I Got paid $20 on a dare to sit in a shopping cart outside the grocery store and say, “Push me?” to passers-by. Nobody pushed me, but I heard one mother tell her child that I must be retarded. I guess a 30-something lady sitting in a shopping cart isn’t that common a sight.
When I was 13, as a joke I lunged across the table and speared my sister’s steak onto my plate and started sawing into it. My father did not think it was funny. He told me to take my plate and go eat in the garage “with the rest of the animals." So I sat on the cat food bucket in the garage with my plate, sobbing, “I’m an animal!” while I finished my dinner.
Humor is all in the timing.
I stop reading when people can’t spell; especially when it comes to oft-misspelled homonyms like here-hear, there-they’re-their, your-you’re, its-it’s. If that makes me a snob, so be it.
It’s MOTE-sart, not MOZE-art, you ignorant asshole.
Oopsy, some old ugly feelings resurfaced there for a second.
... oh, and use a goddamn Q-Tip, for chrissake.
Americans are the only people I know of who applaud & cheer at the end of their National Anthem. Shouldn’t we be more solemn?
Why does that chick at Curves not wear a bra while she works out? If they were perky they’d at least be fun to look at, but they’re quite pendulous. Like two bloated divining rods seeking water.
I might have made a mistake when I sold my house. Now I’m shelling out mad scrilla for this apartment and not building equity.
The Dalai Lama is kind of sexy … in an old-man, enlightened kinda way.
I hope the farmer’s market still has good fruit even though it closes in an hour ... let’s go see.