Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. This vajayjay is not a toy.
December 21, 2012
December 17, 2012
December 16, 2012
August 21, 2012
Nostalgika VIII: Stirrings of Prepubescent Desire [repost]
I was so in love with Martin S-C when I was in elementary school. I have mentioned this here before, in my Black Book post and in one of my Meditations. He played the lead in The Mikado, so as far as I was concerned, he was a superstar.Looking back on the way I felt about him, I see patterns that still exist in my adult life. His effeminate fragility attracted me, as did his delicate bone structure. I find that I am attracted to either really ridiculously manly men, or else men who are really in touch with their womanly side. Martin didn't play rough like other boys. Martin played the viola and read big, fat books.
I pined. I pined, while he was ignorant of my existence. I fantasized that I would be hospitalized and he would sit at my bedside and hold my hand (I also fantasized that I had a dollhouse filled with real, tiny, Borrower-sized people. I would pick up the boy, pull down his pants, and insert a safety pin into the little hole at the tip of his penis. I knew that, despite the pleasant tugging sensation these thoughts gave me behind my navel, I should not tell anyone ... because they were very bad thoughts. This fantasy may have more bearing on the current state of my love life than my love for MSC, come to think of it). I still find any relationship in which I am not in a state of desperate angst to be emotionally unsatisfying. Also, he had a British accent. I like accents, as long as they aren't Russian (sorry, Boris). Since puberty, the ear of my desire has become more attuned to words being whispered and shouted in Spanish; but in 3rd grade, Love spoke British.
The other day, I found two newspaper clippings from the Martin days. See? I was a stalker even then. What a gold mine! Here they are:
I'm fairly certain that, despite our shared fame, Martin S-C still does not know who I am. Or ... maybe ... he has just blocked me out, because the heartache of our unrequited love is too painful to bear! I am pretty sure that's how it is. Not that he never looked my way, with all my funny voices and my straight-armed, short-panted gait. And the fact that I told him that David Cassidy was my brother. And that I was half-Chinese (because I thought that would be cool, as though all-Estonian wasn't good enough. I look half Chinese, don't I?) No, I am pretty sure that once he realized I was simply out of his league, he nursed his heart back to health and tried to find a way to move on. I sure wish I could.
Labels:
childhood,
estonia,
hearts I have broken,
nostalgia,
nostalgika
May 17, 2012
3 Things Meme, Spinnerina Style
This made me giggle today, so worth the repost ...
I've seen this thingy here and there, and thought it might be fun to play. It just needed a new spin on it, so I made up new categories.
3 Things I Often Say Aloud
- Time to sample for Quality!
- Hey, lover.
- What's goin' on?
- Shut up you stupid, stupid cow.
- I could kill you with my bare hands.
- Nice fupa.
- A dress I fit into in 1995 that I hope to fit into again one day. Then I'll throw it out.
- The half and half ... it's making some sort of strange grainy things in my coffee.
- My entire collection of jeans, and start over.
- Eaten by cougar or bear
- Fire / house invasion (tie)
- Drowning / sharks (tie)
- Caraway seeds
- Black licorice
- Chalky liquid medicines, a la Pepto
3 Positions I Can't Get Into
3 Articles of Clothing That I Won't Wear
- Mock turtleneck
- Corduroy pants
- Spike Heels
- I make people laugh
- I am kind to people who are flustered in the grocery store line
- I sing
May 12, 2012
April 04, 2012
Spiders. Dislike.
You know you're an arachnophobe when ...
Getting into the shower, you move the shower curtain, and that little round black magnet in the corner of the curtain moving against the white of the tub FREAKS YOU OUT.
Getting into the shower, you move the shower curtain, and that little round black magnet in the corner of the curtain moving against the white of the tub FREAKS YOU OUT.
April 03, 2012
Repost: 100 things. I love reposting this because of #36-37, because I married him.
1. My first language was Estonian. I still speak, read & write it. All the time!
2. I didn't really speak English until I went to kindergarten,
3. where I learned the word "soon" and thought it meant one o'clock.
4. I thought this until I waas 11 years old.
5. Because it rhymes with "noon", you see?
6. My twin sister Twirling Girl has always, always been there.
7. I don’t know what I would do without her.
8. My baby sister Tuuna Taco is my other best friend.
9. My parents are some of the best people I know,
10. And I don't tell them enough, so I am telling them now.
11. Since they read my blog.
12. Which sort of censors me, but that is probably a good thing.
13. I can be gross at your blogs, right?
14. I worry that if I ever meet any of you, you will discover that I am not really as pretty as the persona I have created
15. although I have begun to think of myself as "Spinning Girl" and would probably answer to it if someone called to me.
16. Sometimes I get terribly lonely.
17. Often, I love being alone & doing what I want, when I want.
18. I need to tune my piano so that I can play it.
19. I need to clean my chimney so that I can make bigger fires without fearing that I am going to start a chimney fire.
20. Some pieces of music are so beautiful to me that I cannot contain the emotion I feel when I hear them, and I just cry.
21. I can’t stand most of the music I hear on the radio.
22. There are some exceptions.
23. I have an almost unholy obsession with Yellow Ledbetter and every time I hear those first few hesitant guitar notes, I smile with glee.
24. I had a small alcohol problem once.
25. By small, I mean that it had a short life. Maybe two years of really drinking in a way I felt was out of control.
26. Plus 15 years of wondering if maybe I drank a little too much?
27. I gave up the booze on August 6, 2003.
28. In March of 2004 I drank 3 bottles of wine by myself and scared myself so much that I never want to drink again.
29. In July of 2006 I accidentally took a giant swig of my cousin’s vodka tonic, but only because our cups were identical and it really was by accident.
30. If I drink on purpose, I am afraid I will not stop, ever.
31. I still get mad that something so fun could turn into something so bad, but I’m OK with it and I don’t miss it. It just pisses me off that alcohol was such a mean trickster bastard.
32. I become smitten very easily.
33. Recently I was smitten with someone in my grad class.
34. But he never called when he said he would, so I had my answer.
35. That’s too bad, because I still find him really attractive even though I don’t talk to him much.
36. I am also completely infatuated with Jamwall, even though we have never met, because he gets me and we feed off each other’s sick humor in a truly exhilarating way.
37. Right now, I am imagining Jamwall naked.
38. Are you?
39. Someday, I hope to spend a weekend with him, romping through a condiment village that we have built together.
40. Sometimes I am perfectly happy with my life the way it has gone thus far.
41. But I am always ready for the next big, good thing.
42. I would like to be a mom, though not necessarily give birth.
43. Maybe I just need a pony!
44. Or a dog, a non-pooping dog.
45. Having to pick up shit is the one major thing keeping me from getting a dog.
46. Sharing my living space with a box of urine and shit and giant hair balls is what is keeping me from getting a cat.
47. I had the most amazing cat once, and he will never be equaled.
48. I fear the spider, but only once it has reached a certain size.
49. Spiders of Acceptable Size (SAS) are allowed to live freely in my home.
50. Spiders of Unacceptable Size – SUS-- are thrown outside, not killed, unless they are huge or move very fast.
51. I would probably go crazy if I woke up and discovered an SUS clinging to the tip of my nose with all 8 of its legs.
52. I can honestly say that I love my job.
53. It is like a dream. A job cannot be this perfect, can it?!?!?
54. I sometimes fear becoming debilitated and unable to teach anymore; what would I do then?!?!?
55. I don’t spend much time fearing the future though.
56. Most of my fears are fleeting thoughts, lucky me.
57. Maybe I am stupidly optimistic. That is fine with me.
58. I take life’s little luxuries very seriously.
59. My bed.
60. My coffee.
61. That’s a short list, but those are the two biggies.
62. When I was a child, my favorite place to visit was my grandparents’ house in upstate New York.
63. Sometimes we had to weed the garden, and we had to finish before we could swim.
64. This taught me self-discipline and delayed gratification.
65. I used to pretend I was a poor little slave girl, weeding my little row of carrots in the blazing hot sun.
66. Nothing equals the bliss of a cold swim after you have been sweating in the blazing hot sun.
67. There was (is) a spring-fed pond on my grandparents’ back property.
68. It is stocked with fish that were caught elsewhere & put there by my family.
69. They have lived & multiplied there for 50 years.
70. I used to catch grasshoppers in the meadow and then feed them to the fish.
71. I used to be very good at catching grasshoppers; the most I ever caught was 72.
72. Grasshoppers!!!
73. I fear that one day a swarm of locusts will land on me, as payback.
74. This fear, however, is fleeting.
75. When my family sells my grandparents’ house, I don’t think I will be as sad as I was over the past 10 years, watching it decline from what it once was.
76. Nothing gold can stay.
77. I hope that my parents’ home becomes that way for their grandchildren ... a really special place where you can always go and be happy.
78. I believe it is really important to listen to children and not try to spank too much of their personalities out of them.
79. Like the boy who made the grappling hook; it made me really happy to see that.
80. I can think of 5 teachers off the top of my head who would have said, “put that stupid toy away.”
81. Of course, I teach science, and can justify “allowing” a homemade grappling hook in my classroom.
82. It scares me how little science some people know.
83. I’m a little bit obsessed with Carl Sagan, and rightly so.
84. Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors is one of my favorite books of all time.
85. I should read it again soon. I tend to reread books I love several times.
86. I have read Lord of the Rings at least 22 times from start to finish, plus countless times of reading just certain parts.
87. For me, rereading a good book is like visiting a place that I love.
88. When I want to escape for a while, I go to Middle Earth.
89. I’m OK with being a total geek.
90. I have amazing tits, so I can get away with it.
91. Are you imagining my tits right now?
92. Go ahead, then. I am OK with being objectified by you.
93. Shit, I forgot about my parents reading this.
94. Sorry mom and dad, sometimes I say dirty things to be funny.
95. Dirty and funny is one of my favorite combinations.
96. Wow, 100 is a lot.
97. I might have dyslexia because I often reverse “tomorrow” and “yesterday” in my speech, regardless of what language I am speaking. I think those two concepts got stored incorrectly in my Wernicke.
98. I am a huge procrastinator, and I did this instead of grading papers.
99. I always feel better after a good day of procrastinating.
100. I’ll feel even better later when I get that shit done. Thank you for reading!
2. I didn't really speak English until I went to kindergarten,
3. where I learned the word "soon" and thought it meant one o'clock.
4. I thought this until I waas 11 years old.
5. Because it rhymes with "noon", you see?
6. My twin sister Twirling Girl has always, always been there.
7. I don’t know what I would do without her.
8. My baby sister Tuuna Taco is my other best friend.
9. My parents are some of the best people I know,
10. And I don't tell them enough, so I am telling them now.
11. Since they read my blog.
12. Which sort of censors me, but that is probably a good thing.
13. I can be gross at your blogs, right?
14. I worry that if I ever meet any of you, you will discover that I am not really as pretty as the persona I have created
15. although I have begun to think of myself as "Spinning Girl" and would probably answer to it if someone called to me.
16. Sometimes I get terribly lonely.
17. Often, I love being alone & doing what I want, when I want.
18. I need to tune my piano so that I can play it.
19. I need to clean my chimney so that I can make bigger fires without fearing that I am going to start a chimney fire.
20. Some pieces of music are so beautiful to me that I cannot contain the emotion I feel when I hear them, and I just cry.
21. I can’t stand most of the music I hear on the radio.
22. There are some exceptions.
23. I have an almost unholy obsession with Yellow Ledbetter and every time I hear those first few hesitant guitar notes, I smile with glee.
24. I had a small alcohol problem once.
25. By small, I mean that it had a short life. Maybe two years of really drinking in a way I felt was out of control.
26. Plus 15 years of wondering if maybe I drank a little too much?
27. I gave up the booze on August 6, 2003.
28. In March of 2004 I drank 3 bottles of wine by myself and scared myself so much that I never want to drink again.
29. In July of 2006 I accidentally took a giant swig of my cousin’s vodka tonic, but only because our cups were identical and it really was by accident.
30. If I drink on purpose, I am afraid I will not stop, ever.
31. I still get mad that something so fun could turn into something so bad, but I’m OK with it and I don’t miss it. It just pisses me off that alcohol was such a mean trickster bastard.
32. I become smitten very easily.
33. Recently I was smitten with someone in my grad class.
34. But he never called when he said he would, so I had my answer.
35. That’s too bad, because I still find him really attractive even though I don’t talk to him much.
36. I am also completely infatuated with Jamwall, even though we have never met, because he gets me and we feed off each other’s sick humor in a truly exhilarating way.
37. Right now, I am imagining Jamwall naked.
38. Are you?
39. Someday, I hope to spend a weekend with him, romping through a condiment village that we have built together.
40. Sometimes I am perfectly happy with my life the way it has gone thus far.
41. But I am always ready for the next big, good thing.
42. I would like to be a mom, though not necessarily give birth.
43. Maybe I just need a pony!
44. Or a dog, a non-pooping dog.
45. Having to pick up shit is the one major thing keeping me from getting a dog.
46. Sharing my living space with a box of urine and shit and giant hair balls is what is keeping me from getting a cat.
47. I had the most amazing cat once, and he will never be equaled.
48. I fear the spider, but only once it has reached a certain size.
49. Spiders of Acceptable Size (SAS) are allowed to live freely in my home.
50. Spiders of Unacceptable Size – SUS-- are thrown outside, not killed, unless they are huge or move very fast.
51. I would probably go crazy if I woke up and discovered an SUS clinging to the tip of my nose with all 8 of its legs.
52. I can honestly say that I love my job.
53. It is like a dream. A job cannot be this perfect, can it?!?!?
54. I sometimes fear becoming debilitated and unable to teach anymore; what would I do then?!?!?
55. I don’t spend much time fearing the future though.
56. Most of my fears are fleeting thoughts, lucky me.
57. Maybe I am stupidly optimistic. That is fine with me.
58. I take life’s little luxuries very seriously.
59. My bed.
60. My coffee.
61. That’s a short list, but those are the two biggies.
62. When I was a child, my favorite place to visit was my grandparents’ house in upstate New York.
63. Sometimes we had to weed the garden, and we had to finish before we could swim.
64. This taught me self-discipline and delayed gratification.
65. I used to pretend I was a poor little slave girl, weeding my little row of carrots in the blazing hot sun.
66. Nothing equals the bliss of a cold swim after you have been sweating in the blazing hot sun.
67. There was (is) a spring-fed pond on my grandparents’ back property.
68. It is stocked with fish that were caught elsewhere & put there by my family.
69. They have lived & multiplied there for 50 years.
70. I used to catch grasshoppers in the meadow and then feed them to the fish.
71. I used to be very good at catching grasshoppers; the most I ever caught was 72.
72. Grasshoppers!!!
73. I fear that one day a swarm of locusts will land on me, as payback.
74. This fear, however, is fleeting.
75. When my family sells my grandparents’ house, I don’t think I will be as sad as I was over the past 10 years, watching it decline from what it once was.
76. Nothing gold can stay.
77. I hope that my parents’ home becomes that way for their grandchildren ... a really special place where you can always go and be happy.
78. I believe it is really important to listen to children and not try to spank too much of their personalities out of them.
79. Like the boy who made the grappling hook; it made me really happy to see that.
80. I can think of 5 teachers off the top of my head who would have said, “put that stupid toy away.”
81. Of course, I teach science, and can justify “allowing” a homemade grappling hook in my classroom.
82. It scares me how little science some people know.
83. I’m a little bit obsessed with Carl Sagan, and rightly so.
84. Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors is one of my favorite books of all time.
85. I should read it again soon. I tend to reread books I love several times.
86. I have read Lord of the Rings at least 22 times from start to finish, plus countless times of reading just certain parts.
87. For me, rereading a good book is like visiting a place that I love.
88. When I want to escape for a while, I go to Middle Earth.
89. I’m OK with being a total geek.
90. I have amazing tits, so I can get away with it.
91. Are you imagining my tits right now?
92. Go ahead, then. I am OK with being objectified by you.
93. Shit, I forgot about my parents reading this.
94. Sorry mom and dad, sometimes I say dirty things to be funny.
95. Dirty and funny is one of my favorite combinations.
96. Wow, 100 is a lot.
97. I might have dyslexia because I often reverse “tomorrow” and “yesterday” in my speech, regardless of what language I am speaking. I think those two concepts got stored incorrectly in my Wernicke.
98. I am a huge procrastinator, and I did this instead of grading papers.
99. I always feel better after a good day of procrastinating.
100. I’ll feel even better later when I get that shit done. Thank you for reading!
December 03, 2011
It's happening again!
Flaccid puddles of silk lie dormant all day, only to awaken
at dusk into gigantic, illuminated Christmas shapes.
Kill them with fiiiiiiiire!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels:
christmas is coming
August 02, 2011
July 21, 2011
Living with Jamwall is like this:
[excerpt from a conversation after watching The Kids are All Right, July 2011]
SG: Am I the bulldyke in our relationship?
J: Ummm ... what would that make me?
SG: You're the gay man.
J: umm ... ::crickets::
SG: I'm kidding! I'm just kidding, honey. Sometimes you act faggy.
J: ::crickets:: (makes a face)
SG: Fags would be offended that you are offended by that.
SG: Am I the bulldyke in our relationship?
J: Ummm ... what would that make me?
SG: You're the gay man.
J: umm ... ::crickets::
SG: I'm kidding! I'm just kidding, honey. Sometimes you act faggy.
J: ::crickets:: (makes a face)
SG: Fags would be offended that you are offended by that.
--THE END--
Disclaimer: I would like to alert my gay followers that I love everything about you and only use the word "fag" for comic relief here. I hope that I do not offend. Having dry-humped a few female cousins and fantasized about a friend's boobs, I consider within my bicurious right to reclaim these formerly offensive terms for ourselves!
Labels:
homosexuality,
jamwall
July 11, 2011
June 14, 2011
Human Zoo, revisited
Sweet, my Human Zoo days have resurfaced again, this time at cracked.com.
The interwebs are magical!!!
The interwebs are magical!!!
Labels:
human zoo
February 27, 2011
Top Ten (+) Movies that would not translate well into "ON ICE!" adaptations:
- The Crying Game
- No Country for Old Men
- 300
- Saw
- The Village
- Silence of the Lambs
- The Ring
- The Blue Lagoon
- 120 Days of Sodom
- The Shining
- The Fly
- Stephen Hawking's Universe in a Nutshell
- The Elephant Man
- Platoon
- The Exorcist
- Schindler's List
- Chariots of Fire
Thank you to my friend Stefan for this!
Labels:
top ten
February 10, 2011
Fun like this is reason #552 why I Love my Job:
Physics-related Email from Student:
Hello Ms. SG! This is probably going to sound very odd but as I was doing my homework I had a really odd question. For the sake of the question let's just say people are able to move things with their minds. Because you could move things with a force (brain) and a distance (meters and whatnot), would that technically be work if the object was moving in a plausible situation? If so, how would you measure said force?
Again I realize that this has nothing to do with the quiz tomorrow, but I was studying and I couldn't get that question out of my head. If you could reply back it would be highly appreciated. Thank you so much! ~Crissy
My reply:
Hi Crissy, great question! I know the answer, and I am going to send it to your pencil with my mind. Please lay a pencil on a sheet of paper in front of you. I will send the answer to your pencil and the pencil will write my reply onto the paper. Watch for it ... it'll go slowly, so you might not have the full reply until 2-3 AM. Make sure you watch the pencil the entire time because if you leave the room or even take your eyes off of it, the pencil will erase what it has written and start over. :) Ms SG
Hello Ms. SG! This is probably going to sound very odd but as I was doing my homework I had a really odd question. For the sake of the question let's just say people are able to move things with their minds. Because you could move things with a force (brain) and a distance (meters and whatnot), would that technically be work if the object was moving in a plausible situation? If so, how would you measure said force?
Again I realize that this has nothing to do with the quiz tomorrow, but I was studying and I couldn't get that question out of my head. If you could reply back it would be highly appreciated. Thank you so much! ~Crissy
My reply:
Hi Crissy, great question! I know the answer, and I am going to send it to your pencil with my mind. Please lay a pencil on a sheet of paper in front of you. I will send the answer to your pencil and the pencil will write my reply onto the paper. Watch for it ... it'll go slowly, so you might not have the full reply until 2-3 AM. Make sure you watch the pencil the entire time because if you leave the room or even take your eyes off of it, the pencil will erase what it has written and start over. :) Ms SG
Labels:
My job fucking rocks,
teaching
January 12, 2011
November 06, 2010
Custom dictionaries are a window to the soul.
I just happened to open my Outlook custom dictionary (all the words that I have told Outlook to ignore as spelling errors in my emails) ... reading it provides a snapshot of my life. What do these words tell you??? See here:
Acromegaly
AmEx
Annaeus
Anyhoo
Arwen
Augusten
Authorized
Aveda
aerobed
ain't
argh
arse
arugula
asanas
BadGod
Beurre
Blogland
Blograma
Brightons
Broadwing
Buteo
babycakes
babydom
bachelorette
bitchin'
bleah
blog
blogged
blogger
blogger's
bloggers
blogging
blogland
blogs
blogspot
bridezilla
bruschetta
Calzone
Carmina
Celine
Chai
Chocopologie
Cialis
Cinco
Cingular
Classwork
Clinique
Coulis
Crabcake
Creamsicle
Customer
capella
chai
chimenea
chimichurri
chrissake
codon
codons
concealer
copaxone
crabcake
cunny
cybersex
Denethor
Dep
Detangler
Dion
depuffer
Eesti
Eomer
Ernesaks
Ernesaks's
Esto
Estos
effing
elvish
ema
eVite
evite
exfoliant
eyeshadow
eyeshadows
eyesicles
Fabulosity
Faramir
Foodies
Fungoid
fabu
fam
fave
faves
foodie
from
fucktards
fyi
Googled
girlypals
glammed
globalized
gonna
gyno
Hawkwatch
HNT
HNT's
Hoisin
HP
hairband
hallowe'en
hee
hiney
hoisin
hoo
hottie
idk
iPod
isa
iTunes
Jamwall
Jebus
Jiggs
Juku
ja
jamaicensis
jamwall
jiggly
K'NEX
Kalli
Kaplansky
Kaya
Keli
kalli
kegel
kinda
Levitra
Limoges
Limoncello
LiveUpdate
Lyme
loofah
lovah
luv
Monadnock
MySpace
Mythbusters
majorly
mani
marykay
mattifier
microderm
microdermabrasion
mk
motherfucking
NaBloPoMo
Nauset
Neti
Newtons
nitty
noonish
notecards
OCD
Ogontz
Osgiliath
officiant
omg
orcs
Panera
PayPal
PeaPod
Percocet
Pigpile
Poconos
Purgatorian
paraben
parabens
pedi
pertussis
perv
pic
pics
piercings
piggie
pigpile
placecards
poo
ps
Remoulade
Rohan
Russification
revitalizer
ringbearer
rosacea
Sagan
Sagan's
Seussical
Silvermine
Soylent
SpEd
Spinnerina
shabang
sherpa
sitemeters
skank
skanky
slutty
snopes
snowday
soonish
soundscape
spritz
spritzer
starbucks
sumbitch
TeacherWeb
Tere
TimeWise
Timewise
Tolkien
Tolkien's
Tori
Trisomy
Tuyet
Tysabri
tbdoa
tere
texting
thine
titties
toked
ttys
turd
UConn
ummm
undies
Vivaldi
vajayjay
veg
venti
vocab
Waah
Wait'll
Westy
Whatcha
Wii
Wikipedia
Willcocks
waah
webcam
wedgie
whorebag
whup
xoxo
xoxoxo
Yay
YouTube
ya
yay
Zadok
I am seeing some definite themes here. Some of the themes are:
ESTONIAN (hello, mother, father)
BLOGGING
SEX
COFFEE
FINE FOODS
TEACHING
SKIN CARE
KINK
ART
MUSIC
JAMWALL
TOLKIEN
PEOPLE SUCK
BIRDS OF PREY
SELF-PAMPERING
What themes do you see?
What does your custom dictionary tell about YOU?
Labels:
blogging,
know thyself,
outlook,
people are gross,
tarot
September 19, 2010
Dream Analysis
I dreamed my living room mantle held a genie in a bottle that you could control with a dimmer switch on the wall.
Labels:
dream analysis
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