July 30, 2005

21 Valuable Lessons I Learned on My Recent Vacation to Florida.

1 What goes up, must come down; and when it comes down, it is 52 minutes too late for your connecting flight.

2 The middle seat is the worst seat in the row.

3 Big People are bigger than they appear at a distance.

4 100 people eating peanuts in a small confined space makes a smell similar to the elephant pen at the zoo.

5 When little children say, “Mommy, I need to poop right now,” they are already pooping at that moment.

6 Cigarette smoking can look very unattractive.

7 Cigarette smoking can look very sexy.

8 Nobody should ever wear a tube top.

9 Gum chewing can be so unattractive that I have changed the way that I chew my gum.

10 After you spend enough time in 90 degree heat and humidity, you get used to it.

11 Good hair days are overrated.

12 If there are jellyfish on the beach, then there are jellyfish in the water.

13 The shuttle looks amazing going up.

14 Alligators mostly mind their own business.

15 Manatees, while nicknamed sea cows, do not in fact “moo” and cannot be tipped by a crowd of drunk men wearing wife-beater shirts. They will just swim away.

16 People should not bother wild animals.

17 I used to think rednecks were funny, because I listened to Jeff Foxworthy and because I had never seen one in its natural habitat. Now I know that real rednecks are scary.

18 Rednecks are not interested in hearing that they are ignorant assholes for bothering the wild animals.

19 There are no hard & fast rules to fistfights, except to use your fists and swing hard.

20 Police cruisers are comfy but smell like B.O.

21 Jail cells are small and smell like pee.


Shanshu said...

Well, THAT sounds like a great trip!! That was a great post, too.

Great things just abound today.

Disgruntled said...


Anonymous said...

Umm... Does that mean that you were arrested in Florida