When you weren't creating fashion plates in the 1980's. you could be one by dressing like everyone else. Just like now! Only our clothes were way cooler than anything that exists now. Way! I remember when overalls were all the rage:
But you had to wear them with one strap hanging completely loose, unhooked. Otherwise you were just begging for a wedgie, like the one I got from Madeline K. She was 6 feet tall, beautiful, and the sixth grade bully. She and her posse of blonde, training-bra wearing bitches were a pack to be feared. She made the mistake of going solo on my little overalled ass when we happened to be in the same hallway one day. After I released my choke-hold on her I undid my buckle and carried on as though I had been cool all along.
Madeline is also the one who informed me that I looked "pregnant" in my denim jumper, which is why I never wore it to school again. Sorry mom, I just didn't want to face the shame of being suspected of 6th-grade coitus.
On days my overalls were in the wash, I wore my parachute pants. Only the sexiest among us could pull that look off.
Parachute pants went really well with a Flock Of Seagulls haircut, if your mom would let you get one and not be such a SPAZ about everything!
Then there was the wrap-around skirt. Unlike its cousin the skort, the wrap-around skirt has nothing underneath it to conceal your mushroom-patterned underwear when you-know-who unties it in the cafeteria, to fall at the perfect moment. Fuck you, Amy Campbell! Fuck you and your nimble, third-grade fingers!
Last but certainly not least, the perfect accessory: the Bermuda Bag with interchangeable, reversible covers. I had so many covers (handmade by my mom) that I didn't know what to do with myself! My favorite cover had pink corduroy on one side, pink plaid twill on the other. And four button holes on each side, of course! You had to have 4 buttons or you were just a wanna-be.
Sometimes at school I tell someone that they are "such a fashion plate" (when they get a new, cool outfit) and they look at me like I just said, "oooh, nice Model T!" These kids don't know what they missed. Nothing was as tubular as fashion in the 80's. Totally tubular.