Meditation a la Mode

I am just sitting here, eating some ice cream and thinking deep thoughts. To wit:

• A very small spider has taken up residence in the corner of my office. It is a S.A.S. (spider of acceptable size), so I will leave it alone. I hope it doesn’t decide to walk across my lips in the night.
• When my twin sister and I were 5, we went to a birthday party that included a trip to the movies to see “Snoopy Come Home”. There’s a part where the Peanuts kids are singing, “Snooooopy, Snoooooopy, oh won’t you come home, come home, come home?” It is so sad. It tears you up inside. We started to bawl; we were inconsolable. Our mother had to come get us.
• We were always that way, getting each other worked up. We’d lie awake at night in our shared bedroom saying things to each other like, “wait … what if mom and dad …die?!?!?! Waaaah!” and then we’d barge in on my parents for comfort after working each other up into a red-alert fit.
• The Honda Element is butt ugly. I actually threw up a little in my mouth when one passed me today.
• When I was six, I threw a giant rock into Lake Huron. Well, I threw it towards Lake Huron. At the precise moment it reached her area, my younger sister stood up and the rock ended its trajectory on the back of her 2-year-old skull. Twin sister & I stifled her screams because we didn’t want to get in trouble. Don’t worry, she was fine and later we told our mother (when we were 17).
• I just can’t wear a do-rag the way I did back then, young & carefree in Key West.

• I really, really miss Jim Henson. Viscerally. Deep in my belly. I love The Dark Crystal! I love when Kira is calling for those stilt-walker things and she yells, “kama leyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I love when Aughra sniffs Jem and says, “Looks like a gelfling. Smells like a gelfling. Maybe you are a gelfling!!” I love the whole surreal, slow, mystical quality of it.

And did anyone else have a pleasant, albeit disturbing, semi-erotic response to the dog-dragon thing in Never-Ending Story? He’s this giant, strong, undulating, furry beast. How could I not feel a tingle?

• Somebody I know, after reading my comment about waking up in the dead of night with fears, shared the following: For years I used to wake up and check to make sure my breasts and vagina were still there. I had heard that people changed gender, and I thought it happened spontaneously. Just wanted to make sure everything was intact (She finally stopped a few years ago, when she turned 45).

I think I might have actually failed Organic Chemistry II, but the professor gave me a mercy D- because I used to go to his office hours every single day. For extra help, you sickies!

I got a 7% on my Calculus IV final exam. That's zero-seven. I was done in 23 minutes & spent the next hour and a half drawing bunnies all over my test. I was on Dean’s List every semester except the one after that calculus class (and organic); that semester I was on Academic Probation.

I did an independent study in Chemistry that consisted mostly of going out to lunch for Rocks & Wings with my professor. And trying to fix the mass spectrophotometer, which we never managed to do. And learning to shoot a revolver (picture later—in I Might be White Trash VI).

I saw somebody I knew at the grocery store today and I ran & hid behind the organic dairy display until she passed. I just wasn’t in the mood.

There’s a mentally challenged man who works in the cafeteria at my work, and every time he sees me he asks me the same exact question. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or compassionate. Aren’t I allowed to be annoyed by people, even though they are retarded? Dude, I answered you the first 54 times!!! I hate that I feel guilty for thinking “please shut up” every day, in my mind, at him.

I don’t really like Halloween that much. I plan to go out & leave my house dark. Yeah, it’ll be an egg magnet, but at least I won’t have to rummage through my pantry & give the kids canned goods when I run out of candy, like I did last year.

Today I Learned to Make a Puppet. A Puppet Like a Mitten.

This puppet is like a mitten.

How do play with this puppet? At first take your mitten and try to make it alive. Try to move the mitten and think what it can to talk to other mittens.

Which is its voice?

If you think up what person you want for your play then you must make a pattern. The pattern must be so big that it's will be cosy and handy for you. To main pattern you can add the ears. The ears sew on the head. The mittens can make of thick textile. The eyes can be button or make of paper.
See the pattern to make it here.

(Really, I was searching for Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals, and I Googled the word "karu", which is Estonian for "bear", and I found this. It's sort of endearing, in a sad way ... isn't it? I want to move the mitten and think what it can talk to other mittens!!!)

I love her so much.

New Album Just Released!!!

10 Reasons Why I Want to Eat an Annie Lennox Sandwich [reposted for your enjoyment]

1. She's boyishly feminine ... wait, no, she is girlishly masculine. Either way, she is 100% raw physicality, with butch hair and eyes that can see into the innermost caverns of your brain. What her eyes can't reach, her voice will. With every ounce of her being, she obliterates traditional gender boundaries.
2. In 2004 she won the Oscar for the closing song in the best movie ever. Need I say more?
3. Lyrics like these: This is the book I never read; these are the words I never said; this is the path I'll never tread; these are the dreams I'll dream instead; this is the joy that's seldom spread; these are the tears ... the tears we shed; this is the fear; this is the dread; these are the contents of my head. (Why)
4. And these: Once I had the rarest rose ... that ever deigned to bloom. (Love Song for a Vampire)
5. Also: Take this gilded cage of pain and set me free; take this overcoat of shame, it never did belong to me. (Gift)
6. She is from Scotland. As a student there, she studied the flute.
7. She is technically an alto, but has a range of 4 octaves.
8. She married (& divorced) a Hare Krishna monk.
9. Her reputed best friend is Chrissie Hynde.
10. Her birthday is on Christmas.

Lunch at Chocopologie Cafe

Twirling Girl and I went to lunch at this lovely spot called Chocopologie in South Norwalk, CT. It is quite famous for the chocolates, produced by chocolatier Fritz Knipschildt, who has been featured on various networks (most recently a special on the Food Network) for his world-famous treats.

We sat in The Gallery, which afforded us a view of the kitchens, where Easter chocolates were being hand-dipped and boxed.


The Oompa-Loompas tend to be a bit skittish. They don't really like it when you stare, so it's better to look at them with your peripheral vision. Fritz himself was on site, but I didn't snap his picture. What am I, a freaking tourist?!?!? (yes)

The sale & awards shelf in the back. I think this is where they put stuff that they don't want to get rid of, but that would clutter up the front of the shop.

I ordered ginger ale and a pot of tea.

How lovely it all was!

This Oompa Loompa was dipping half-eggs and then sticking them together. This was a task that appeared repetitive and tiresome. I imagine even working with yummy treats gets old after a while.

The display case was tempting.

This lovely photo was in the bathroom.

The eggs were packaged in boxes for shipping.

Our meals were decent; TG had crab cakes ...

I had duck breast on mixed greens. It was overcooked, but the salad was delicious. It had a fig vinaigrette that I'd love to copy.

By far the best part of the meal was the dessert; we each ordered a truffle, and then shared this dessert. It was a crepe with vanilla ice cream, strawberries, and a green peppercorn sauce. If you think those three things wouldn't taste fabu together, guess again! It was unreal.

If you're ever in SoNo (South Norwalk), give me a jingle; we'll meet for lunch in chocolate heaven.

Don't cry.

(click the image)
they're only bears.

Daylight Savings WTF?!?!?!?!

This machine has changed. My. Life. Forreverrrrrrrrrrr

I bought the Senseo pod coffee machine, and it is one of the best purchases I have ever made! For people who love a fresh-tasting cup of coffee, this really is the way to go. Gone are the days of burnt, sat-too-long-on-the-burner blahs. Helloooo, frothy deliciousness!

Senseo makes all sorts of pods, with different roasts, blends .... even tea. You can also buy pods made by other companies. They cost a bit more, but I figure I am saving money by not pouring sub-par, overcooked coffee down the drain. Or spending half my income at Starbucks.

Here is an action shot of me placing the pod into the machine! Wooh!

Watch as the coffee pours out of the spout! It takes the machine 90 seconds to heat up, and then 30 seconds to brew each cup. I can brew 4 cups before I have to fill the water reservoir, which takes only a moment. The machine is ready to brew again right away. I can also select for small cup or mug size. The spout moves up or down to accommodate mug sizes; it does not fit my giant travel mug, but luckily, I know how to pour.

(This beautiful hand-thrown mug is thrown by the brilliant artist at Five Wings Studio in Fitzwilliam, NH.)

Now, does that, or does that not, look delicious?!?!? The best part of my new machine is the quality of the coffee that comes out. Not only is it fresh, it is frothy and steamy and altogether delightful. I feel like I should be sitting in a cafe in Provence instead of on the stool in my kitchen. Coffee lovers, if you don't know about the pod, I think it's time for you to learn.

It never ever ends.

Teddy Bears Dressed

as Other Animals!!!

Brace yourself.

Meditations on a Fleeting Streak of Green (a.k.a. Reposting is in fashion)

I would love to see the Green Flash. Is that too big a request, sir? Hmm? Just once would be nice. One blink of emerald light to last a lifetime.

Is there anything lovelier than the chalk hopscotch scrawled on the sidewalk in front of the pizza place? Who plays hopscotch anymore? Somebody does, apparently … I love knowing that.

What is up with all the kids in wheelchairs in textbooks? I know it’s politically correct and all, but I counted 6 kids in wheelchairs in a textbook with 37 kids pictured. That’s like … a lot%!!!! In a school of our size (1100 kids), that would mean 178.4 kids in chairs. Come on now; let’s be a little more representative of the true population, people. And who wants to see 2/5 of a kid rolling around the halls? Not me. (I’ll explain the math later – shoot me an email and I’ll lay it out in color blocks for ya)

My friend B and I were talking about the childhood truths that come out in blogging, and then she shared that she used to make her boy doll and her girl doll hump. That would be OK I guess, if they weren’t Donny and Marie. Even though you know those two totally rode the pony. At least once.

I don’t really like the Beatles. I never have liked them. I know -- horrible. I have never admitted it before. Now please just punch my ticket so that I can go directly to hell.

My dad is so funny. And so very silly. He never says "bird". He always says "boid". He even went so far as to re-label the buckets of sunflower seeds for the birdfeeder. See? He also says, "when did you first loin of pork?" every time we eat pork loin. I scream every time, but I would miss it if he didn't say it, and wonder what was wrong.

On second thought ... there is no hell. Except the one we make for ourselves. Ditto heaven. This is what I think. Won’t I be surprised when I find out I was so so so wrong.

I think the line “driving the skin bus to tuna town” is one of the funniest euphemisms for sex that I have heard. Likewise, “laying cable” for pooping. Think you can do better?

I made up new words to the Nelly Furtado song “I’m Like a Bird”, and it went like this: “I’m like a turd, I’ll only float away-ayyyy … I don’t know where my home is … I don’t know where my bowl is …” I thought it was the funniest thing ever.

It may seem from this post that I love toilet humor, but generally I think that it is juvenile and I act very holier-than-thou when people break out their poop jokes in front of me.

Oh, and WTF?!?!? This just makes me angry. Ignorant assholes.

I decided it's childish and teen-like to have a crush on Johnny (that'll be Mr. Depp to you) so I have matured. It's all about Matthew MacFadyen now.
Is it me, or does Paula Abdul clap her hands like a goddam seal? I think she is a seal; I found photo evidence. [ps, It's sea lions that clap. not seals, but the word seal is just much funnier]

I sing in the car, but never the melody. I harmonize with every song that comes on. Such is the plight of the alto.

Every week I think, Oh …. I hope I make it to Friday. If I can just make it to 3 pm, I will be fine. Why do I think I won’t make it? Just what do I think is going to happen? I don’t know. I just need to hang in there, is all. Just keep hangin’ in there.

Feathered Beauty is Everwhere. Only Open Your Eyes!

I spot hawks all the time, daily, but I think it is only because I have trained my eyes to the shape of them. My ears, to the sound of them. Listen for the high-pitched cry, or for crows, with their endless mobbing. Seek the silhouette on the lone high branch; watch for enormous flapping wings of tan, and you will see what I see:

This red-tailed hawk (Buteo jamaicensis) was spotted over a parking lot one day when I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond. I heard the familiar harassing caw of crows, looked, and there she was.

This next spotting was on my own street, this afternoon. She flew directly in front of my car, squirrel dangling from talons (sweet!) and landed on a low branch. I snuck up on her with my car and took these from the window; if I had gotten out, I'm sure she would have flown. They don't like being watched.

Isn't it amazing what you can see when you know how to look?

Hag Lovin'

Love and adoration!

In the form of gifts, from Her Royal Highness the Sea Hag. Lookit!:

There was a bovine card.

How now? Say the kitties.,

Jinx & Tyson

There were tufts of fur.

This makes me feel a little funny in my tum tum.

A bitchin' T-shirt!
Oh wait, I should model it ...


Here's what it will look like when I wear it.


Assorted items!

A sticker I almost put on my car,

and then reconsidered ... pink taco? ...

Hot Lips hot candies!

And a wiggly gross finger pen,

and a pen that says dirty stuff.

A $3 nail file from Vegas!

and some key-chains.

The Prize of Prizes,

a fortune-telling apparatus.

I can't wait to play!

A magnet.

This is the 2nd voodoo gift I have gotten.

What must you think of me?

I plan to use this scapegoat to eliminate

some of my recent angst.

Oh thank you, thank you, LBSeaHag,

for your spontaneous postal love!!!

Why haven't you seen it yet?

Pan's Labyrinth




It's pantastic.

(thanks to Justin for the recommendation)

Q & A. Whatev.

If you could choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be?
That would probably be gluttony. Or violent sexual love. Is that a vice?

If you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be?
The fact that I am answering these questions. Oh, and the disrupted ecological balance caused by overpopulation of certain species. And that there are Osmonds.

Name the cartoon character you identify with the most?
Calvin. Or maybe Opus.

If you could live one day in your life over again which would it be?
Each & everyone one, without changing a thing. OK, that is a lie. There are too many to choose just one. So maybe I'll just make tomorrow the one that makes up for everything.

If you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be?
Probably this guy.

What is your one most important contribution to this world?
That I can reach out and wrap my hand in your guts, and pull.

What is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about?
I can lie backwards on a piano bench and play Bach's Minuet in G with my hands up over my head.

What is your most cherished possession?
Actual object? My treasure chest of photos. Intangible possession? My wit.

What one person influenced your life the most growing up?
My grandfather.

What one word describes you better than any other?
Temperamental.

What is one thing you lost or sold or threw away that you wish you could have back?
Every time you ask me this, I tell you the same thing. It is a secret.

Morning cup meme

Mmmmm, chai!

Frothy, nutmeggy delight.

Like Christmas in my mouth.

I would like to do a documentary post on bloggers enjoying their first sip of whatever they drink in the mornings. I am calling it the Morning Cup Meme. If you would like to participate, please email me a photo of your morning drink, or of you taking your first sip and tell me what you are drinking and any thoughts you may have about it. Creativity and silliness encouraged. Pornography prohibited. Condiments heartily welcomed. Deadline: whenever I feel like it.

Bottoms up!