July 22, 2006

Even in These Hallowed Halls

Oh, it began innocently enough; 25 women of assorted ages sitting around in the shade, drinking iced tea and ginger punch, talking about placentas and labor and baby names, idly poking at the pink and blue balloons that threatened to embed themselves in our cake frosting with the breeze.

Then it all started to slowly fall apart, marching us blindly towards the demise of all that is good and wholesome. Tilting us ever closer to the brink.

Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals had found us ... even here, in the very heart of wholesomeness: the Sunday afternoon baby shower.

Gaze, if you can bear it, upon the horror.

Teddy Bear in Bunny Rabbit's clothing;
The devil's own minion.

And then, as if to mock our pain, this monstrosity emerged:

Monkey Parts Embedded in a Blanket.

I don't know about you, but I know a certain someone who would be deeply unsettled by these images. For starters, the little simian body is literally divided into three pieces:

(1) The head-torso portion
(2) The legs-abdomen portion
(3) The rear-end-tail portion (see it again!):

Second -- Do you mean to tell me that somebody actually means to wrap the impressionable and trusting little body of an infant in this depravity?

You see my friends, we must be vigilant. We cannot rest for a fraction of an instant in our quest to protect the world from the encroachment of these evils.

Keep your eyes peeled, and alert me immediately of any further incidents.


Madge said...

Monkey Parts Embedded in a Blanket.

Ewwwwww. A monstrosity, indeed.

(I miss Monkey.)

Madge said...

PS: That was totally the gift you gave, wasn't it?

Tits McGee said...

That is so wrong in so many ways.

Poor Monkey.

b.e. earl said...

That monkey thing is the most god awful (hey..good two word pairing) monstrosity I have ever seen.

The hind part was really unsettling!


wv: mokcmen (Very close to monkey men...in my brain at least. Better than mock semen)

Rrramone said...

That reminds me, I have a photo to send you. heh heh.

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

The blanket reminds me of a ghost I saw once.

Kat said...

Wow. Is that yours? To keep? I've never been so endowed. Again I wonder, is scaring children necessary for healthy development? Although, once my 2 year old was given a troll-like babydoll that reeked of cigarettes. She instantly named it crazy baby.
"mama, that baby crazy."
Maybe horror is inherent in children.

tuuna taco said...

I have one word...consignment!!

jamwall said...

my gobstopper prize has arrived!

film at 11.

Bill said...

That monkey looks like steamroller roadkill. Was it in a Roadrunner cartoon?

DaMasta said...

Where's the penis?

FRITZ said...

i think i'm gonna be sick. this is by far the most disgusting, deformed thing my eyes have ever gazed upon.

i wonder if it's way soft and snuggly.