Representative of office supply behemoth henceforth known as "Rubberbands"]:

I don't ordinarily write letters of complaint (that's a lie), but I must bring to your attention a situation which, while of small monetary concern, represents to me rather a large matter of principle.

Twice now I have received a postcard from the Rubberbands Rebate Department stating that I am not eligible for a rebate that I requested because I did not include the original UPC barcode from the package.

I'm writing to let you know that on both of these occasions I most certainly DID include the barcode, as I always do in my careful way when submitting such things, and I distinctly remember trying to keep them intact as I opened the pen packages. I don't send away for rebates very often, and the process is so involved that I have a very clear memory of doing it.

I suspect that something is fishy in the Rubberbands Rebate Department. Either someone is carelessly opening the mail and losing the UPC barcodes, or losing track of which barcode belonged to which envelope. Or possibly the practice of sending customers these little postcards is common, and less expensive to the corporation than paying each customer the $2 or $3 they painstakingly jumped through all of your hoops to get?

I am not happy about this.

I have single-handedly spent hundreds of dollars a year in your stores, and this little postcard is just an insult to my intelligence. It's easy to send an emotionless little card with the assumption that most people don’t remember what they did 8 weeks ago. Well, most of us do. People who take the time to fill out all the little forms for these rebates most certainly make sure that they have followed all of the procedures. I wasn't counting on your little $3 to put food on my table this month, but it did make me a little happier about buying your pens.

Thank you for listening.

Spinning Girl
  • This is an actual letter sent to "Customer Service" at Rubberbands, Inc. I never heard from them. I never got my big fat rebate check. Staples-and-rubber-band-pimping bastards! We were forced to eat ramen for a month. I now shop at Office Max. Yay, Office Max!!! Everybody go shop at Office Max!!!


babyjewels said...

Effin' Staples! I'll boycott too. you rock, per usual.

happyandblue2 said...

Ha,ha,ha..Stick it to the man..

Lee Ann said...

I don't blame you, that same thing has happened to me. I think sometimes they intentionally tell you that you are not eligible just to see if you will push the issue. If you don't that just saves them $. It's not always about the amount, for me, it is the principle of it.

mr_g said...

I shop at Office Depot. I may go to hell for it, but it's got "pot" in the name, so it must be good.

Sleep Goblin said...

It makes me happy that you did something about it instead of just taking it. Even if it doesn't help that much, you won in a small way.

Danius Maximus said...

i would but staples is closer

B.O.B.I. said...

Yeah, I'm not even sure where an Office Max is. Plus I don't buy rubber bands. Or pens. Or paper. Or office furniture. Or office anything. But because I feel and care for you so much, I will stop at the next Office Max and drop a monetary bomb on them.

How's that sound?

Juliabohemian said...

My mom used to -probably still does- write letters of both complaint and praise to every company known to man. She did this to get free products and coupons. I don't think she has paid for groceries in the last 5 years.

LBseahag said...

The nerve of them...

I am gonna stick to paperclips..

Lulu said...

I love writing caustic letters. Much better than a phone message. Way to go.