April 23, 2007

Dine with me.

It's leftovers; that OK with you, sugar?

Feast One Hundred & Forty

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?
Are you freaking kidding me? Like I have a favorite kind. Let's list all the breads that have rocked my world: sourdough, my grandmother's sourdough rye from Estonia; whole wheat rolls, straight from the oven. How about a nice crusty white loaf, fresh-baked and doused in butter? Mmm, a rosemary loaf with olive oil. Naan. Pillsbury flaky dinner rolls. Criossants! Wait, I'm starting to realize why I tend to gain weight. Mmm, bread. Anything without caraway seeds in it never stands a chance.

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
I buy new pillows rather often, like once a year. I recently bought some on sale and I was very sorry. They were so soft they gave me a three-day neck ache. Fuck you, Company Store! Fuck you, and Amy Campbell too! Foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
Lately, not so many. In my heavy blogging periods I could easily sit online for 3 hours. I don't really "surf"; I just read blogs. Lately, it's about 30 minutes and then I can't sit anymore. It is too nice out!

Main Course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
104. I have this really cool fever-hallucination where the room keeps getting bigger and bigger, then smaller & smaller. That time, it was like Alice in Wonderland. The fluctuations were rapid and gigantic-miniscule-gigantic-miniscule. There were silver threads hanging from the ceiling. I've been trying to recapture that feeling ever since, but all I do is throw up.

Dessert
Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________.

1) Think about you / squirt ketchup down my pants.

2) Go to the bank / sometimes flash the teller at the drive-thru

3) chew gum / often suddenly choke on my own saliva

4) start my summer vacation / laugh until I cry

5) grow old / want to feel as young as I do now

That last one was fun ... you try!!!

11 comments:

danny said...

can it be all of the above? well, except for the bank one. I work at a bank, I can't flash tellers, but I do flash baristas...does that count?

Edge said...

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?

Ya know. I love French bread, but if that wasn't available I would do a rye or pumpernickel.


Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?

I bought a feather pillow because I liked my wife's so much. Before that, it had been like 15 years?

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?

Since I'm a web admin/developer I spend a lot of time. At least 6 hours a day.


Main Course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?

7? Is that an acceptable answer?



Dessert
Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________.

1) Get on the internet, I make the keyboard sticky
2) Go to the doctor, poop my pants
3) Watch a movie, only like to eat Jordan Almonds and rock candy
4) get a paycheck, want to spend it right away
5) think about old girlfriends, wonder what they are doing now

Lee Ann said...

looks delicious

jamwall said...

Obviously, it would be the first answer.

I Think about you / squirt ketchup down my pants.

jiggs said...

When I bacon and boobies, I suddenly feel moist and satisfied.

FRITZ said...

"Choke on my own saliva"--Fritz relates ALL TOO WELL.

I like this dinner and question period. I also like true sourdough. And now that I work at a Jewish agency, I feel compelled to write that I also love challah, though I actually have not eaten any.

In answer to your question: It is with great pleasure that I tell you I am going to be doing some character development on "Symphony" and will be submitting it to some different rags.

With high hopes, of course.

I love you so much, I croon for you daily.

DaMasta said...

Ooo! I say use the poison pen to tell The Company store how you *really* feel about their pillows. And then tell them how they mentally traumatized you by making you think of Amy Campbell.

FUCK YOU, AMY CAMPBELL!

B.E. Earl said...

Choosing a favorite bread would be like choosing a favorite orgasm.

I'll take them all, please.

wv: mydig (neat!)

DaMasta said...

I def have favorite orgasms.

brookelina said...

That line about the ketchup...it made me spit diet coke through my nose.

Thank you.

tuuna taco said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, your desserts are friggin hilarious.

thanks!