Zombie Kickball

It's been a while since I've seen my little pal Monkey and known what he's been up to. Luckily, his friend Calzone periodically sends porn and Velveeta to my spankmate Jamwall, so I get to see stuff like this (click the image to jump to YouTube) :


Damn, it's good to see you, baby. Your fur looks amazing. One day, we shall meet again, and my hand will take its familiar place in your giant, gaping hoo-hah.

Unconscious Mutterings 283

Loneliness ::
Traffic ::
Chaos ::
Burp ::
500 ::
Movie ::
Coma ::
Bark ::
Stare ::
Angelina ::

Meme Summer 2008: Material Possessions

Your turn to answer!

If you were only allowed to have 5 material possessions, what would they be? (excluding food, water, shelter)

LOL

Sporcle

Thanks, Jiggs. Thanks a freaking lot!

SPORCLE

Oh -- I got 78 of the Elements on the Periodic Table.

I love, yet hate myself.

Also, I sounded like an asshole

singing the song over & over

doing this one.

Meme Summer 2008: Mosaic

I completely swiped this from Scarlet Hip. Thanks, girlfriend!

The concept:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab's Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:
1. What is your first name? (L)
2. What is your favorite food? right now? (cheese)
3. What high school did you go to? (NHS)
4. What is your favorite color? (green)
5. Who is your celebrity crush? (Johnny Depp)
6. What is your favorite drink? (coffee)
7. What is your dream vacation? (Italy)
8. What is your favorite dessert? (ice cream)
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? (a teacher)
10. What do you love most in life? (my sisters)
11. What is one word that describes you? (vivacious)
12. What is your flickr name? (Spinnerina!)


1. L in Regent's Park, 2. A platter full of cheese!, 3. N High School, 4. Green Womble House, 5. +[ Johnny Depp: drop dead gorgeous ]+, 6. I love coffee, especially Monday morning..., 7. Ravello , Italy, 8. Chocolate Ice Cream, 9. Still Life For Teacher, 10. three sisters, 11. Dandelion Restaurant Ceiling, 12. Young Girl Spinning wishymom

Unconscious Mutterings 282

Goodbye ::
Cage ::
Buddy ::
Magic words ::
Library ::
Fall in love ::
Tense ::
Work! ::
Empty ::
Heat wave ::

What you're missing:

bad, bad things

are happening

at TBDOA.

Click the image

to see!

Meme Summer 2008: Soul Suckers

25 Things that are Bad for the Soul
(this meme was inspired by Daydreaming on Paper)

1. screaming
2. anger
3. resentment
4. alcohol abuse
5. bitterness
6. envy
7. greed
8. anything Goth
9. horror movies
10. angry song lyrics
11. back-stabbing
12. little white lies
13. big black lies
14. fear
15. loneliness
16. terror
17. lack of trust
18. self-loathing
19. vandalism
20. thievery
21. denial of the truth
22. ignorance
23. arrogance
24. entitlement
25. gossip

Wow, that was frighteningly easy.

Market Moments

The way the fermenting melons in the entryway filled that slick dark space with their fecund ambrosia.

and then

The way the tiny woman's cowlick and dark blond shine so perfectly matched that of the little boy in her carriage.

and then

The impenetrable El Capitán of cloud and electricity that loomed over the obliviously sunlit asphalt.

Yes.

It was a good day, after all.

Meme Summer 2008: Textures

I've decided that in order to keep my writing mind lubricated, I need to write just about every day. I have to force myself away from the endless picking up of clutter and mulching and dusting that seems to fill my days, and tickle the creative muse. I don't care if I need to rely on a prompt on a meme to help me to do so; hence, I have turned to resources such as Daydreaming on Paper to help me. Now then ... welcome to Meme Summer 2008! This festival will last the entire summer, or else as long as I feel like it.

10 Textures I Enjoy Touching

1. bowls of small, round objects


2. lotion applied to wet skin


3. eggplant and banana skins


4. hot, sun-baked concrete or Spanish tile


5. aloe leaf (and other succulents)


6. cat fur (while still on the cat ... rolling around under the couch, not so much)


7. bird feathers (while still on the bird)


8. beaded fabric


9. tree trunk


10. just-mowed lawn (touched with feet)

WTF?!?: Blue

I felt like a repost, so ...

100 Things


1. My first language was Estonian. I still speak, read & write it. All the time!
2. I didn't really speak English until I went to kindergarten,
3. where I learned the word "soon" and thought it meant one o'clock.
4. I thought this until I waas 11 years old.
5. Because it rhymes with "soon", you see?
6. My twin sister Twirling Girl has always, always been there.
7. I don’t know what I would do without her.
8. My baby sister Tuuna Taco is my other best friend.
9. My parents are some of the best people I know,
10. And I don't tell them enough, so I am telling them now.
11. Since they read my blog.
12. Which sort of censors me, but that is probably a good thing.
13. I can be gross at your blogs, right?
14. I worry that if I ever meet any of you, you will discover that I am not really as pretty as the persona I have created
15. although I have begun to think of myself as "Spinning Girl" and would probably answer to it if someone called to me.
16. Sometimes I get terribly lonely.
17. Often, I love being alone & doing what I want, when I want.
18. I need to tune my piano so that I can play it.
19. I need to clean my chimney so that I can make bigger fires without fearing that I am going to start a chimney fire.
20. Some pieces of music are so beautiful to me that I cannot contain the emotion I feel when I hear them, and I just cry.
21. I can’t stand most of the music I hear on the radio.
22. There are some exceptions.
23. I have an almost unholy obsession with Yellow Ledbetter and every time I hear those first few hesitant guitar notes, I smile with glee.
24. I had a small alcohol problem once.
25. By small, I mean that it had a short life. Maybe two years of really drinking in a way I felt was out of control.
26. Plus 15 years of wondering if maybe I drank a little too much?
27. I gave up the booze on August 6, 2003.
28. In March of 2004 I drank 3 bottles of wine by myself and scared myself so much that I never want to drink again.
29. In July of 2006 I accidentally took a giant swig of my cousin’s vodka tonic, but only because our cups were identical and it really was by accident.
30. If I drink on purpose, I am afraid I will not stop, ever.
31. I still get mad that something so fun could turn into something so bad, but I’m OK with it and I don’t miss it. It just pisses me off that alcohol was such a mean trickster bastard.
32. I become smitten very easily.
33. Recently I was smitten with someone in my grad class.
34. But he never called when he said he would, so I had my answer.
35. That’s too bad, because I still find him really attractive even though I don’t talk to him much.
36. I am also completely infatuated with Jamwall, even though we have never met, because he gets me and we feed off each other’s sick humor in a truly exhilarating way.
37. Right now, I am imagining Jamwall naked.
38. Are you?
39. Someday, I hope to spend a weekend with him, romping through a condiment village that we have built together.
40. Sometimes I am perfectly happy with my life the way it has gone thus far.
41. But I am always ready for the next big, good thing.
42. I would like to be a mom, though not necessarily give birth.
43. Maybe I just need a pony!
44. Or a dog, a non-pooping dog.
45. Having to pick up shit is the one major thing keeping me from getting a dog.
46. Sharing my living space with a box of urine and shit and giant hair balls is what is keeping me from getting a cat.
47. I had the most amazing cat once, and he will never be equaled.
48. I fear the spider, but only once it has reached a certain size.
49. Spiders of Acceptable Size (SAS) are allowed to live freely in my home.
50. Spiders of Unacceptable Size – SUS-- are thrown outside, not killed, unless they are huge or move very fast.
51. I would probably go crazy if I woke up and discovered an SUS clinging to the tip of my nose with all 8 of its legs.
52. I can honestly say that I love my job.
53. It is like a dream. A job cannot be this perfect, can it?!?!?
54. I sometimes fear becoming debilitated and unable to teach anymore; what would I do then?!?!?
55. I don’t spend much time fearing the future though.
56. Most of my fears are fleeting thoughts, lucky me.
57. Maybe I am stupidly optimistic. That is fine with me.
58. I take life’s little luxuries very seriously.
59. My bed.
60. My coffee.
61. That’s a short list, but those are the two biggies.
62. When I was a child, my favorite place to visit was my grandparents’ house in upstate New York.
63. Sometimes we had to weed the garden, and we had to finish before we could swim.
64. This taught me self-discipline and delayed gratification.
65. I used to pretend I was a poor little slave girl, weeding my little row of carrots in the blazing hot sun.
66. Nothing equals the bliss of a cold swim after you have been sweating in the blazing hot sun.
67. There was (is) a spring-fed pond on my grandparents’ back property.
68. It is stocked with fish that were caught elsewhere & put there by my family.
69. They have lived & multiplied there for 50 years.
70. I used to catch grasshoppers in the meadow and then feed them to the fish.
71. I used to be very good at catching grasshoppers; the most I ever caught was 72.
72. Grasshoppers!!!
73. I fear that one day a swarm of locusts will land on me, as payback.
74. This fear, however, is fleeting.
75. When my family sells my grandparents’ house, I don’t think I will be as sad as I was over the past 10 years, watching it decline from what it once was.
76. Nothing gold can stay.
77. I hope that my parents’ home becomes that way for their grandchildren ... a really special place where you can always go and be happy.
78. I believe it is really important to listen to children and not try to spank too much of their personalities out of them.
79. Like the boy who made the grappling hook; it made me really happy to see that.
80. I can think of 5 teachers off the top of my head who would have said, “put that stupid toy away.”
81. Of course, I teach science, and can justify “allowing” a homemade grappling hook in my classroom.
82. It scares me how little science some people know.
83. I’m a little bit obsessed with Carl Sagan, and rightly so.
84. Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors is one of my favorite books of all time.
85. I should read it again soon. I tend to reread books I love several times.
86. I have read Lord of the Rings at least 22 times from start to finish, plus countless times of reading just certain parts.
87. For me, rereading a good book is like visiting a place that I love.
88. When I want to escape for a while, I go to Middle Earth.
89. I’m OK with being a total geek.
90. I have amazing tits, so I can get away with it.
91. Are you imagining my tits right now?
92. Go ahead, then. I am OK with being objectified by you.
93. Shit, I forgot about my parents reading this.
94. Sorry mom and dad, sometimes I say dirty things to be funny.
95. Dirty and funny is one of my favorite combinations.
96. Wow, 100 is a lot.
97. I might have dyslexia because I often reverse “tomorrow” and “yesterday” in my speech, regardless of what language I am speaking. I think those two concepts got stored incorrectly in my Wernicke.
98. I am a huge procrastinator, and I did this instead of grading papers.
99. I always feel better after a good day of procrastinating.
100. I’ll feel even better later when I get that shit done. Thank you for reading!

Summer Bliss

There's something so sweet and simple about sitting in my PJ's on a summer morning, windows thrown wide, drinking coffee when I should be at work, or doing something. But school ended yesterday, and there's perhaps no more favorite day than this one, the first day of a long summer stretched out before me. And I have such long tales to tell, but it's too much work to put them all into words, and how do I anyway find the words to tell the rapture of singing at Carnegie Hall, the horror of a young life stolen, or the butterflyish anticipation of spending the rest of my life with Jamwall? So I'll just drink my cup of coffee and listen to the hawk screaming outside and look at my pretty petunias and bask, and return to the page when I am able.

Unconscious Mutterings 280

Rambling ::
Magnetic ::
Again! ::
Acoustic ::
Mahogany ::
Promises ::
Ill fitting ::
Sublime ::
Poop ::
Disoriented ::

WTF: Orange

In honor of my battle with corporate behemoth/jerks Home Depot, here is a WTF all in orange! Enjoy:

The Return of the Poison Quill: Eat Sawdust, Home Depot!!!

June 3, 2008

Home Depot, Inc.
2455 Paces Ferry Road NW
Atlanta, GA 30339-4024

Dear Compassionate Representative of Home Depot, Incorporated:

I am writing to you about an incident that occurred on March 31, 2008. It took me this long to write to you because I hunted your entire website for an address to which I could write instead of filling out an online customer service form. When I wrote to customer service to request an address, they said they needed more information about why I was writing. Why do you make it so difficult to find a postal address? Sometimes a concern is not fit for handling by an outsourced trainee in India. I want you, the heart of this corporation, to hear me.

On March 31, my fiancée Jamwall visited his nearby Home Depot to return a food disposal unit that he had purchased the day before. He had meant it as a replacement for his existing unit, which he discovered just had a small electrical issue that was easily remedied, so he headed to the store with receipt in hand. When he entered the store and did not immediately spot the tucked-away Returns Desk, he headed for the Customer Service Counter. He was redirected to Returns, which was hidden near the door. When he got there and attempted to make the return, the clerk immediately began to verbally accost him by saying “where did you just come from?” and “That door? That one right there? You are saying you came right in through that door.” Jamwall repeatedly asserted that he had just entered through that very door behind him, but was subjected to the same abrupt and rude questioning several times before the manager finally arrived and asked him the same question again, and then disappeared to view the security tape. Once it was ascertained that he had indeed just entered through that door, the clerk mumbled a “sorry about that” and completed the return.

Now, I understand that Home Depot is subject to various types of theft, including customers trying to make a “return” with an item plucked from your shelves. This is not a problem for us, and we understand the need to double-check and even go so far as viewing a security tape. What appalls and angers us is the rudeness and the the lack of respect in our treatment. Every customer who chooses your store over the broad array of competitors, including the nearby Lowe’s or Menard’s (with whom we have never had a run-in with customer service) expects to be treated with dignity and respect, and to make a purchase or exchange without being harassed and embarrassed.

All your clerk and/or manager needed to do was to say, “We are very sorry, sir, but it is our policy to double-check the security tape for returns and exchanges. It’ll just be a moment, and we apologize for your inconvenience,” No problem! Instead, we get a clerk who half-mumbles a sorry. At least he did that! The manager didn’t even have the vision to realize that his treatment of Jamwall was abrupt and unfriendly. Since this incident, Jamwall has not returned to your store (neither have any of our family or friends), taking our business instead to Hardware Hank and just about any other option.

Are you such a corporate behemoth that you have lost sight of the individuals who support you every day by pouring their incomes into home repair? You spend millions or billions of dollars a year on advertising and the appearance of your stores. How is it, then, that you manage to hire front-line employees who are untrained in how to relate to customers?

Each transaction is a one-on-one, face-to-face encounter with the spirit of your company; and this encounter leaves us with the very simple impression that “Home Depot are jerks.” Plain and simple. No amount of fancy orange bannery and zippy commercials is going to change the impression that one clerk and one manager had on this family.

Thank you for your time,
Spinning Girl

--------------------------------------------------------------

p.s. to the readership: Jamwall doesn't know he is my fiancée yet, so don't tell him. I just thought that the letter would have more impact than just saying "my sometimes boyfriend" or "my distant phone-sex companion"

Unconscious Mutterings 279

Gossipping ::
Misplaced ::
Spaceship ::
Ignore ::
Bodily ::
Tweezers ::
Goodnight ::
Curls ::
Faucet ::
Right? ::

Meditation on a cup of perfect coffee

A long time ago I used to do a series of posts called Meditations; they were just free-roaming streams-of-consciousness things, but I did enjoy them. I have gotten so far from everyday writing; I think that using a daily writing tool will help me to re-lubricate the muscle and get back into a place where the ideas flow regularly. Like many blocked writers, I am haunted by the idea that there's nothing to write about. But we know that's not true, don't we?

Jamwall taught me how to make the perfect cup of coffee. He is so good at so many things. He is my hero. Anyhow, the coffee: It's easy; you just have to grind the beans right before brewing. He also has some sort of formula, which he was trying to tell me as I was putting on my makeup and he was using my computer to surf the internets ... it was all 24s and sixes and something about a scoop, but I stopped listening because I don't like measuring.

There is this ice cream truck that drives around the neighborhood playing its little ding-a-ling tunes, and today I swear it was playing Man of La Mancha. Who wants to eat ice cream when poor Don Quixote was so painfully thin?!?!? We should be buying him a cone!

I've discovered that the way to keep from mindlessly snacking in the evenings is to stay away from the TV and instead get involved in a project; so tonight I assembled this humongous steel shelving in my garage and organized all my garage crap onto it. I felt really productive and proud, instead of sleepy and lethargic, for a change. With summer coming I am kicking the motivated project-doing SG into high gear. I just realized that winter doldrums should be over, as it is indeed June.

At the old-fashioned theater where I went to hear Dar Williams on Friday, there is an insufficient railing on the balcony. As I stood next to it I had the temptation to throw myself over it. Well, not the temptation so much, as the scary thought of what if? ...I were to just do that? I scare myself like that sometimes. It's not the first time.

I miss Monkey and the days when all of us met in Monkeyland and frolicked together, semi-nudely. Ahhh, alas ... nothing gold can stay. And nothing furry can stay. Which reminds me; I need to shave my legs.

There are these dry-erase markers at work that have gone bad; I think they have started to ferment. So I take a whiff, and I say, Ew! These reek! Then I sniff again, make a face, and sniff again. What is wrong with me?!?!?

That's about all I can do today. I'll see you folks again soon. Tomorrow, if I can keep a promise to myself.

What's new in TBDOA

Hold me.

Teddy Bears Dressed

as

Other Animals