March 05, 2007

Meditations on a Fleeting Streak of Green (a.k.a. Reposting is in fashion)

I would love to see the Green Flash. Is that too big a request, sir? Hmm? Just once would be nice. One blink of emerald light to last a lifetime.

Is there anything lovelier than the chalk hopscotch scrawled on the sidewalk in front of the pizza place? Who plays hopscotch anymore? Somebody does, apparently … I love knowing that.

What is up with all the
kids in wheelchairs in textbooks? I know it’s politically correct and all, but I counted 6 kids in wheelchairs in a textbook with 37 kids pictured. That’s like … a lot%!!!! In a school of our size (1100 kids), that would mean 178.4 kids in chairs. Come on now; let’s be a little more representative of the true population, people. And who wants to see 2/5 of a kid rolling around the halls? Not me. (I’ll explain the math later – shoot me an email and I’ll lay it out in color blocks for ya)

My friend B and I were talking about the childhood truths that come out in blogging, and then she shared that she used to make her boy doll and her girl doll hump. That would be OK I guess, if they weren’t
Donny and Marie. Even though you know those two totally rode the pony. At least once.

I don’t really like the Beatles. I never have liked them. I know -- horrible. I have never admitted it before. Now please just punch my ticket so that I can go directly to hell.

My dad is so funny. And so very silly. He never says "bird". He always says "boid". He even went so far as to re-label the buckets of sunflower seeds for the birdfeeder. See? He also says, "when did you first loin of pork?" every time we eat pork loin. I scream every time, but I would miss it if he didn't say it, and wonder what was wrong.

On second thought ... there is no hell. Except the one we make for ourselves. Ditto heaven. This is what I think. Won’t I be surprised when I find out I was so so so wrong.

I think the line “driving the skin bus to tuna town” is one of the funniest euphemisms for sex that I have heard. Likewise, “laying cable” for pooping. Think you can do better?

I made up new words to the Nelly Furtado song “I’m Like a Bird”, and it went like this: “I’m like a turd, I’ll only float away-ayyyy … I don’t know where my home is … I don’t know where my bowl is …” I thought it was the funniest thing ever.

It may seem from this post that I love toilet humor, but generally I think that it is juvenile and I act very holier-than-thou when people break out their poop jokes in front of me.

Oh, and WTF
?!?!? This just makes me angry. Ignorant assholes.

I decided it's childish and teen-like to have a
crush on Johnny (that'll be Mr. Depp to you) so I have matured. It's all about Matthew MacFadyen now.
Is it me, or does Paula Abdul clap her hands like a goddam seal? I think she is a seal; I found photo evidence. [ps, It's sea lions that clap. not seals, but the word seal is just much funnier]

I sing in the car, but never the melody. I harmonize with every song that comes on. Such is the plight of the alto.

Every week I think, Oh …. I hope I make it to Friday. If I can just make it to 3 pm, I will be fine. Why do I think I won’t make it? Just what do I think is going to happen? I don’t know. I just need to hang in there, is all. Just keep hangin’ in there.


Juliabohemian said...

I grew up listening to the Beatles (on a daily basis). I was named after one of their songs which is one The White Album. By the time I was about 19 or so, I had pretty much had my fill of them. Occassionally I will hear one of their songs and leave it on the radio. But, for the most part I have really HAD ENOUGH.

Quilting Girl said...

First of all, I love LOve LOVE that someone else noticed Paula's clap. I am personally bothered by her extremely short fingers - check them out... they're creepy!

Second, we should start up a band. I can do the instrumentals, you the altos - do I hear someone for the melody? Bueller?

larry h. said...

Growing during the 70s in a British colony meant that I had to be subjected to a daily bombardment of Beatles. And then there was the Bee Gees, not going to go there. Matthew Macfayden, eh? There was a show on A&E called MI-5 sort of the British version of Alias except a bit more realistic. He played one of their key operatives. Bloody awesome series. I think A&E stopped showing it. Bugger.
P.S. I think that song "I'm like a bird" was actually sung by Nelly Furtado (just one of the useless facts orbiting the neurosphere in my noggin).

jamwall said...

i've written my own textbooks, all the kids have cowbells and facial hair--even the girls.

do you think i might have overdone it?

MadMeer said...

All of my dolls humped. When I ran out of barbies, I would pretend with stuffed animals. Sick, I know.

Matthew MacFadyen looks a little constipated in that picture. Push! PUUUUUSH!

If there is a hell, Paula Abdul belongs there.

Mr. Meer hates the beatles too. I excuse this because he is an Elvis fan. Do you like Elvis? HMMM HMMM?? The Monkeys will also suffice.

Spinning Girl said...

Oh yes, Nelly Furtado. Nelly/Natalie Imbruglia, w/e. I knew it was one of them bitches. I will make the correction posthaste.

And The Monkees? As in, hey hey we're the?

Bee Gess --eh, OK

Bring on the Tori Amos and the Peter Gabriel. PG IN THE HOUUUUUSE!

Spinning Girl said...

"Bee Gess" is an Estonian band much like the bee Gees, in case you thought that was a typo back there.

Lee Ann said...

Yes, I can't stand the way Paula does remind me of a seal!

jamwall said...

nelly furtado's got very impressive armpit hair.

i should know, i knitted a sweater out of her underarm hair.

Bill said...

There is a rather long post in me that touches on many of these same topics but I don't have the time or energy to tap it out now. But it was running through my head last night as I was brushing my teeth.

One notion ... nothing on TV is important or worthwhile so why waste time on it? If it amuses fine; otherwise, turn it off. Ditto for radio, web sites etc. One nice thing about the world now is we have a lot more control over the crap that intrudes on our lives.

I'm too tired to blather. That's too bad ... it would have been a good blather. Or burble.

Kieran said...

I think it's perfectly acceptable not to love the Beatles, so long as you love Leonard Cohen. If you didn't that would be unforgivable. Hell is where you'd go, and it's real - it's a little place called Leeds.

Your Nelly songs is fantastic. I may steal it and pass it off as my own. Thanks for this incite into your world.

jiggs said...

I think the beatles are ok. I think their problem is that they just don't rock hard enough. For example, I think helter skelter is a great song. Why couldn't they rock like that more often?

In general, I don't think it matters what bands someone likes. This is one reason why hipsters don't accept me.

I think "dropping the kids off at the pool" is a great euphemism for pooing. Usually, however, I say "take a dump".

My father likes to say "it looks like it was plucked from a textile factory" because he was once hanging out with this british person who described something colorful with that phrase. And of course, his british accent is horrific.

I would be lying if i said I didn't check your math. especially after that 945%

FRITZ said...

This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing. By the by: I don't like the Beatles, either, so we'll both be travelling to that non-existent Hell that I don't believe in for real, either.

I want to BE a green flash.

I love you, Spinning Girl. I really, really do.

Blogarita said...

Isn't that song called "I'm Like a Boid?" That would make yours "I'm Like a Toid?"

Hyde said...

Ok since we're telling secrets... I still make my dolls hump.

Nelly Furtado has always made me think of the word "turd". Very appropriate.

I waited.

kimberlina said...

we totally share a crush. but i saw images of mr macfadyen w/ short lighter hair - not as cute. alas.

and i had the distinct... pleasure(?) of seeing a poop that was bent at a 45 degree angle!! how does this happen?!

scumbag said...

it's okay, nobody likes the beatles.

It's A Secret said...

Your dad's sounds funny! Mine has his own little language and is always "inventing" things - my poor mother.

And, yes! Kids still play hopscotch. The day after my brother-in-law had the driveway retarred - my neices went out with the sidewalk chalk!

Sleep Goblin said...

You cannot just dump Johnny Depp!!

canis lupus said...

Hellooo, Spinning Girl. Just came by to say hi. Yes, I did my nuptials several weekends ago. Yes, I'm no longer on the availability market, but then I wasn't even listed on it to begin with (oh burn!). It was outdoors, cherry blossom petals and all. Passed on the honeymoon. When I head off to Japan in June, we'll catch up on the HMing over there. Sorry folks, but growing up with an Irish father meant that I had to be subjected to all things Irish/British. Though he stayed away from the Sex Pistols. Couldn't escape that. I heard Paula was crying on the television some time ago about not finding love. How is that possible?
Now even though I'm married, I'll still say ... I simply adore your Ophelia-esque profile picture. Cara mia.

JJ said...

I sing in the car, too. Only, not when there's music on. Such is the plight of the tone deaf.

DaMasta said...

Claps?!? I can't stand the way Paula drunk-talks. Ya know, when you're so wasted/stoned/drunk/whatever that you just blurt out whatever stoopid azz thought comes popping into yer brain at the moment. She's like a retard, drunken, seal.

Beatles? Never hoyd of 'em. [Heyyy.. is that like the boid thing?]

It's never childish to like JD. N-e-v-e-r.

I never had dolls. I had stuffed animals. I played *school*. I had an overhead projector and everything. I worked math problems and gave out homework. I was often heard yelling and scolding my stuffed animals for interrupting the class or not getting the right answer on pop quizes.

Apparently, I had/have issues.

DaMasta said...


Dammit, now *I'm* retarded.


DaMasta said...

**and yes, I'm a control freak.

Still wanna make out?


Freiya said...

Oh! someone else who knows about the green flash! i havn't seen one yet either.....

DaMasta said...

I read Owen's comment as "when my brother-in-law had his driveway *retarded*"

BeckEye said...

I love to make up my own words to popular songs. Or "poopular", whatever the case may be. Someday I will marry Weird Al. It's meant to be.

wham bam thank you tammy said...

I love that you counted the pictures of kids in wheelchairs in a textbook.

Did you find me, bitch?

jamwall said...

another "best of" installment of spinnerina!

speaking of wheelchairs, brandon routh was making sure he'd be ready for a wheelchair now that he's the most recent superman.

likely, though, he'd probably get crippled from riding the skin bus to poopy tunnel.

Osbasso said...

I love your re-runs!

Madge said...

I love the re-runs, too!

Weary Hag said...

Beatles - I could always just take or leave them, however I will say that I thought George was kinda cute and I was sad when Lennon was killed, just cuz I think he had a kind heart.

ajooja said...

I'm about to piss my pants! Thanks. :)

Diedre said...

Thank you Spinning Girl!! Received the package today - very nice surprise!

Lee Ann said...

Paula is a seal...really good.
Yes, she totally claps like a sea lion.
I agree...Matthew MacFadyen is hot.
Hang in there til Friday 3:00. You can make it!

Kat said...

I cut one of my barbie's hair to be a boy because I never had a Ken. Then they dry humped.

Lauren said...

We laugh at potty humor in our house. This says less about our sense of humor and more about our exteme lack of boundries.

Anna said...

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS. I LOVE Matthew McFayden... I want to have his babies.. and that's saying something since I do plan to eat my young.....

Anna said...

Oh - almost forgot - my faves?

"Smokin' pole" - for ... you know


"pushin' cotton" - for whne your JUSST about to crap your pants...