October 25, 2007

Spinning Girl and Friends in the Kitchen: I Make Such a Better Caesar Salad than Jamwall!

Boy, do I love food. And more than food, I love a competition. Especially when I am competing against someone who is so confident that he is going to win that he doesn't even try. I speak, of course, of my secret lover and arch-nemesis, Jamwall. You may recall that in an earlier post I mentioned that we will be competing in a Caesar Salad Recipe contest. He immediately took the crouton and ran with it, trying to show me up with his crazy bottled dressing antics over at Not really a food blog, is it now?.com. Well, I am here today to prove to Jamwall that not only am I willing to dress up like a cowgirl and stand in those funny positions no matter how bad he makes me feel about myself, but I am also a fabulous cook!

Without further ado, my recipe:

The Perfect Caesar Salad

Jamwall's Submission

Step 1. Open Jamwall's salad mailing and take one look at the lettuce; decide not to eat it.
Step 2. rate Jamwall's salad anyhow:

  • Texture: 1
  • Color: 2
  • Creaminess: 6
  • Fish Smell: 10+
  • Egg Smell: 11
  • Crispiness: 0
  • Croûton taste: 0 (no croûton provided)

Average Score out of 10: 4.29

Step 3: Scout out the Romaine Lettuce at the market.

Step 4. Decide that a Caesar Salad sounds like a lot of work, and head for the salad bar.

Step 5. Hmmm, no Caesar in this salad bar.

Step 6. I guess I'll just put this container back, then.

Step 7. You know what's always yummy at this market though? The soup!!!

Step 8. Mmmm, this one looks delicious.

Step 9. Buy the soup and bring it home.

Step 10. Pour the creamy soup into a pot and bring to a simmer.

Step 11. Yum, will you look at that?!?!?

Step 12. Sample for quality.

Step 13. Hell yeah, I am so gonna win this contest now!

Step 14. Damn, am I a good cook!

Step 15. I think Jamwall will really like this when he tries it.

Step 16. Hmmm, that looks a little moist.

Step 17. I guess it'll be fine.

Step 18. Seal the envelope!

Step 19. Address the envelope to Jamwall and pop it into the mail!

Step 20. And that's how you make a perfect Caesar Salad!!!

If you would like to read any more of my culinary or competitive adventures, please visit:

Making Cocoa with Monkey

Clash of Titans (click the tag below if you really want to read the whole thing; it's not for the faint of heart)


jamwall said...

You're so screwed! The remaining particles of the salad I sent you would have turned to liquid anyway!


jamwall said...

I rule in my pants so so hard!

B.E. Earl said...

Neither rain, nor snow, nor yellow split pea and sweet potato soup shall...oh damn!

Kat said...

You two are completely fucked.
Does the post office actually mail that shit?

J said...

This made me laugh out loud. You're a hoot.

Keyser Soze said...

That's some delicious looking ceasar salad dressing LOL! Haven't seen you in a while. Nice to catch up. I just celebrated one whole year sober so thanks for your support.

-Keyser Soze AKA Andy T 1 3

Scarlet Hip said...

Brilliance! Sheer brilliance! I bow to your genius.

Weary Hag said...

I looked up 'corker' in the dictionary earlier ... yup ... you're picture - right there.

Pope Terry said...

you win, without competition, as a ceaser salad your soup is king

jiggs said...

I hope they don't think your soup is anthrax!