This series of posts, entitled School of Life, is intended to highlight some of the experiences I have had in my teaching career, for which my schooling did not prepare me. Many of the stories & events you will encounter in this series may seem too enormously strange to be true, but I assure you that they are all true, and I lived them all.
You know how things happen sometimes? Things of the body? Oh, what am I talking about ... fluids, gases, impulses, injuries? Stuff like that. Things you don't really want to happen in front of people. In my opinion, these types of things are especially bad when you are surrounded by hundreds of adolescents. The possibilities for bathroom-wall folded-note lockerside gossip are endless in middle school. I just don't want to be one of those teachers that there's a story about in future years, like my high school teacher who had an epileptic seizure in front of her class, or the teacher who meant to squeeze out a toot and ended up shitting his pants. True stories, according to stall 3 of the 2nd floor girls' room.
Some things I have tried to avoid, like the way I refuse to wear tan pants because I never want to accidentally have camel-colored camel toes. (Don't ever search that term at work, OK?) I wear a tank top under my blouse in case I lose a button. But some things have happened.
I have lived to tell. And now, you will know.
When I was teaching high school chemistry, a female student and I had to pass each other across a narrow space. As we passed chest-to-chest, the peaks of our breasts touched. There was no way to pretend it didn't happen. So I just said "ewwwwww" and did a full body shudder, and she laughed, and we never mentioned it again. At least, not to each other. ooh! I almost forgot the boy who did a face-plant into my left tit, running down the hall. He rounded a corner, and there was a soft cushion right at eye level. Oh. My. G.
Once, I completely shredded a pair of panty hose so badly that I had to remove them. Under my long flowing skirt, I was completely commando from 9 AM on. As exciting as this may sound, I was pretty paranoid all day and stayed away from drafty places.
There have been times I have had to use the toilet so badly that I have feared having some sort of accident. You can't just leave a room full of 13-year-olds unattended.
Ever use a public restroom with students in stalls on either side? Not fun. How about the teacher using the bathroom on the Boston Trip tour bus? Not cool.
I've told this one before, but ... 10 years ago, I was teaching high school and sharing a room with a woman who was in charge of the Senior Homecoming Float. Hence I thought nothing of it when I saw a scrap of fabric lying in the middle of the floor. After the students had gone, I picked it up and discovered, Holy Crap, this is underwear. Holy Crap, this is my underwear. I had had a pair of undies stuck inside my pants leg from a previous wearing, that had worked their way out onto the floor of my classroom of sophomores. To this day I wonder at what point they were hanging, hermit-crab-like, half in/half out of my pants leg.
The list goes on and on, more so when I start adding everyone else's stories I know. The teacher whose thong was hanging out the back of her pants when she sat at her computer. The PE teacher who broke his fly and wore a pair of girls' sweats from the locker room until he could go home and change. The foreign language teacher who called his whole department because he dreamed he had a snow day. Not a bodily thing, per se, but still mortifying! And I'm not even touching the stuff we hear on the news.
What's the most mortifying thing that ever happened to you at work?
Some things I have tried to avoid, like the way I refuse to wear tan pants because I never want to accidentally have camel-colored camel toes. (Don't ever search that term at work, OK?) I wear a tank top under my blouse in case I lose a button. But some things have happened.
I have lived to tell. And now, you will know.
When I was teaching high school chemistry, a female student and I had to pass each other across a narrow space. As we passed chest-to-chest, the peaks of our breasts touched. There was no way to pretend it didn't happen. So I just said "ewwwwww" and did a full body shudder, and she laughed, and we never mentioned it again. At least, not to each other. ooh! I almost forgot the boy who did a face-plant into my left tit, running down the hall. He rounded a corner, and there was a soft cushion right at eye level. Oh. My. G.
Once, I completely shredded a pair of panty hose so badly that I had to remove them. Under my long flowing skirt, I was completely commando from 9 AM on. As exciting as this may sound, I was pretty paranoid all day and stayed away from drafty places.
There have been times I have had to use the toilet so badly that I have feared having some sort of accident. You can't just leave a room full of 13-year-olds unattended.
Ever use a public restroom with students in stalls on either side? Not fun. How about the teacher using the bathroom on the Boston Trip tour bus? Not cool.
I've told this one before, but ... 10 years ago, I was teaching high school and sharing a room with a woman who was in charge of the Senior Homecoming Float. Hence I thought nothing of it when I saw a scrap of fabric lying in the middle of the floor. After the students had gone, I picked it up and discovered, Holy Crap, this is underwear. Holy Crap, this is my underwear. I had had a pair of undies stuck inside my pants leg from a previous wearing, that had worked their way out onto the floor of my classroom of sophomores. To this day I wonder at what point they were hanging, hermit-crab-like, half in/half out of my pants leg.
The list goes on and on, more so when I start adding everyone else's stories I know. The teacher whose thong was hanging out the back of her pants when she sat at her computer. The PE teacher who broke his fly and wore a pair of girls' sweats from the locker room until he could go home and change. The foreign language teacher who called his whole department because he dreamed he had a snow day. Not a bodily thing, per se, but still mortifying! And I'm not even touching the stuff we hear on the news.
What's the most mortifying thing that ever happened to you at work?
4 comments:
not mortifying as such, more just weird really, i used to work in a shop above which was a tanning place, you know, where you go to get sun-tanned, as opposed to the thing that happens to leather. Every now and again i'd go up there to chat with the people who worked there, soooo anyhow one day i'm up having a chat when this man walks in for a tan using one of those walk in machines. He seems abit 'jumpy' but apparently he's never used one of the machines before so we figure thats it. Of course he gets in the machine, turns it up too high and faints! Now he was quite a big man so it takes the both of us to lift him out, sit/prop him down and protect his modesty as he's completely naked, as you would obviously need to be to get an all over tan. We get him a drink as he comes round, bless him , and once he's recovered he goes to use the toilet, and then he's off, all red and embarrassed.
Here's the weird bit, about 5 minutes later someone else uses the toilet and it won't flush properly, so we get the lid of the cistern ( the bit that fills with water above the seat ) and there's a pair of underpants in the cistern! i kid you not, the fainting guy had put his pants in the cistern! to this day i have no idea why, they wern't dirty, just a normal pair of white underpants, in a place they really shouldn't of been.....
god, sorry thats a long comment......
Firstly, I love your series work.
Secondly, I love this post.
Thirdly, my most embarrassing at work moment?
Ok.
This happened when I was a cashier.
A blind woman asked me to fill in the amount on a check she owed for her purchase - everything else was already filled out.
When I was done printing her totals, I asked if I could see her driver's license. She said "WHAT??" So I asked her again.
It. Was. Mortifying.
hmmmm, probably walking into the computer room where i used to work, and because i felt like being an idiot, started to belt out Whitney's "Hero".
Halfway thru the 2nd chorus i turn to see my boss comming out of the hidden side room, with about 10 other executives. Apparently he was giving them a walkthru of our computer room, and i ended up looking like the world's biggest asshat.
Ahhhh!! The panties on the floor story is awesome. I love you. You would be the best teacher, ever.
Hmmm. Embarrassing at work. Hmmm.
I think there's too many, really, to go into detail. Suffice it to say: I have made myself look like such a fool in the past that I generally get three balls and a stupid hat as soon as I start a job, just to give myself an excuse for tripping in the hallway, breaking the copier, hanging up on people.
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