Spinning Girl

It's happening again!

2011-12-03T23:41:00.000-05:00

Flaccid puddles of silk lie dormant all day, only to awaken

at dusk into gigantic, illuminated Christmas shapes.

Kill them with fiiiiiiiire!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's Pictionary word: POVERTY

2011-08-02T17:43:00.000-05:00

Nicely done, Jamwall.

Living with Jamwall is like this:

2011-07-21T19:17:00.000-05:00

[excerpt from a conversation after watching The Kids are All Right, July 2011]

SG: Am I the bulldyke in our relationship?

J: Ummm ... what would that make me?

SG: You're the gay man.

J: umm ... ::crickets::

SG: I'm kidding! I'm just kidding, honey. Sometimes you act faggy.

J: ::crickets:: (makes a face)

SG: Fags would be offended that you are offended by that.

--THE END--

Disclaimer: I would like to alert my gay followers that I love everything about you and only use the word "fag" for comic relief here. I hope that I do not offend. Having dry-humped a few female cousins and fantasized about a friend's boobs, I consider within my bicurious right to reclaim these formerly offensive terms for ourselves!

Genius Level: What Kind of Bird is Big Bird?

2011-07-11T08:06:00.001-05:00

Human Zoo, revisited

2011-06-14T18:08:00.000-05:00

Sweet, my Human Zoo days have resurfaced again, this time at cracked.com.

The interwebs are magical!!!

Top Ten (+) Movies that would not translate well into "ON ICE!" adaptations:

2011-02-27T16:37:00.001-05:00

The Crying Game
No Country for Old Men
300
Saw
The Village
Silence of the Lambs
The Ring
The Blue Lagoon
120 Days of Sodom
The Shining
The Fly
Stephen Hawking's Universe in a Nutshell
The Elephant Man
Platoon
The Exorcist
Schindler's List
Chariots of Fire

Thank you to my friend Stefan for this!

Fun like this is reason #552 why I Love my Job:

2011-02-10T17:50:00.001-05:00

Physics-related Email from Student:
Hello Ms. SG! This is probably going to sound very odd but as I was doing my homework I had a really odd question. For the sake of the question let's just say people are able to move things with their minds. Because you could move things with a force (brain) and a distance (meters and whatnot), would that technically be work if the object was moving in a plausible situation? If so, how would you measure said force?

Again I realize that this has nothing to do with the quiz tomorrow, but I was studying and I couldn't get that question out of my head. If you could reply back it would be highly appreciated. Thank you so much! ~Crissy

My reply:
Hi Crissy, great question! I know the answer, and I am going to send it to your pencil with my mind. Please lay a pencil on a sheet of paper in front of you. I will send the answer to your pencil and the pencil will write my reply onto the paper. Watch for it ... it'll go slowly, so you might not have the full reply until 2-3 AM. Make sure you watch the pencil the entire time because if you leave the room or even take your eyes off of it, the pencil will erase what it has written and start over. :) Ms SG

me want waffle shoes.

2011-01-12T11:25:00.002-05:00

This makes me laugh every time.

2011-01-12T11:17:00.002-05:00

Discuss.

2010-11-06T12:44:00.000-05:00

Custom dictionaries are a window to the soul.

2010-11-06T12:28:00.005-05:00

I just happened to open my Outlook custom dictionary (all the words that I have told Outlook to ignore as spelling errors in my emails) ... reading it provides a snapshot of my life. What do these words tell you??? See here:

Acromegaly
AmEx
Annaeus
Anyhoo
Arwen
Augusten
Authorized
Aveda
aerobed
ain't
argh
arse
arugula
asanas
BadGod
Beurre
Blogland
Blograma
Brightons
Broadwing
Buteo
babycakes
babydom
bachelorette
bitchin'
bleah
blog
blogged
blogger
blogger's
bloggers
blogging
blogland
blogs
blogspot
bridezilla
bruschetta
Calzone
Carmina
Celine
Chai
Chocopologie
Cialis
Cinco
Cingular
Classwork
Clinique
Coulis
Crabcake
Creamsicle
Customer
capella
chai
chimenea
chimichurri
chrissake
codon
codons
concealer
copaxone
crabcake
cunny
cybersex
Denethor
Dep
Detangler
Dion
depuffer
Eesti
Eomer
Ernesaks
Ernesaks's
Esto
Estos
effing
elvish
ema
eVite
evite
exfoliant
eyeshadow
eyeshadows
eyesicles
Fabulosity
Faramir
Foodies
Fungoid
fabu
facebook
fam
fave
faves
foodie
from
fucktards
fyi
Google
Googled
girlypals
glammed
globalized
gonna
google
gyno
Hawkwatch
HNT
HNT's
Hoisin
HP
hairband
hallowe'en
hee
hiney
hoisin
hoo
hottie
idk
iPod
isa
iTunes
Jamwall
Jebus
Jiggs
Juku
ja
jamaicensis
jamwall
jiggly
K'NEX
Kalli
Kaplansky
Kaya
Keli
kalli
kegel
kinda
Levitra
Limoges
Limoncello
LiveUpdate
Lyme
loofah
lovah
luv
Monadnock
MySpace
Mythbusters
majorly
mani
marykay
mattifier
microderm
microdermabrasion
mk
motherfucking
NaBloPoMo
Nauset
Neti
Newtons
nitty
noonish
notecards
OCD
Ogontz
Osgiliath
officiant
omg
orcs
Panera
PayPal
PeaPod
Percocet
Pigpile
Poconos
Purgatorian
paraben
parabens
pdf
pedi
pertussis
perv
pic
pics
piercings
piggie
pigpile
placecards
poo
ps
Remoulade
Rohan
Russification
revitalizer
ringbearer
rosacea
Sagan
Sagan's
Seussical
Silvermine
Soylent
SpEd
Spinnerina
shabang
sherpa
sitemeters
skank
skanky
slutty
snopes
snowday
soonish
soundscape
spritz
spritzer
starbucks
sumbitch
TeacherWeb
Tere
TimeWise
Timewise
Tolkien
Tolkien's
Tori
Trisomy
Tuyet
Tysabri
tbdoa
tere
texting
thine
titties
toked
ttys
turd
UConn
ummm
undies
Vivaldi
vajayjay
veg
venti
vocab
Waah
Wait'll
Westy
Whatcha
Wii
Wikipedia
Willcocks
waah
webcam
wedgie
whorebag
whup
xoxo
xoxoxo
Yay
YouTube
ya
yay
Zadok

I am seeing some definite themes here. Some of the themes are:

ESTONIAN (hello, mother, father)
BLOGGING
SEX
COFFEE
FINE FOODS
TEACHING
SKIN CARE
KINK
ART
MUSIC
JAMWALL
TOLKIEN
PEOPLE SUCK
BIRDS OF PREY
SELF-PAMPERING

What themes do you see?

What does your custom dictionary tell about YOU?

Dream Analysis

2010-09-19T09:15:00.002-05:00

I dreamed my living room mantle held a genie in a bottle that you could control with a dimmer switch on the wall.

Unconscious Mutterings

2010-09-19T09:06:00.002-05:00

Week 399

Mustache ::
Person ::
Restore ::
Discretion ::
Lamp ::
Pillow cover ::
Arousal ::
Seattle ::
ATM ::
Custard ::

Cast your vote:

2010-09-11T16:53:00.001-05:00

Mom & Baby Snuggie:

Click Here to Sound Off

Results

WTF, yo.

2010-09-11T16:34:00.000-05:00

Discuss.

Nostalgika

2010-09-02T05:46:00.000-05:00

I distinctly remember singing "What's-a matter you? Hey! Gotta no respect. What-a you t'ink you do? Why you look-a so sad?It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place. Ah, shaddap-a you face!" and being called in from recess to sit on a bench. Thanks a lot, Joe Dolce.

Doubleyou Tee Eff.

2010-08-27T18:32:00.000-05:00

This was on someone's desk that Jamwall visited today for his job. No further words required:

Unconscious Mutterings 395

2010-08-24T22:47:00.000-05:00

Week 395

Leads ::
Concierge ::
Thousand ::
Engines ::
Argument ::
2006 ::
Knot ::
Fuck ::
Handsome ::
Ridge ::

I have earworms.

2010-08-24T09:52:00.003-05:00

I sort of promised myself and a friend that I'd blog every day, regardless of how I am feeling or how blocked I am. I think I have to write every day to discover things to write about. Today I am going to write about earworms.

Dictionary.com:

Main Entry:	earworm
Part of Speech:	n
Definition:	a song or tune that gets stuck in one's mind and repeats as if on a tape; also written ear-worm,ear worm; also called cognitive itch, sticky tune
Example:	The song played in the grocery store became an earworm for her.
Etymology:	German ohrwurm

So, because I share a house with somebody as silly as myself, there is a lot of verbal trash floating around in the air. Between that and choir and the general noise of my head, I have a few tunes & sayings that keep popping into my head and sometimes out my mouth. I really need help planting new worms! Help me!

Here is a sampling of what is going on:

Cruel to be Kind by Nick Lowe
And the Glory of the Lord (Handel, Messiah)
tap, tap, taptaptap, taptaptaptap., Dog Show! (from SNL)
They say love .... don't come eeeaaasyyyyy... (Wes, from the Bachelorette and now Bachelor Pad)
"Totes" (Jamwall's way of saying "totally", picked up from Calzone the Dragon and friends)
In Exclesis Deo from some Christmas carol

As you can see, it is quite noisy. I am especially annoyed by Nick Lowe and Dog Show!

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to plant a few new earworms in my head. Hopefully they will replace the existing ones and not simply compound the cacophony (say that 5x fast!).

Quote of the Day

2010-08-23T15:09:00.003-05:00

Hold my mirror;

I need a penis brownie.

--overheard at a "beauty night" bachelorette party that featured anatomically correct baked goods and party favors.

Such a great book, but ...

2010-08-23T00:00:00.001-05:00

I am loving The Magicians by Lev Grossman except for his description of Estonian as a "crooked, gypsy-like language." Please come up with your own description of Estonian. I am thinking of compiling a list for the letter that he will shortly be receiving from me. I was thinking "lyrical and vowel-rich."

When in doubt, mutter.

2010-08-12T07:35:00.000-05:00

Week 393

Coma ::
Aristotle ::
Pink eye ::
Expensive ::
Dancer ::
Lipstick ::
Buffer ::
Stilettos ::
Booming ::
Rap ::

Wow, I have a blog!

2010-07-03T17:15:00.000-05:00

This was fun, back then.

I wonder if I have it in me to start up again.

Reason #161 Why I Love My Job:

2010-02-01T18:58:00.000-05:00

Jasper was sad that my test didn't have any extra credit

... so he made his own!

Wait, you start blogging again, and you are talking about a LOG?!?

2010-01-31T20:00:00.002-05:00

Jamwall and I have been burning eco-logs from time to time.

He recently picked up this one made from recycled coffee grounds.

I want to pour the smell down my throat!

I suddenly crave biscotti!

I am jittery and jumpy!

This post sucks.

I'm trying to come back. Be gentle.

TWITTERIFFIC

2009-09-20T08:50:00.000-05:00

This guy posts stuff his 78-year-old dad says. it's awesome.

Shit My Dad Says

Some true greatness ... oh, and some wtf.

2009-08-26T19:20:00.000-05:00

Woah. That is not OK.

2009-08-18T20:10:00.000-05:00

I have been squashed.

2009-08-17T12:15:00.001-05:00

I went out to my tomato garden this morning to discover that somebody snuck a humungous zucchini in with my tomatoes. I don't grow squash, nor does it grow on tomato plants to my knowledge. This is clearly a case of excess zucchini pawning-off and I am outraged!

Not really. I'm going to sauté and eat it. But still, who snuck into my BACK YARD THROUGH THE GATE to do this?!!?!

A photo from our wedding:

2009-08-17T11:45:00.000-05:00

As you may recall, I married jamwall. Our photographer was so excellent. Please consider her for your photo needs!

I am going to be weightless!!!

2009-08-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Yes indeed, my people. On Sept. 29th I am flying in the Vomit Comet.

Weightless Flight of Discovery

A to Z, part 2

2009-08-16T08:35:00.003-05:00

[A is for aspirations:]
To be a good teacher.

[B is for beauty:]
The Gregorian Chant on the radio and the hot, strong coffee.

[C is for choices:]
Living in this place.

[D is for doubts:]
Whether I can always be this patient.

[E is for envy:]
People without cellulite.

[F is for favorite food:]
At the moment, fresh tomato and mayonnaise sandwich on fresh bread.

[G is for games:]
Scattergories!!!

[H is for hopes:]
That I will always remember to pause & enjoy.

[I is for If ...]
... I have to see that 6 Flags commercial one more time, I will scream.

[J is for just once...]
... a trip to the moon might be nice.

[K is for kids:]
That could be fun.

[L is for love:]
Found unexpectedly, amazingly, right here in Blogland.

[M is for memory:]
The way the sun blazed and glistened off the frozen branches at sunrise, and I went weak at the knees from the beauty of the sight, so that I had to sit down for the cry.

[N is for never:]
done cocaine & never will.

[O is for overdo:]
melted cheese.

[P is for phobias:]
Spiders. Drowning. Fire. Face eaten by cougar.

[Q is for quotation:]
"I persist on praising not the life I lead, but that which I ought to lead. I follow it at a mighty distance, crawling."
-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[R is for regret:]
That one thing ... lost forever.

[S is for sweets:]
Peanut Butter, Banana, & Honey Sandwich

[T is for thankful:]
for good health.

[U is for understand:]
Chemistry and physics.

[V is for vegetables:]
Edamame, sugar snap peas, summer tomatoes, eggplant, garlic from dad's garden, herbs.

[W is for worst:]
When I am joking and you don't get it.

[X is for excellence:]
Getting you to understand a difficult concept.

[Y is for yearn:]
for cool sand on my feet and the smell of October in the wild, wide ocean.

[Z is for zodiac:]
Scorpiette.

Want pie. .... want. pie.

2009-08-03T19:18:00.002-05:00

Hey California peeps, do you know about Pie Truck? If not, then you should.

Delivery range is Alameda, Berkeley, Oakland, and Central SF.

The pie ingredients are nearly all organic and/or local. There aren’t any fillers or preservatives or corn syrups or things that don’t look like the things they are supposed to look like.

(also on that face place y'all like so much)

The family that Mutters together, stays together.

2009-07-26T09:55:00.000-05:00

Taxman ::

Material ::

Format ::

File cabinet ::

Ignore ::

Super! ::

Fireproof ::

Blockbuster ::

Snooper ::

Good will ::

the calm after the storm

2009-07-22T13:39:00.002-05:00

I wore a bridal crown:

2009-07-21T06:47:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow ...

2009-07-17T10:40:00.002-05:00

I am marrying Jamwall.

We Interrupt this Mania for a Moment of Beauty

2009-07-16T17:25:00.000-05:00

I cleaned my house all day today, and sat to take a break and watch my LOTR DVD. As I did so, I noticed the sunlight lighting my curtain. I have this sheer curtain to separate my bedroom from the living room without shutting the door; it catches the setting sun in a special way. I hung it for this reason. See for yourself! These are pictures I took from my vantage point on the couch. I love my little house.

HI-freaking-LARIOUS

2009-07-01T07:54:00.001-05:00

You shall call me...

2009-06-25T08:48:00.001-05:00

Anniversary

2009-06-19T03:55:00.001-05:00

Dear Stephen King: Happy 9-year anniversary of living through your little tangle with that van.

My new favorite blog

2009-06-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

Homemade Hilarity

Discuss.

2009-06-04T10:37:00.000-05:00

2009-05-30T09:59:00.000-05:00

This is the best thing
I've seen
in a while.

Et tu, The Bachelorette ?!?!?

2009-05-28T00:19:00.004-05:00

I knew my eyes weren't fooling me [though I did have to rewind & pause to be sure...] when Jillian led her suitors on a staged scavenger hunt/chase through LA ... one of the clues was this note, left ever-so-tantalizingly in a tuxedo pocket. YOUR?!?!?!? Come on! I would have thought that a high-IQ show like this 67th show in The Bachelor series would have mastered the Queen's English by now. Guess not.

#329

2009-05-23T10:55:00.001-05:00

Vex ::
Relapse ::
Twinkle ::
Crawls ::
Optimistic moment ::
Cage ::
Superwoman ::
Personal ::
Vapor ::
Grocery store ::

I am a prankster! Part deux.

2009-05-17T18:00:00.002-05:00

You may recall that on a previous occasion I made folders in my colleague's flash drive when he left it lying around. Well, he did it again, so ... I did it again.

Nifty.

2009-05-12T06:02:00.000-05:00

Firekites - AUTUMN STORY - chalk animation from Lucinda Schreiber on Vimeo.

#328

2009-05-10T09:57:00.002-05:00

1. Again ::

2. Shower ::
3. Flirting ::
4. Moving on ::
5. Rachel ::
6. Chips ::
7. Texting ::
8. Feel better ::
9. Cashmere ::
10. Sucked ::

Carvel? Dude? ... we are not fooled.

2009-05-02T17:17:00.005-05:00

Listen here now, Carvel. I'm onto you. Did you really think you could pull off this little stunt? We totally know that Fudgie the Whale and Santa ice cream cakes are pod brothers.

Cookie Puss, Cookie O'Puss, and several cakes of my youth (Hot Air Balloon, Light Bulb, Graduate) were all suspiciously similar in shape. Looks like you cleaned your act up in that department, but no one is fooled by the Fudgie-Santa conspiracy. It takes more than a 90 degree turn and a frosting change to fool this chica.

Reason #876823683 why I love my job:

2009-04-28T16:05:00.001-05:00

Poor Allie was caught chewing gum in school. In lieu of serving hard time, she opted to write gum haiku. A much better choice, don't you agree?

Chewing gum is not
a good plan when you're in school
you might get caught, Whoops!

Oh, PS i am
Chewing gum at this moment
it is very good

Ok now I will
say goodbye because I have
to eat dinner, Peace.

ps ... why the gum-chewing rule? Does anyone care anymore?

Mutter with me.

2009-04-12T11:20:00.000-05:00

Animal ::

Temporary ::

Moan ::

Rapid ::

That’s for me to say ::

City ::

Bumper ::

Eclipse ::

Problematic ::

If? ::

Yankee Candle Scents from the cutting room floor

2009-04-10T20:28:00.009-05:00

Click picture for a super delicious surprise!!!

In the spirit of my Ice Cream Shoppe flavors, my friend Stefan and I were trying to come up with unlikely candle scents. Can you help?

Here's our list so far:

highway diaper
sputum
colonoscopy
tampax
pork ribs
ribbed for your pleasure
town dump
Alabama hot pocket
last night's sheets
food disposal
bad dog!
bad kitty!
goat
llama
Auntie's a close talker
"I'm in trouble."
Ass
Hosni
college dorm
bottle return center
peanuts
burnt hair
low tide
fleet week
fleet enema
Enemy
Sweatsocks
Armpit
Bath water
Anger
Just Kill Me Already
Colostomy
Cleveland Steamer
Hose
Flabber
Chunky
somebody shit in my convertible
Indian food
New Jersey
Toddler
Hot Dog Water
Pretension
Waiting Room
Onion Blossom
Napalm
Ben-Gay
Converse
Lobster
Damp Sweater
Acetonitrile
Black Angus
Despair
Lymph
Asparagus
Exxon
Lawyer
Boys' Locker Room in Between JV and Varsity Games
Wet dog
Monkey drenched in day old wine

Leave your suggestions in the comment box please!

Vacation Meditation

2009-04-08T08:45:00.000-05:00

I'm on this lovely little getaway, which I believe helps me to delve back into my writing brain. This is so much easier to do when I am not faced with the daily tasks of teaching, dinner, laundry, putting out the trash (hope jamwall remembers to do so in my absence ... ::knock knock:: cutie? couldja get on that?) So I've just been going on lovely little walks, and getting massages, and hot-tubbing, and dining. It is so lovely. All sort of thoughts creep in... float along on my stream of consciousness, won't you now?

I use "lovely" over-much in my speech. What a lovely word it is.

I went into this tiny, cluttered rock shop and got sucked into a conversation with the proprietor, who would not let me get a word or an excuse in... it was all about his past teaching career and how strict he was about kids using his equipment and how board of education kids get special treatment; all the stuff I'm trying to get away from. Talking, talking, talkinggggggg. I stayed the requisite polite amount of time and then began inching towards the door. All the while my brain was screaming, get out! get out! oh Goddddd, I'm going to die here. I was imagining my mummified remains being found hundreds of years in the future, one desiccated hand clinging to a coffee cup, the other to a doorknob. I was saved by my cell phone ringing, and I became one of those people, the ones who grab their cell phones and run out of a store. I only to pretended to answer, because I didn't want to talk to that person, either.

I really don't want to talk to anyone, sometimes.

Don't you feel just a tiny bit superior to the disgusting slobs around you when you return your cart to the grocery store paddock instead of leaving it astray in the parking lot? I know I do. My nodding benevolence was not affected in the least (well, perhaps slightly...) by the fact that the only reason why I returned the cart was that the cart lackey was out and about in the parking lot, collecting errant carts, and I wanted him to see just what a good citizen I was. Not like those others.

I'm always fascinated by blue toilet water, and by the alluring shade of green that it turns after I tinkle in it. Not that I ever looked, no no. I'm not disgusting. I'm just speculating. It would be OK if I looked though, wouldn't it?

It's difficult to be truly honest.

There is a little tot screaming so loudly outside that I feel compelled to go to the window and see what is the matter with it. I once heard a horrible story about a baby screaming in its crib and the mother ignoring it, ignoring, ignoring ... and then finally checking, only to discover that the family pet raccoon had eaten the baby's fingers. Horrifying. Now whenever I hear a baby screaming I yell, No, Bandit, no! Down, Bandit! Bad, bad Mr. McStripes!

I'm generally afraid of being partially eaten. I also read a Reader’s Digest Drama in Real Life story about a woman whose face was eaten by a cougar. I believe I have written of this before. Now when I walk in the woods alone, which is seldom (because of said cougar), I find myself touching my cheeks and wondering if my face is tasty. I do have a little bit of extra fat here & there, especially on my tushie, and I think a cougar would prefer that to my face. But you never know. I don't know from cougars. I believe I would much prefer to be swallowed whole, like Jonah. And Pinocchio. Even at age 7 I recognized that Pinocchio couldn't possibly be true. It wasn't the woodenness of the lad that told me; it was the fact that while he was in the whale’s stomach he remained completely intact; even I know that he would be wallowing in acids strong enough to burn a hole in a rug.

Why, when Biology teachers speak of stomach acid (HCl), is it always a rug that gets a hole burned in it?

And why oh why do I feel driven to sniff every little item that I put into the laundry, and then sniff again when I take them out? Why can't I just trust?

It is difficult to let go and just trust. Leap, and the net appears.

It would be delightful to try that, just once. I guess once would be all the chance I get, if it isn't true.

Reason # 43543 why I love my job:

2009-03-26T20:00:00.001-05:00

Every year my students suffer through 2 weeks of standardized testing, known as the CMT. This year I asked them to post their CMT Practice Test with triumph (on the fridge, on a bulletin board, etc.)and send photographic evidence for extra credit. Well, I got some pretty great photos ... but this one by far takes the cake:

BEST CMT PHOTO

Whatever you do...

2009-03-21T20:45:00.001-05:00

do not click this.

Now I've seen it all!

2009-03-21T20:40:00.001-05:00

Star Wars nesting dolls!!!

p.s. buy me these, please.

I can't stop watching this.

2009-03-03T06:55:00.000-05:00

Please use each of the following word verifications in a sentence.

2009-03-02T09:15:00.000-05:00

Now here's a Facebook poll I can really wrap myself around:

2009-03-02T08:55:00.001-05:00

What We Hate Most About Caraway Seeds

Mutter mutter mutter

2009-03-02T08:40:00.000-05:00

Pain ::
Lego ::
Trooper ::
Flicker ::
Character ::
Determined ::
Wing ::
Control ::
Automatic ::
Yeah ::

Do you feel encouraged to turn in your 8th grade baby picture and quote representing your philosophy in life, by viewing this poster?

2009-02-09T18:55:00.003-05:00

Rodney really took a nibble out of things this time.

2009-02-03T20:20:00.001-05:00

Please use the following in a sentence:

2009-02-03T18:10:00.001-05:00

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

2009-02-02T19:45:00.001-05:00

You Are Mac and Cheese

When you are stressed out, you seek safety above everything else.

And nothing is more nourishing than a big warm plate of carbs.

Taking risks takes a toll on you, and you prefer your comfort food to be old fashioned.

You're the type of person who could eat the same meal every night, especially when life is hard.

What Comfort Food Are You?

Super WTF Bowl

2009-02-01T18:00:00.000-05:00

Get thee behind me, Satan.

2009-01-18T00:10:00.003-05:00

Stubby beak. Fish breath. Hungry. Loves a volleyball named Wilson. Delivers dead babies.

2009-01-17T10:45:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when I can't think of anything to write I use tools like "story starters" to get my creative juices flowing ... today I explored this one for grade 4-6 students. I spun the wheels and came up with the following prompt:

List 5 characteristics of an unpopular stork who is shipwrecked on a desert island.

Boy, I'm really stretching it here.

Now you try!

Wow, people. We are really slacking.

2009-01-05T06:30:00.000-05:00

I turn my back for a few minutes, and things like this happen. Really, folks. We need to be more vigilant.

Today I read a sentence that made zero sense to me.

2009-01-05T06:00:00.002-05:00

& this is it:

Siddle wickets put Aussies on top

Oh, OK. I thought maybe I was losing it.

My Sordid and Delicious Love affair: A Timeline

2009-01-02T16:00:00.004-05:00

“I leave blogger for like five minutes and i come back and find u and Jamwall are an item? That is so rad.” – LBseahag, 1/1/09

Many of my regular readers may have noticed that I tend to mention Jamwall rather often on my blog; others have noticed years of electric silliness between us. What many of you may NOT know is that we have been secretly in love for a while now, have shacked up and are shagging like a pair of llamas in an open paddock. Here is a timeline of our evolving fervor:

September 16, 2005: Jamwall's first comment on my blog post about Magnetic Poetry

October 17, 2005: Jamwall does NOT turn up in my Tarot reading, and is consequently vexed.

January 2006: A secret blog-on-the-side opens, where many of us reveal our true selves and tell our life stories.

February 2006: Jamwall posts photos of himself. I spend 5 minutes touching his face on the monitor. I am instantly drawn to his rugged good looks and his maddening chin dimple. I post pictures of myself, and Jamwall later tells me he thought I was so pretty.

October 2006: Jamwall posts a "Blog Avatars Meet for Happy Hour" post that tickles me because I am included.

December 22, 2006: Jamwall offers to spread me on a cracker. A cracker of my own choosing.

December 27, 2006: Jamwall uses the word “spanking” in a blog comment. His bold choice brings our repartee to a whole new level.

January 2007: Jamwall and I begin a back and forth exchange about misusing condiments in ways that sicken our readers and blow through our free texting minutes.

January 27, 2007: I use the phrase “Minnesotan Manwich” in reference to Jamwall, in the famous Hive Mind post.

February 2007: Jamwall guesses my favorite word to be "Gobstopper" in my Stupidest Blog Contest Ever, and wins a prize. He later writes about it on our secret side blog, and I copy the post to my blog. Read it here.

March (?) 2007: Jamwall sends me gifts. I call Jamwall on the phone, and startle him. This begins the first of a few somewhat awkward phone calls.

Early Summer 2007: Jamwall, Calzone, Monkey and I begin to plan a trip to Boston.

August 4 2007: We all meet up in Boston and see each other face to face for the first time.

August 6 2007: Jamwall puts his hand on my knee and I have an epiphany. Later, we smooch.

August-October 2007: Jamwall & I talk every single day on the phone.

October 2007: We go on a 3-day vacation to Cape Cod. Numerous things happen which I will not discuss. Jamwall and I exchange cooking experiments. He makes Caesar salad. I make soup. We mail each other our inventions.

(November 2007 - August 2008): Jamwall visits me in New England numerous times. We go to New York City and he meets my family. He comes to my performance at Carnegie Hall. Somewhere in this time period, we decide we really like each other.

February 2008: I visit Jamwall in Minnesota. I have never been so freaking cold in my entire life. We have a blast. I meet his family.

July 26, 2008: Jamwall's birthday. I write (and post) a long and heartfelt Ode. I visit Jamwall and on a sunlit bench in a beautiful little park, he proposes. I say yes.

September 15, 2008: 3 years after his very first blog comment, Jawmall moves halfway across the country, into my house.

October 2008: We celebrate 1 year together in Cape Cod.

Now: We have mingled our stuff and our habits, are planning a July wedding for this year, and are dwelling in the bliss of the newly-smitten!!! I hope my favorite person can come to the wedding, because he was key in bringing us together. Besides encouraging us to free our minds and end self-censoring (the key to good writing), he gave us a forum in which we first broke the walls of anonymity and discovered that we were soul twins. We are forever grateful that the strange but wonderful world of blogging brought us together!!!

MMM Eat [NOW UPDATED!!!]

2008-12-30T19:20:00.002-05:00

New meats in PURPLE.

In reponse to Jiggs' post about meat, I will now itemize the meats I have eaten.

BIRDS:
Chicken
Turkey
Goose
Duck
Pheasant
Grouse
Cornish Game Hen
Ostrich
Emu

HOOFED MAMMALS (includes cloven hoof)
Beef
Veal
Antelope
Venison
Pork, suckling pig too
Wild Boar
Sheep
Lamb
Goat
Elk
Bison

NON-HOOFED MAMMALS
Rabbit

FISH
Salmon
Bass
Tuna
Perch
Red Snapper
Bluegill (sunfish)
Mackerel
Trout
Pollock
Catfish
Grouper
Carp
Pickerel
Mahi Mahi
Tilapia
Monkfish (and vowed never to eat again after I found out what it looked like)
Swordfish
Eel
Cod
Haddock
Walleye
Butterfish
& others, probably too numerous to mention ...

ARTHROPODS
Lobster
Crayfish
King Crab
Blue Crab
Shrimp

MOLLUSKS
Squid
Octopus
Clams
Oysters
Mussels
Scallops
Conch
Escargot, whatever type of snail that is

ECHINODERMS
Sea urchin

REPTILIANS
Alligator

MISCELLANY / UNIDENTIFIED
Tube Steak
Eggs
Caviar
Salmon Roe
Tube-shaped meat I found in Wonton Soup & wrote to unnamed Soup Behemoth about
Bologna
Liverwurst
Olive Loaf
Headcheese (sült)
Spam
Jerky
Blood Sausage
Scorpion (it was in a lollipop)
Meat Loaf

MEATS I WILL NEVER EAT
Insect
Spider
Monkey

Spider Monkey
Manatee
Horse
Zebra
Any African exotic meat, except maybe gazelle or antelope
Any mammalian or avian predator
Brain
Tripe
Tongue
Ovary
Rodents
Cat
Snake
Dog
Human (unless stranded)
Baby Seal
Whale

With any luck, this list will grow & grow as I discover and remember more meats. This may in fact be the very best post I have ever written.

Holiday Mutterings!

2008-12-30T11:25:00.000-05:00

Tree ::
Glitter ::
Snow ::
White ::
Wrap ::
Toast ::
New ::
Stocking ::
Midnight ::
Kiss ::

oh for crying out loud.

2008-12-29T08:56:00.001-05:00

Reason #313 why I Love my Job

2008-12-04T18:30:00.000-05:00

... because of what Allie wrote in her "hint box" on my recent physics quiz ...

Reader participation:

2008-12-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

Twirling Girl has left a new comment on your post "I never cried so hard.":

Please use this word verification in a sentence:

minest

Blogthings is my biznotch.

2008-11-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

What Your Cute Monster
Says About You

You are a very natural, real person. You're comfortable with who you are - and your spirit truly shines through.

You are free of inhibitions and hang ups. Because of this freedom, you tend to be very creative.

Your inner demon is greed. You can't help but lust after wealth and shiny objects.

People think you're cute because you are so lively. Your natural glow makes you charming.

The Cute Monster Test

Something fun for you to do!

2008-11-27T09:23:00.000-05:00

Color the turkey!!!

[Repost]: The best stuffing in the world!!!

2008-11-26T14:24:00.001-05:00

This is my annual stuffing recipe, carved from the pages of the November 2000 issue of Bon Apetit. It is with great hesitation (yet great love) that I share it with you. If you follow the recipe, this is a prizewinner.

I am pleased, yet disturbed.

2008-11-23T19:15:00.000-05:00

I keep forgetting ...

2008-11-12T19:19:00.001-05:00

The Onion

Unconscious Mutterings extravaganza!

2008-11-10T06:40:00.001-05:00

#301

In love ::

Be my guest ::

Number one ::

Swallowed whole ::

50 percent ::

Made in ::

Supplement ::

Right for ::

Endless ::

Ceramic ::

Unconscious Mutterings, again.

2008-11-09T06:40:00.000-05:00

#300

Contemplate ::

In the house ::

Classical ::

Quest ::

Best friend ::

1991 ::

Never will ::

Fool ::

Unhappy ::

Best man ::

Just catching up.

2008-11-08T06:30:00.000-05:00

#299

Magical ::

Shrimp ::

Project Runway ::

Economy ::

Porch ::

State of affairs ::

.com ::

Fifty cents ::

Ripping ::

Bull ::

The sky is up to something.

2008-11-07T06:30:00.000-05:00

August 2008

Brewster, MA

ooooohhhhhh

2008-11-06T06:30:00.000-05:00

We are 80.

2008-11-05T06:40:00.001-05:00

Twin-sis Twirling Girl and I turned 40
in the wee hours of this morning!!!

Please use the following word verification in a sentence.

2008-11-04T21:28:00.000-05:00

I see Johnny

2008-11-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

This is just one of many pumpkins that I saw at a
Jack-o-Lantern exhibit recently.
Delicious!

It was chilly & drizzly at the beach that day.

2008-11-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

Jamwall and I went to Cape Cod for a mini-getaway together, and played with our camera and umbrella one windy, drizzly day at Race Point. The rest of this photo series is quite idiotic, so I am only sharing this one.

Grilled Chicken Dinner

2008-11-01T21:09:00.001-05:00

Here's a meal I cooked. I cooked the chicken on the grill for 3 hours, wrapped in foil & stuffed with rosemary and onions. Then I made gravy, and corn salad. Served with cous cous and wine ... it was yum.

With a nod to Mitch Hedberg

2008-10-20T05:30:00.000-05:00

What does a sesame seed grow into?
What the f is a sesame???

Bom bom bom bom wooooooooo

2008-10-13T09:45:00.000-05:00

Bom bom bom bom wooooooooo

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-10-13T05:30:00.000-05:00

#298

Oh, fun.

2008-10-02T17:20:00.001-05:00

1954

Yearbook Yourself!!!

This is the best thing I have ever seen.

2008-09-25T07:55:00.001-05:00

Dallas School Districts

Opening Convocation

(delivered by a 3rd grader)

Captain Bess Flint, at your service!

2008-09-23T22:40:00.001-05:00

My pirate name is:

Captain Bess Flint

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-09-21T08:40:00.000-05:00

#295

Heist ::
Hack ::
Dane ::
Stings ::
Monkey ::
Junkie ::
Pumped ::
Brass ::
Fight! ::
Vouch ::

I love my job, part 2

2008-09-19T12:15:00.002-05:00

One of my students baby-sits for Neil Armstrong's grandkids. One of them told her that they were in school one day, and in class they did a jigsaw puzzle of his Pop-Pop. He has no idea why. (He's only four). That is so cute.

I love my job.

2008-09-15T11:00:00.001-05:00

We were doing concept maps about our pre-knowledge of space/astronomy. Note how "God" is listed under Space People (along with Luke Skywalker and Galileo, among others) and how he "lives in" Heaven, grouped under The Unknown Universe (along with the Big Bang).

Really, my work is done here. What can I possibly have left to tell them??