I would never find this stuff if my comments didn't come into my email inbox. Yesterday, when I had word-ver turned off for HNT, some assclown leaves some spam waaaaayyyyy back in this post. Here is the text of the spam:
At March 23, 2006 7:23 AM, mike said...
Hey!! Very nice blog :0) I just got inside from washing and waxing my truck. It is my baby. Took me 2 hours though. So I settled down into my basement and started doing some web surfing. Anyways I am in the process of grabbing my masters degree and have spent the last 6 months researching suited poker chips. In the midst of my surfing I landed smack dab in the middle of your blog. I hope you do not think I am intruding but I must say it is great blog. Even though your blog is way off base from suited poker chips I found myself cruising through your blog archives for the last half hour :0) You have some nice blogging friends. Anyways, I need to get back to my mission. I wrote down your url and feel free to visit me here at http://www.the-poker-outlet-sucks-sow-teats.com/. I am so busy so I can only update my site monthly. Keep up the great work.
Hey!! Very nice blog :0) I just got inside from washing and waxing my truck. It is my baby. Took me 2 hours though. So I settled down into my basement and started doing some web surfing. Anyways I am in the process of grabbing my masters degree and have spent the last 6 months researching suited poker chips. In the midst of my surfing I landed smack dab in the middle of your blog. I hope you do not think I am intruding but I must say it is great blog. Even though your blog is way off base from suited poker chips I found myself cruising through your blog archives for the last half hour :0) You have some nice blogging friends. Anyways, I need to get back to my mission. I wrote down your url and feel free to visit me here at http://www.the-poker-outlet-sucks-sow-teats.com/. I am so busy so I can only update my site monthly. Keep up the great work.
I have several issues with (& comments about) this spam. Besides the obvious, that it is littering MY blog with his stupid poker crap.
- Your truck is your baby? Washing & waxing it is your major activity in life? You obviously have PDS (penis of diminutive size), or you would get a real hobby, like physics or rugby.
- You web-surf in your basement?!? How much kiddie porn do you actually have on your hard drive? Is it because your mom is upstairs watching Ellen reruns and you don't want to disturb her? Is it because you want to keep an eye on your death's-head moths to make sure they don't escape to the outside world?
- Anyways? Anyways?!?!? What are you, 6 and three-quarters?!? Next you'll tell me that I'm not the boss of you.
- Grabbing your master's degree? Yeah, that's the terminology we use in post-graduate studies. Did I mention I yanked a second master's a few years ago, and will one day pluck a PhD? Fuckin' retard.
- 6 months researching suited poker chips? Ummm, yeah.
- You landed smack dab in the middle of MY blog researching suited poker chips? Glad it led you to my heartfelt post about combating my little fascination with alcohol. Since I have never mentioned poker on my blog, maybe it was me saying I "FLUSHed" all my old booze down the toilet that led you here. Welcome, scumbag!
- Emoticons do not have noses. Please use :) , not :0) in any future correspondence with me.
- Yes, I do have nice blogging friends!
BabyJewels once had a great post in which people wrote fake spam in her comment thread. If you feel inspired, I'd love to see what you come up with! Otherwise, just tell me what you think of the asshat. But please remember: he is a human being. With feelings. Which means he can be slowly tortured and feel each & every sensation on his screaming flesh.
27 comments:
Spam comments make me want to tear my own face off and throw it at somebody.
A few months ago I had a guy spamming me every single day for weeks. I took his email address and signed him up for every gay porn site I could find. I then went to a sex chat site and left messages all over the message boards saying, "I'm lonely and have plenty of money to share, please email me. I'll do anything you want."
Don't fuck with me man!
I keep getting casinos spamming on my writing blog. They almost always say, somewhere, "You have a great blog." This is code for, "I am an asshat spammer with nothing of worth to offer the world. Please delete me as soon as possible."
You can also tell from some of the spam that it is software generated - the lack of a coherent sentence is usually a clue. Also the fact that what they are commenting has nothing at all to do with what you posted.
"It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again".
I loved that guy!
What a great blog you have!
I was just surfing and looking for blogs written by intelligent, sexy people.
Feel free to check out my site where we sell teddy bears dressed as other things...
I am too fuckin' lazy to think up my own fake spam. So I stole this from that other chick.
the part about goat testicles really got my attention.
Spam is bad :( <---see, no nose.
Wow! You have a great blog here! I'll be sure to come by again in the very near future! If you want, you should come to my blog about Slicing Children Into Little Bits and Then Feeding the Wee Bits to My Turtle, Snappy.
I read that you're a teacher who goes by the name of Muthana, and I think you would be really interested in my blog! Thanks!!
(See, I'm not really any good at this, am I?)
Comment spam seems even worse than the stuff that comes into your inbox. Whereas we've learned to accept junk mail in our work and home inboxes, someone spamming your blog feels a little like someone shitting at the bottom of the slide at your playground.
Holy hell, I found that hilarious!! I don't know why, but the more I read this bullshit spam, the more I wish I had them on my comments, again.
Maybe I'll take of word verify and let the good times roll.
"grabbing my master's"....classic.
I love coming over here! You always make me laugh. I totally wish we could hang out, drink a few drinks and laugh until our stomachs hurt!
Word verification really cuts down on the spam, but sometimes they are so long its like typing another comment.
I do miss the spammers I would get trying to get me to take pity on them.
"I'm trying to make extra money to (insert story here, popular versions seemed to be saving a house from foreclosure, or medical bills) so please check out my blog about erectile dysfunction /gambling/diet pills"
By the way, Spinning Girl I forgot to say thank you for adding me to your daily pile.
That ROCKS so hard, it should be illegal.
I'm doing a happy dance right now, but you can't see it because you're not here.
Nice site. ;-) LOL
I was just looking around and I will surely bookmark you.
dumb girls who like to spawn with weaselsdumb girls who like to spawn with aliensdumb girls who like to spread stds and waste valuable resources like air and oh, maybe skin
He's not the real problem. It's the 0.00001% of people out there idiotic enough to buy from spammers that need to be buried alive. They wouldn't do this crap if it didn't work.
Nice dissection of his post, though.
I agree with Shanshu. That is some great content, all primed for quality making fun of!
Plus, I am as word-ver challenged as a legless kid on a bicycle. Just now it was "gemxhfu." See the FU? It's fucking taunting me!
I was just surfing the web and I found your great blog. I have been reading all of your old entries and compiling a dossier on you.
Conveniently, I am also the Minister of the Exchequer for the Country of Nigeria. I have a lot of money that I would like to transfer to you as payment for all the enjoyment your blog has bring to me.
If you are able to send me your account numbers immediately, I will set up the wire transfers. Because my family is held hostage, please don't tell anyone about this even though I am posting about it on the public internets.
When I wrote my first flash fiction Friday thingy about my toe-hair, I got a spam right away for Laser Hair removal. I saved that one.
Ya know, in case I ever want to get rid of my toe hair.
Greatings fellow blogger! I found you're blog by clicking the "next' blog button on Blogger. You're blog is very insitful, hillarious and/or informative. Youve cirtainly perked my couriosity.
I can see that you are intelligant. I'm as also. So I thouht you would be intestered in what I have to say. Come visit my blog #1 or my blog #2. These are very important to me and I hope you become my visitor.
One last thing, I will be visiting your country next month in Los Angeles for business. If you are a ladie or any of your readers are ladies would like to meet me there I will be happy for to take you on a date. The more better for us, no? :-)
Maybe that wasn't a nose. It was a shocked mouth and a double chin.
LMAO! Who could top what you just wrote, Spin? First time I've laughed out loud all day.
those poor emoticons ... no noses ?
Hi! Youve got a great blog here. I bookmarked you several months ago and have been lurking ever since. Speaking of 'lurking' you should check out my blog 'ANDYS_ANAL_WART_REMEDIES.COM'im sure you and your readers would find it very interesting and good clean reading. stop by and dig in when you get a chance.
see you around, Andy ;p
Looking Busy wants to meet you! Spin has a date...Spin has a date...
no. i am too refined to laugh. no, you will not tickle these absurd noises from this body.
and yet you have.
I'm waiting for the day when there is a spam comment actually promoting Spam.
Funny post. With the mention of the moths it brings this to mind: "...it puts the lotion in the basket and does as it is told."
Need I say more.
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