This is not a butt plug. it is a crystal pacifier. You sickies!Today I was sitting at a red light and staring at the people in the mini-van behind me, which is something I often do. I wonder where are they going, what are they thinking, what is their life story?
Then I notice the daughter in the passenger seat, aged about 12, is sucking her thumb. Not just biting on her cuticle, not touching her teeth in thought; she is actively sucking on it. I can see her cheeks indenting slightly with each tug on her pink-fingernailed teat. I can’t stand it.
Why is the father, who is staring straight ahead, not beating her senseless?!?!? I want to rip her thumb out of her mouth and break the seal, and listen to the moist, audible pop of her dismay as a stranger yanks away her comfort toy. Why is he not beating her?!?
Then he has the nerve to honk the horn at me because I missed, in my staring, the changeover of the light from red to green. The outrage! Your pre-pubescent daughter is giving her thumb the biggest knob-slobbing I’ve ever witnessed, and you beep at me?!?! Why are you not beating her senseless?!?!?!
Then I remember that it is wrong to beat people senseless, infantile behavior notwithstanding; and that I sometimes wear adult-size diapers, and I wouldn’t want a stranger to beat me for that. Unless I paid her to.
p.s. I am only mildly horrified that it took this, a 12-year-old sucking her thumb, to finally release my writer's block.
8 comments:
Long time thumb suckers can make awesome lovers in adulthood.
I still wet the bed...
Is this bad?
I would have put my car in park. Sneered at the dad as I walked around his door, paused to stare at him, complete around the rest of the car, and yanked the back door open. I guarantee the girl's thumb would have just dropped to the floor. Along with her jaw.
Mission complete.
Um, no jokes from me, despite sucking references.
Glad your writers' block is gone tho.....
i still suck my own wee-wee. i'm not in the shape i used to be either, i usually have to stretch it like a rubber band!
i...um.
i...sometimes,when i'm sleeping, that is...or watching a scary movie...
oh, hell.
i suck my thumb from time to time.
WHAT?
It's insecurity! I can't help it! I'm just ORAL, is all!
Oh geez. I was in grad school in Chicago, stuck on the Eisenhower freeway going from the Loop west to Oak Park. Big traffic jam, nothing new, 11 am Tuesday, are these mid-westerners nuts? I'm listening to NPR, eyes rolling in sockets, bored. I catch the Acura in my rear view mirror. Yuppie female, 30s, corporate, making her way up...NO! NO! SHE'S SUCKING HER THUMB BIG TIME!
"knob slobbing" HA!! maybe her dad is too sexually frustrated to beat her. perhaps witnessing that is his only pleasure in life in which case HE should be beaten senseless.
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