I Got paid $20 on a dare to sit in a shopping cart outside the grocery store and say, “Push me?” to passers-by. Nobody pushed me, but I heard one mother tell her child that I must be retarded. I guess a 30-something lady sitting in a shopping cart isn’t that common a sight.
When I was 13, as a joke I lunged across the table and speared my sister’s steak onto my plate and started sawing into it. My father did not think it was funny. He told me to take my plate and go eat in the garage “with the rest of the animals." So I sat on the cat food bucket in the garage with my plate, sobbing, “I’m an animal!” while I finished my dinner.
Humor is all in the timing.
I stop reading when people can’t spell; especially when it comes to oft-misspelled homonyms like here-hear, there-they’re-their, your-you’re, its-it’s. If that makes me a snob, so be it.
It’s MOTE-sart, not MOZE-art, you ignorant asshole.
Oopsy, some old ugly feelings resurfaced there for a second.
... oh, and use a goddamn Q-Tip, for chrissake.
Americans are the only people I know of who applaud & cheer at the end of their National Anthem. Shouldn’t we be more solemn?
Why does that chick at Curves not wear a bra while she works out? If they were perky they’d at least be fun to look at, but they’re quite pendulous. Like two bloated divining rods seeking water.
I might have made a mistake when I sold my house. Now I’m shelling out mad scrilla for this apartment and not building equity.
The Dalai Lama is kind of sexy … in an old-man, enlightened kinda way.
Caraway seeds are just so nasty. Strangely, I like fennel.
I hope the farmer’s market still has good fruit even though it closes in an hour ... let’s go see.
8 comments:
Now the cart stunt...That I enjoy.
I often like to push my cart and jump on...sure folks look at me and think,"that man is sick".
In reality,they wish they could have some fun in their dreadfully boring lives.
Keep up the good work.
Some people just have no sense of humor at the dinner table!! I mean, after all, you did use your utensils! Animal...sheesh!
You hate oft-misspelled words? Yet you read my blog? I am going to do a post and leave it just as I typed it.
You would hunt me down and kill me.
And who you callin' a homo nym? That is not nice. They are people and have feelings. I will leave now, I am sorry.
great post. I love doing shit for dares/money....
When I was in school in Biloxi, I went to this place called the "Fish Bowl." Among other things, they had several chess boards for people to play on. However, I didn't know anybody, so I held a sign that said "Yes, you must play the chess master!" -Shrugs- it got me a few games, plus and invite to be in the "Outgoing Skit Team."
You never know what you can expect in life!
-Justin
Do they make shopping carts pretty large over there, or are you just petite? I would have thought it quite hard to get out of the cart once you've managed to wedge yourself in.
oh no, I'm still in it. I am stuck.
Post a Comment