November 13, 2005

I Can't Bear It

This weekend, I found myself in a well-known baby item store. While there, I wandered into the toy section to look around. It was manned (or should I say monkeyed?) by this fierce-looking but very kind gentleman, who let me take pictures after I mentioned that I know Monkey, whom he seems to remember from some sort of camp. He wouldn't elaborate when pressed, even though I offered to let him spend some time in my armpit.

The reason for taking pictures will now be revealed. In the past, I may have mentioned a particular pet peeve of mine. See if you can guess what it might be, from looking at the following photos:

Bear as bee.

Bear as bunny.

Bear as devil.

Bear as ladybug.

Bear as vegetable.

Bear as f---ing candy corn!

Did you figure it out? Good. You are very astute. I hate bears dressed as other things. Why can't a bear just be a bear, dammit? Bears are cute in their own right; they don't need to dress up as other things. I won't rant about it much longer; I've already done so here. But I will continue to post evidence of this perversion as it is revealed to me. Proof that the world is going to hell. Teddy bear hell! Feel free to flood my inbox with photos of the sickness if you see it in your corner of the world. I'll use them next time I go off on this topic. In fact, I think I'll start a whole separate blog about it. That, and dolls that freak me out.

While I'm ranting, how about this: Why would anyone want to dress their little girl like this (below)? Check out these infant items, also at said famous baby store. Do people really want to tell the world that "My baby "R" a hooker?" I don't think so.

I'm OK now. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'll be in the basement with an icepack on my face. Holler if you need me.


HighMaintenanceHussy said...


i wish i hadn't read this post so close to bedtime.

babyjewels said...

does this mean our build-a-bear outing is cancelled?

LBseahag said...

Teddy Ruxpin needs to make a comeback...and kill all of those bear sissies...

jiggs said...

Once I saw a teddy bear dressed in a bear suit. My head exploded. It was like that time I walked out of a starbucks only to see a starbucks on the other side of the street.

I know. That's from a louis black routine.

B.O.B.I. said...

I would slap anyone I saw buying their infant those clothes. That's just too weird.

As for the bears, I dunno honey. Some of those were just cute as the dickens. Maybe it's because I dress up my pet grizzly and try to pass him off as my very hairy, illiterate cousin, but I like bears in outfits.

By the way, check my new blog; I have something for you. Hope you don't hate it.

MadMeer said...

I can relate to the bear in the devil costume, but the rest are pretty silly.

miss kendra said...

i worked next to a store that sold children's clothing made form pvc and vinyl.

zippered bikinis. i kid you not.

Cap'n Marrrrk said...

The other day, my company met with a freelance writer to brainstorm how to sell our services to a certain HUGE bear building company. Unfortunately they didn't include me in the session because I had a great idea. Much like these Anne Geddis-esque bears, my idea was much simpler and to the point:

Why not dress a bear up in a baby suit? Not baby clothes, but a baby costume. Big bulbous head from which a bear snout protrudes from the toothless gaping maw. And if they could swing it, maybe use actual pieces of baby. I think it would be an awesome idea. But like I said, I wasn't invited into the meeting because I'm a Production Artist, I'm not deemed creative enough.

Juliabohemian said...

I think it might be safer if you stayed out of stores that carry stuffed animals, just in case you have some sort of breakdown or something.

BadGod said...

Why were you in a baby/kids store?

Is the clock ticking??

I agree the bear thing is dumb. I never had a teddy bear when I was a kid. I had a stuffed zebra.

My parents hated me.

FRITZ said...

Jeez...where's my bear in a skeleton costume?

And what is up with people dressing their kids like sluts? It's not cute, it's plain scary.

Sorry about the bear issue. You apparently find it unBEARable.


Monkey said...

My GOD! Those damn bears are a menace to society. And you think I'm joking? I'm not. One time... at band camp...

Ooops. I'm not supposed to talk about that. I was sworn to secrecy.

(The Baby R Hookers had me literally laughing hysterically... so freaking true.)

Weary Hag said...

Well. I'll give you the doll thing ... (I remember that post very well) ... but I don't have a problem with the bear costumes. haha ... sounds funny. Bear costumes... but they aren't bear costumes at all. They are bears being other things!

Okay, I'll meet you half way on the candy corn bear. That's a little over the top.

By the way SG ... THIS ... (your blog) is the fucking reason I never get to other people's blogs. By the time I get here there's so much to catch up on (and well worth it, always) that I run out of time to go blog visiting!
It's all your fault - dammit.

gracie said...