So it's colder than a witch's tit out there--I actually had to wear a hat today! For the first time since last winter! Luckily, it is an especially fabu piece of knit-on-the-Fritz, so I felt extra purty.
Speaking of gifts, a most wonderful package arrived in the mail yesterday, from the Long Beach Sea Hag. There are so many delights within, that I must write a whole separate post about it, and as soon as my camera and my ass thaw out, I will do this. There are tufts of fur. (That's what we in the biz call a teaser)
I do believe I was a very cute child.
Quote of the day: A student told me I looked different today. I said, "Do I look tired and fat? 'Cause that's how I feel." This scored major laugh points, and we are now bonded forever. She'll have to make room though, because all my teats are full with the other 95 needy souls who are sucking me dry.
I love my job! You too can be a teacher, and fill young minds with your neuroses! I'd like to welcome Miss Tits to the ranks -- please do congratulate her.
Where is Monkey? Do you think someone forgot to set his alarm? Do you think he has enough nuts and berries to sustain him through these cold cold days? Do you think his cubs have been born, and have they learned to suckle?
Today I made an enemy at the grocery store. (I say this as if it were a rare occurrence). This lady was behind me, running me down with her cart, and I kept looking over my shoulder at her cart, and I finally stopped and moved over and let her pass. She looked at me as if I had just had a gastrointestinal blowout in church, and said, "Sor-REE!" with this gigantic sarcastic eyebrow. But you see, ever since Twirling Girl rammed my Achilles Tendon with a cart (circa 1975), I cannot have a grocery cart that close behind me. So it wasn't you, per se, whorebag. It was your whoring tendon-seeking cart and its warp speed that irked me.
Speaking of enemies, should I feel guilty about the homeless guy I pass every day standing at my exit off the interstate, holding a sign and staring into the distance as car after car passes him by? What would you do in this situation?
Lastly, I feel that my dad's chili is really the perfect food, and if I could only eat one food every day for the rest of my life, this would be it. Yum.
Speaking of gifts, a most wonderful package arrived in the mail yesterday, from the Long Beach Sea Hag. There are so many delights within, that I must write a whole separate post about it, and as soon as my camera and my ass thaw out, I will do this. There are tufts of fur. (That's what we in the biz call a teaser)
I do believe I was a very cute child.
Quote of the day: A student told me I looked different today. I said, "Do I look tired and fat? 'Cause that's how I feel." This scored major laugh points, and we are now bonded forever. She'll have to make room though, because all my teats are full with the other 95 needy souls who are sucking me dry.
I love my job! You too can be a teacher, and fill young minds with your neuroses! I'd like to welcome Miss Tits to the ranks -- please do congratulate her.
Where is Monkey? Do you think someone forgot to set his alarm? Do you think he has enough nuts and berries to sustain him through these cold cold days? Do you think his cubs have been born, and have they learned to suckle?
Today I made an enemy at the grocery store. (I say this as if it were a rare occurrence). This lady was behind me, running me down with her cart, and I kept looking over my shoulder at her cart, and I finally stopped and moved over and let her pass. She looked at me as if I had just had a gastrointestinal blowout in church, and said, "Sor-REE!" with this gigantic sarcastic eyebrow. But you see, ever since Twirling Girl rammed my Achilles Tendon with a cart (circa 1975), I cannot have a grocery cart that close behind me. So it wasn't you, per se, whorebag. It was your whoring tendon-seeking cart and its warp speed that irked me.
Speaking of enemies, should I feel guilty about the homeless guy I pass every day standing at my exit off the interstate, holding a sign and staring into the distance as car after car passes him by? What would you do in this situation?
Lastly, I feel that my dad's chili is really the perfect food, and if I could only eat one food every day for the rest of my life, this would be it. Yum.
14 comments:
You should have parked your cart diagonally and deliberately looked at every canned good in the aisle.
Did you just drink an entire pot of coffee? That was a highly-caffeinated post.
I'm not sure which topic to comment on. How about shopping carts? I like to make vroom-vroom noises when I push a shopping cart. And do wheelies. I hope that doesn't traumatize anyone with a shopping cart phobia such as yours.
I forgot to include a little banana tree for that monkey fella...
I owe you for the chili from last year. you are my hero.
I do not get that...what does "colder than a witche's tit" even mean? My hubby uses that all the time & will not explain it...can you?
MMMM....chili...yum...you're right...a perfect food.
Grocery whores - hate em! Next time you should politely step aside and then follow her, 2 inches away from her ankles, through out the entire store.
Following my advice may or may not get you into fist fights. I will not be held accountable for your jail time, but you can sit next to me on the cell bench where we will compare tats and wrap sheets.
You were a cute kid, indeed.
That just might be the best post ever. Thank you.
I miss Monkey, too.
Let's make out.
Oh dear me. You'd better keep warm. Jane is very good at keeping others warm; by nature, she's a warm snuggler (with heavy affection for you, I might add).
SUCKLE! I miss Monkey.
Well, what's with people who tailgate at grocery stores? I'm not a fan of that. But I am most certainly not a fan of sor-REEs. Those are the worst.
Hooray for teachers!
anytime i get off the freeway exit on the way to my parents house, there's is always some homeless dude with a sign. its a different guy each time.
i'm beginning to wonder if all the homeless men get together and schedule their time on that corner.
"jerry, you're holding the sign from 9am-3:30pm, dick you've got the 3:30pm-midnight shift, but we'll give you an hour listerine guzzling break at 6ish."
i'm not afraid of grocery carts, but i'm terrified of conveyor belts.
i can be found at the local grocery store screaming "NOOOOOOO CONVEYOR BELTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i worship the very region that you trod upon SG. for this reason, i worship the entire eastern seaboard.
you were an immensely adorable child.
I just fast-forwarded through your post and here's how it looked:
colder than a witches tit
I do believe I was very cute
quote of the day
I love my job!
Where is monkey!
I made an enemy
Speaking of enemies...
Dad's chili
I'd give him some chili.
Also? I bring people with me to the store for the soul purpose of never having to push a shopping cart myself. I looooathe it.
Titillating...
SOR-ee is something your students say, not adults.
also, have you seen that you are better than kottke.org? he is only today posting about the lowercase L blog. you are ahead of your time.
We have homeless guys at the exit near my office too.
Some of my co-workers complain and tell stories about news reporters who followed them home to find nice cars and houses.
Still, I figure not all of them are crooks. Some of them might actually need help.
If I'm in the right place, and I'm in the right frame of mind, I'll give them some money, or a bottle of water, or something.
I figure it's their faults if they're scam artists, not mine.
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