My friend's two-year-old had a really scary-looking doll with big blue eyes. At some point, she decided the doll was a boy so she took off its dress and called it Michael. I never wanted to hold it. It would stare at me with its unblinking eyes and its painted-on, sinister smile. I told my friend it reminded me of Children of the Corn.
- One day, I was visiting and I heard the little girl call the doll Michael Corn. I had only said the Children of the Corn thing once, but she must have heard me. The name stuck for a year, until M.C. got spirited away one night by my friend, who couldn't stand to look at him for another day.
- Other dolls that scare me: Chucky, clowns (especially the ones that bounce back up after you hit them), the potato head couple and all their evil brood, white dolls turned Black or Hispanic (hell, Asian too---or Pacific Islander), anatomically correct female dolls (with delicate little folds of plastic labia), uncircumcised boy dolls, dolls that cry, politically correct Barbie (like Barbie, but with fallen arches, tiny tits, & cellulite. I think it's called "Happy to be Me" or some up-with-people shit like that), dolls that urinate, dolls that defecate, dolls that spit up, dolls who have fluid coming out from an opening between their legs every four weeks or so (always throw the pad in the nearest garbage bin -- never in the toilet!), Baby Alive, Dressy Bessy, Dapper Dan, teddy bears dressed as other animals, realistic-looking piggy banks (not a doll, but like a doll, yes?), Teddy Ruxpin, dolls with pullstrings or knobs in their backs, dolls with hair or skin that changes color, dolls whose hair "grows", dolls without bodies (that Barbie make-up & hairdo torso), dolls with painted-on clothing, dolls with too many teeth, dolls with freckles, dolls whose eyes move side to side (open & closed is OK), dolls that are obese, Dolls that are scrawny, Down's Syndrome dolls, dolls that unexpectedly speak (also Furbees and ET), dolls that try to saw through your Achilles tendon with a scalpel, dolls that come to life and chase you around the apartment with a knife, dolls with zippers or cubbies for storing your stuff in their body cavities, identical twin dolls (which I guess is all dolls, since they are mass-produced) ... mass produced dolls, really old cracked porcelain dolls, and dolls with hard bodies that don't bend. Besides these specific ones, I just love dolls.