SG Deep Cuts Part 2: Minutes: Good Old-Fashioned Slumber Party 2005

originally posted 7/18/05

My 2-person slumber party deviated pretty heavily from the agenda, both in activities and in time frame. Please refer to these minutes for actual timeline of events.

Event: The Super Semi-Annual Sleepover
Date: Sunday, July 17, 2005
Location: 1 Prickly Heat Place, Hotnhazy, Connecticut

MINUTES

5:15 PM
LYL arrives, puts own pillow upstairs in guest room
Comments: "Your apartment is fucking freezing! Oh my god, if I knew it was so fucking freezing, I would have brought a sweatshirt!"
SG turns thermostat up from 66 to 74.

5:15-6:35
Gossip, Iced Tea, Review of agenda

6:35
Starbucks

6:59
Arrive at AA meeting

7:00-8:30
AA meeting (scheduled)
7:30-8:36 (actual)

8:29
Person at meeting starts sharing over-long and meeting runs until 8:35. What the F?

8:47
Arrive back at the manse

9:15
Dinner

9:30-11:00
A rousing and competitive game of Boggle©, including real and imaginary words such as [these are some of the words that LYL challenged even though I claimed they are legit]:
nozi
cozi
clite
roc
rhea
poi
faun
roy
kirp

11:02
SG wins Boggle© game, 102 to 45.

11:08
Tea, cigarette

11:20
Rousing and hysterical game of Top Ten, which originally inspired this blog (see first few entries). Awesome game by the way.

2:35 AM
Game peters out

2:45
Check email & blogs

2:55
Retainers in

3:00
Bed (separate rooms)

3:00-3:15
SG reads Tales of the Otori
LYL obsesses about where she knew that lady at AA from

3:19
LYL remembers that the lady at AA used to be her pediatrician

3:20
lights out

8:20 AM
Wakeup and coffee

9:30 AM
Tarot Reading

12:30 PM
LYL leaves for home

Spinning Girl Deep Cuts: Time for a Good Old-Fashioned Slumber Party

Originally posted: 7/17/05

It is just too hot & sticky to do anything today, so my friend Leigh Yung Li (henceforth LYL) is coming over for a visit & sleepover. We are both in our 30's, and it's been a while since we had a girls' sleepover, so I made an agenda. Here it is:

The Super Semi-Annual Sleepover
Sunday, July 17, 2005
1 Prickly Heat Place, Hotnhazy, Connecticut

AGENDA

4:00-5:00 PM

Arrival and check-in; unpacking
Familiarization with grounds
Establishment of routines and expectations

5:00-6:45 PM

Gossip about people we hate
Tea (SG) / Coffee (LYL)/ cigarette (LYL); dinner
Examining and analyzing neuroses
Gossip about people we like
Talk about my messy house: how messy is too messy?
Talk about the hot guy

6:45 PM

Depart for AA meeting or Starbucks

7:00-8:00 PM

AA meeting or 2 double shot venti extra whip mocha lattes

8:15 PM

Arrive back at the manse

8:30-9:00 PM

Tea / coffee / cigarette
Discuss & choose next activity from list below

9:00-11:00 PM

Engage in activity/activities from list below

11:00-11:30 PM

Begin thinking about bed
Braid hair / pillow fight / massage / quasi-lesbian hinting /

put in retainers

11:45 PM

Bedtime (separate rooms); quiet reading time

12:00 AM

Lights Out

Monday’s schedule: Flexible, depending upon wake-up time, but should include coffee, breakfast, and closure on unfinished items from Sunday’s agenda.

Possible Activities
Tarot Reading
DVD: the Incredibles
Watch midget porn (nod to badgod)
Play Bullet to the Head ©
Top Ten Game ©
Gossip about people we don’t know very well
Watch TV; channel surfing
Watch TV; fixed station
The Cube: a game of enlightenment
Look at old yearbooks

Make Magnetic Poetry ©
Crank calls
Help me organize my house
Look at Slang Flashcards ©
Scattergories ©
Plaster of Paris cast of hands / feet

SG Deep Cuts: Mary Had a Little Lamb Pudding

Original post date: 8/10/05

I’ve been on this Greek Yogurt kick for a while now, ever since my lovely friend A. (A for Anyhoo) introduced it to me.

It is so delicious; it’s plain cow’s milk yogurt, and deliciously creamy. I add 2 Splendas, whip it into a froth, and eat it plain … or with blueberries if I’m feeling courageous.

While not everyone agrees on the deliciousness of it (my friend Leigh Yung Li thinks it tastes like Sour Cream Made in Hell by Satan’s Imps), we must all agree that, for plain yogurt, it’s quite exceptional.

Mistake was made yesterday.

Spinning Girl went to market and accidentally picked up:

Notice the labeling; not your ordinary bovine product. Nay (or should I say neigh?), this was an entirely different yogurt altogether.

You know how you go to the Big E* and walk past the pens of sheep & goats, and you get that not-so-subtle whiff of lanolin and poopebble-laced hay?

That is what this yogurt tasted like.

Maybe I’m just not used to sheep’s milk, or goat’s milk. I do like feta and goat cheeses. However, I’ve never felt like I sucked them straight from the teats of the animal like I did with this product.

It also had these random lumps in it, sort of like watered-down tapioca. Mmmmm.

Now, maybe I just got a bad batch. I did buy several of them, and now they are all flocked in my fridge, waiting for me.

Bleating to be let out.

I have an idea that I’ll be releasing these little lambs back to nature, though. Yes sir, yes sir ... three bags full.

* Giant agri expo

Spinning Girl apologizes to Fage USA, Inc. for this unsolicited testimonial. Your other yogurts are the best thing I’ve ever eaten (almost)! I would be happy to appear in one of your commercials. I love you Fage! Especially that big, strong boy who cleans the culture tank, Nicola. Now that's creamylicious.

The less I write, the less I have to say. The more I write, well ... we shall see.

It's a strange phenomenon that the less time I give myself for writing, the less I have to say, and the less I want to write. But something in me drives me to want to write more, and unblock these obstacles that pile up in front of me. Stephen King, in On Writing, says that we should write every day to keep the instrument limber; you won't write a masterpiece everyday, but you have to show up at the page for the muse to know you mean business. Getting together with Leigh Yung Li always helps, and on one of our recent slumber parties I quickly came up with 7-8 stories I could tell, including how Brad the Clown once flipped a blueberry pie upside down. This is a tale for another day... or best left buried, before the angry demons awake? For now, I am simply showing up.

School ended.

It was an intensely busy time, but one of the highlights includes this letter that I got from My Little Percy, the most amazing student:

... and these shoes from Ashe, which you may remember from an earlier post. The boy outgrew them, and thought I might like them as a parting gift to remember him by. They now reside on my fireplace, and smell only very faintly of his little Indian feet.

My house occupies a largish chunk of my time ... mowing, trying to fix my botched paint job in the yoga room, growing small vegetables and trying to beautify the backyard for gatherings.

Something is dead under my shed; I smell it, I see the flies. I refuse to look. Three baby birds fallen from their nest in the front yard are covered with those same green-bottle flies. I refuse to look. I hear the flies, buzzing. There is a smell.

I joined a gym, finally, a commitment that is long overdue for my out-of-shape body. I felt I needed some physique intervention. It came in the form of Matt, who is 6'4" tall, 1% body fat, and expensive. Twice a week for an hour he kicks my ass, and I come back for more. I am starting to feel muscles in places where I forgot I had places. This is so much better than Curves, where all I learned was whose daughter got accepted to which college. I forgot how good sweating can feel. My favorite part of the gym is the shower. They have the best soaps. I haven't showered in my own house for about two weeks.

Sitting at the computer feels like work. I read email sometimes. Sometimes I make lolcats, like this one from my sister's house:

I know Todd loves these.

In a week I leave for choir camp, but I'll try to post something every day until then. Just showing up at the page; no promises of brilliance, OK? I can't live up to that. I can barely fucking walk.

And in August, well ... am I allowed to say, you guys? Or should I wait until after? I don't want to let the simian out of the bag too early. Let's just say a very exciting blog reunion is brewing.

Oh, and about the blog frolic? I'm working on it. Fuckspot.com refused to "save as draft" even though I am hitting "save now" and "ctrl-D" like they tell me to, but all I get is the silent hourglass and a blank stare.

Carry on. See you tomorrow.

Everything's Better Tripled (a sweet meme)

1. Three things that scare me
Fundamentalism
Ouija Boards
Things with big eyes

2. Three people that make me laugh
Kathy Griffin
My dad
Leigh Yung Li

3.Three things I hate the most
Caraway Seeds
Dog Shit
When I make a joke and end up hurting someone's feelings by accident

4. Three things I don't understand
The stock market
The schedule board at my school
Why pictures of Carrot Top make me feel funny in my tickle-place

5. Three things I'm doing right now
Wearing PJ pants
drinking apple cider
feeling this weird bump I have on the skin of my left forearm

6. Things to do before I die
Live
Love
Leave a big fun mess

7. Three things I can do
Play Bach's Minuet in G while lying backwards on the piano bench with my arms up over my head
Write exactly what I mean to say
Execute a dive from 30 feet above the surface of the water

8. Three ways to describe my personality
I'll let y'all do this one.

9. Three things I can't do
Draw
A split ... not since age 14
Watch a game of football

10. Three things I think you should listen to
Mozart's Clarinet Concerto; the middle movement
Beethoven's 9th Symphony, performed live
25,000 people saying the Pledge of Allegiance

11. Three things you should never listen to
Any song with screaming in it
Hate lyrics
The findings of the latest food study

12. Three things I'd like to learn
How to put together an engine
Where everything is in New York City, so I don't need a map
How to knit

13. Three favorite foods
Lasagna
Pumpkin ice cream
The mayonnaise & tomato sandwich

14. Three beverages I drink regularly
Iced tea
coffee
seltzer or tonic

15. Three TV shows I watched as a kid
Little House on the Prairie
Sesame Street
The Saturday Night Love Boat-Fantasy Island Double-banger

Unconscious Mutterings

Another Week, another chance for Luna to mess with my mind. Let's see what she has in store for us this week, shall we?

Here goes.

1. Replenish::
   
2. People::
   
3. Trend::
   
4. Girlfriends::
   
5. Spirit::
   
6. Banshee::
   
7. Oasis::
   
8. Thrills::
   
9. Fountain::
   
10. Boxes::
    

Now pony up in the comments, then meander below the photo to see what I may or may not have said.

Artwork: Big Plans by Boxerhead

1. Replenish:: Skin
   
2. People:: Village
   
3. Trend:: Jeans
   
4. Girlfriends:: Leigh Yung Li
   
5. Spirit:: Warrior
   
6. Banshee:: Cry
   
7. Oasis:: Desert
   
8. Thrills:: Roller Coasters
   
9. Fountain:: of Youth
   
10. Boxes:: Packing
    

Leigh Yung Li

I thought this might bear reading a second time. No reason.
The amazing Leigh Yung Li

Post-Celebratory Bliss (I Get the Best Gifts!)

I had such a lovely birthday! This day always reminds me to reflect upon my life and its countless blessings. I so appreciate all of the warm greetings on my previous two posts, and the beautiful gifts I received. I'm a little disconcerted by the use of "your mom" and "hawt" in the same sentence, but upon further examination I have come to realize that both my parents are pretty effing fabu!

Besides a fabu family, here are some of the wonderful gifts that were bestowed upon me:

A loverly poem by a certain blogging dearie.

Bookplates from my friend Anihu

A cozy blanket and
delicious little cake, from Quilting Girl

A shopping spree!

A brooch, from Leigh Yung Li

A series of surprise photos on my digital camera;

this one is entitled "Tuuna Taco's foot, photo 2 of 7"

New gloves, with baby blue leather piping. Yum!

Cocoa goodness

Chocolaty goodness

Pansies!

A calendar

Calendula!

And more flowers!

I am touched and pleased beyond measure by these gifts of love. Happy birthday to me!

The Church Giggles: Pudding Puppet

This link reminded me of the worst case of the “church giggles” that I have ever had; I am pleased to be reminded so that I may bring this story to you.

My friend Leigh Yung Li is one of the funniest people I know; only someone like her would fondle his-n-hers anatomically correct toothbrushes, or marry a man who wears this apron 24-7. Hanging out with her is a natural high. We’ve had slumber parties, written fake memos to our school (for which we got in trouble), and moved the principal’s car to the other side of the building. I’ve also felt her up several times, which is how I cement most of my friendships. Her boobs are taut, perky, and responsive.

One of the best stories I have about LYL involves the Pudding Puppet.

In early October of 2001, LYL and a few of our colleagues attended a benefit dinner for a local nature education center; it was a pay-by-the-plate event, with a silent auction, all proceeds to benefit the upkeep of this wonderful center. During dinner, we had lively conversation and hearty laughs, though we were surrounded by some of the town’s “old money” families and lots of people who looked down their long noses at our rowdiness. Nevertheless, we traded stories and examined our auction paddles, fighting over who got to bid with paddle number “69”.

Sometime during dinner, LYL, who does not eat food, turned her uneaten dessert into a little person. The dessert was tiramisu in a wine glass; LYL took the olives out of Gary’s martini and a ziti from Deb’s plate and made a face, then took the ribbon off my auction paddle to complete the look. The Pudding Puppet was now ready for action:


Now, ordinarily, something so juvenile would raise, at best, a smirk and a few giggles from me. But at this moment, the director of the center began talking to the room on the microphone, so it became inappropriate for us to be giggling. The harder I tried to suppress my laughter, the funnier it all seemed. It didn’t help that LYL’s pudding Puppet kept “interacting” with the tablemates during this time, shaking her little ribbon and looking at me imploringly with her pimiento-stuffed eyes.

We were getting some rather disdainful looks by this time, which of course made us laugh even harder; we did stifle the laughter, but it was obvious that we (teachers in the district, every single one) were being immature beyond all measures of propriety.

Then came the crowning touch.

A very old, distinguished woman got up (it turns out, the major benefactor of the nature center), took the microphone, and began speaking softly:

"After an event like 9-11, a place like the Wyatt Center reminds us of what is good, and true, and wholesome in our lives. It is a place where people can come to learn and to be together in nature, in fellowship, in learning…"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I screamed inside my head. Now it was totally inappropriate to be laughing! She said 9-11! It had just happened! We were all still open wounds!

It was horrible. At this point I was beyond any sort of help. I had my dinner napkin up around my face, half of it stuffed into my mouth, trying to gag the uncontrollable hysteria that was pouring out of me. Tears were flowing freely down my face. I take some comfort in knowing that a few people thought I was crying. When I was able to gain some measure of control, I got up from the table and walked the mile and a half to the door; in the lobby I exploded into laughter, which continued in the ladies’ room for a good ten minutes. I literally could not stop. I thought I might have to call an ambulance for myself. It was completely out of my hands; I was in the grips of monster hysteria the likes of which I have never experienced before or since.

I finally composed myself and, together with two others who had joined me in the bathroom laugh-fest, returned to the table.

The moment I sat down, LYL picked up the Puppet and wiggled it at me, saying (in an Elmo-like voice), Where did you go?

Round Two began just as spontaneously as the first, but didn’t last as long; I did have to excuse myself a second time.

The worst part is, I didn’t get to bid on the mountain bike I really wanted.

The best part is, the Pudding Puppet image is forever ingrained in my mind, and I can pull it out whenever I want.

I love the church giggles. Don't you?

The Tale of Goldilocks (a.k.a. I Might Be Going to Hell)

• Shanshu's post about chain letters prompted me to write this post about something I did. I am at once ashamed and secretly delighted at what I did. I paid for it for a year.

• Let me walk you through it...
  
• I have a friend ... well, an ex-friend, for reasons that shall become apparent, named SBH (for "Screaming Bobble-Head" ; a story for another time, but this image should help set the tone), who always always always forwards emails. I hate the forward. I loathe it. My chic-nana friends like Leigh Yung Li and Quilting Girl at least clean up their jokes before they send them to me, and they never send me touchy-feely stuff.
  
• I particularly loathe the forwards that say some queer shit like, "This angel loves you" or "This ___ wants to give you a hug of love and support!" (insert own word in the blank: puppy, kitten, homeless guy). I'm anyway not a fan of angels, fairies, crystals, etc.; when coupled with the insult of 11.5 million other email addresses on top and a million of these thingies >>>>>>> in front of the text, it's a sure thing that email's going in the recycle bin before some crusty old hobo can get his loving arms around me.
• So, SBH was one of the top offenders. I did ask her a few times not to include me on her list, and she would comply, then forget. Then we had an incident in which she threatened to beat me up, which is comical, because she is 4'10", and I pushed her down on a tile floor, and she kicked her clog into a decorative ceramic bowl and broke it. All of this took place at a very classy teacher party, where obviously alcohol was being served. Oops, I promised I'd tell that story another time. But it's important you know that I was getting tired of her and her childish ways, which is why I did what I did.
  
• One day a year or so ago, I received an email from SBH, and here is what it said.
  
• To: Spinning Girl
  From: Screaming Bobble Head
  Re: FW:FWD:Fw:Fw:FW:Fwd:FW:FW: Help us find Goldy, PLEASE!!!! DO NOT DELETE!!!!
  
• Inside, there were about 23.7 inches of email addresses (I measured) followed by SBH's two cents (seems far, but worth a try! :-) love, SBH) [p.s. I hate when people put noses on their emoticons. It's :) , dammit!] and this very touching notice:
  

Goldilocks

• Our cocker spaniel Goldilocks has been missing for 2 weeks. She was last seen on 8/22/04 in the Elm Street area. She is a 3-year old female who answers to her name and is very affectionate. If you find her, please call us! Forward this to all of your friends!!!
  Thanks,
  Major Lee & Vera Upsetten
  Macomb, Illinois
  
  
• Illinois.
  
• Illi-fucki-NOIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• Well, I had had it. With SBH, the stupid forwards, with all of it. Now comes the part where I did the thing.
  
• I hit "reply all" and wrote:
  
  A coyote ate her.
  

• This may have been a mistake. In hindsight, it was a bit cruel, because at its last point that email landed in the laps of the original owners, who were probably distraught enough, and probably have a cute little pig-tailed five-year-old at home, crying herself to sleep every night. In my heart of hearts, I hope that Goldilocks made it home from Connecticut to Illinois on her bloody little paws and crept into her dog bed someday soon thereafter. I hope the coyotes left her alone (even though I love the idea of coyotes, as I've mentioned in the past, death by canid gnawing just can't be pleasant). But what is wrong with all the people between Illinois & here who forwarded that email to their whole address book?!?!?!?!?

• I feel somewhat justified in my angry reply, even though I realize that it was really just the final impetus for changing my name from pencil to ink on Satan-man's roster. If I believed in Hell, I suppose I'd be worried, but I don't, so I'll just worry that maybe a coyote will get a hold of my carcass before it's been properly tucked away in the soil.
  

• The worst part of the story, at least for me, is that I paid the Piper. Boy, did I. I got mountains of hate-mail in my inbox from all of those people; people who were angry that I included them, as well as people who thought I was a terrible person. Even some animal lovers, if you can believe it! After a while, if I saw a name I didn't recognize, I'd just delete it, but in the beginning I would read them and then feel so bad about myself I would wear a hair shirt. Well, not so much wear it, as make an appointment for a half-day at the spa for highlights and deep conditioning; maybe even a pedicure.
  
• The happy ending to the story is that it was the last time I ever heard from SBH. No great loss there, since she had threatened my life with her little golf-ball fists. I do wish I knew about the dog, though; I really do hope she made it.

• Can you maybe forward this post to everyone you know and help me find out?

---------------------------------------------------------

• Disclaimer: Failure to mention Hurricane Rita, the Oxygen Bus, Sky Blue, or Kate Moss does not indicate lack of compassion on the part of this Blogger. Inflicting false death by coyote on an innocent made-up spaniel may, however.

Leigh Yung Li

My friend Leigh Yung Li (here she is laughing over his & hers anatomically correct toothbrushes) ...

... is one of the most awesome & funny people I know.

• When we worked together we used to concoct fake memos and distribute them to the staff, until we were asked not to by upper-level administration (this seems to be a trend lately--apparently, it's not OK to harass people via email anymore [See legal memo at Dewey Screuem & Howe]).

• When she came over for a slumber party this summer, we stayed up into the wee hours of the morning laughing, something I haven’t done since I left my 20’s. I need to share a few stories, to give you an idea of just how special LYL is.

• When she was a child, she went to a 2-week sleepaway camp; during her stay, she refused to bathe the entire time, citing cold water and spiders as the reason. Consequently, her camp counselors threw a “soap suds party” in the bathhouse. Only later did she find out that it was only because of her, and their effort to get her smelly crust clean.

• Two years ago, Leigh Yung Li and I went to 6 Flags to ride roller coasters. I don’t really enjoy them; I mostly just shut my eyes and moan quietly. LYL’s way of coping included repeating what she calls “The Sea World Skit” (excerpted below) over & over at a manic speed, clutching to my arm (& bruising it) the entire time:

• Hello, my name is Leigh and I’d like to welcome you to Sea World AND we hope you have a pleasant stay AND now settle down to enjoy our sea lion presentation our first sea lion today is named Flipper everybody please put your hands together and give flipper a BIG SEA WORLD WELCOME! Hello, my name is Leigh and I’d like to welcome you to Sea World AND we hope you have a pleasant stay AND now settle down to enjoy our sea lion presentation our first sea lion today is named Flipper everybody please put your hands together and give flipper a BIG SEA WORLD WELCOME! Hello, my name is Leigh and I’d like to welcome you to Sea World AND we hope you have a pleasant stay AND now settle down to enjoy our sea lion presentation our first sea lion today is named Flipper everybody please put your hands together and give flipper a BIG SEA WORLD WELCOME!

• Later in the day, we rode a floorless coaster called Mind Eraser (note to self: pay attention to the names of things). We had stood in line for over 2 hours, which somewhat (though not fully) excuses what happened next. While we were riding, LYL was laughing hysterically; somewhere in there, she started yelling, “I think I’m peeing!” When we got off the ride, she said, “I think I peed a little; can you check the back of my pants?” A little?!? Her pants were completely soaked from here to there. Worse, there was a puddle on the seat she had just vacated, which the next person climbed into.

• Leigh Yung Li was 31 years old at the time.

• These are just a few ways in which LYL is really, really special. Don’t think I’m done talking about her.

**off topic: is it neurotic that my time stamps always

have to be exactly on the hour and half hour?

Mary Had a Little Lamb Pudding

I’ve been on this Greek Yogurt kick for a while now, ever since my lovely friend A. (A for Anyhoo) introduced it to me.

It is so delicious; it’s plain cow’s milk yogurt, and deliciously creamy. I add 2 Splendas, whip it into a froth, and eat it plain … or with blueberries if I’m feeling courageous.

While not everyone agrees on the deliciousness of it (my friend Leigh Yung Li thinks it tastes like Sour Cream Made in Hell by Satan’s Imps), we must all agree that, for plain yogurt, it’s quite exceptional.

Mistake was made yesterday.

Spinning Girl went to market and accidentally picked up:

Notice the labeling; not your ordinary bovine product. Nay (or should I say neigh?), this was an entirely different yogurt altogether.

You know how you go to the Big E* and walk past the pens of sheep & goats, and you get that not-so-subtle whiff of lanolin and poopebble-laced hay?

That is what this yogurt tasted like.

Maybe I’m just not used to sheep’s milk, or goat’s milk. I do like feta and goat cheeses. However, I’ve never felt like I sucked them straight from the teats of the animal like I did with this product.

It also had these random lumps in it, sort of like watered-down tapioca. Mmmmm.

Now, maybe I just got a bad batch. I did buy several of them, and now they are all flocked in my fridge, waiting for me.

Bleating to be let out.

I have an idea that I’ll be releasing these little lambs back to nature, though. Yes sir, yes sir ... three bags full.

* Giant agri expo

Spinning Girl apologizes to Fage USA, Inc. for this unsolicited testimonial. Your other yogurts are the best thing I’ve ever eaten (almost)! I would be happy to appear in one of your commercials. I love you Fage! Especially that big, strong boy who cleans the culture tank, Nicola. Now that's creamylicious.