Is there anything lovelier than the chalk hopscotch scrawled on the sidewalk in front of the pizza place? Who plays hopscotch anymore? Somebody does, apparently … I love knowing that.
What is up with all the kids in wheelchairs in textbooks? I know it’s politically correct and all, but I counted 6 kids in wheelchairs in a textbook with 37 kids pictured. That’s like … a lot%!!!! In a school of our size (1100 kids), that would mean 178.4 kids in chairs. Come on now; let’s be a little more representative of the true population, people. And who wants to see 2/5 of a kid rolling around the halls? Not me. (I’ll explain the math later – shoot me an email and I’ll lay it out in color blocks for ya)
My friend B and I were talking about the childhood truths that come out in blogging, and then she shared that she used to make her boy doll and her girl doll hump. That would be OK I guess, if they weren’t Donny and Marie. Even though you know those two totally rode the pony. At least once.
I don’t really like the Beatles. I never have liked them. I know -- horrible. I have never admitted it before. Now please just punch my ticket so that I can go directly to hell.
My dad is so funny. And so very silly. He never says "bird". He always says "boid". He even went so far as to re-label the buckets of sunflower seeds for the birdfeeder. See? He also says, "when did you first loin of pork?" every time we eat pork loin. I scream every time, but I would miss it if he didn't say it, and wonder what was wrong.
On second thought ... there is no hell. Except the one we make for ourselves. Ditto heaven. This is what I think. Won’t I be surprised when I find out I was so so so wrong.
I think the line “driving the skin bus to tuna town” is one of the funniest euphemisms for sex that I have heard. Likewise, “laying cable” for pooping. Think you can do better?
I made up new words to the Nelly Furtado song “I’m Like a Bird”, and it went like this: “I’m like a turd, I’ll only float away-ayyyy … I don’t know where my home is … I don’t know where my bowl is …” I thought it was the funniest thing ever.
It may seem from this post that I love toilet humor, but generally I think that it is juvenile and I act very holier-than-thou when people break out their poop jokes in front of me.
Oh, and WTF?!?!? This just makes me angry. Ignorant assholes.
I decided it's childish and teen-like to have a crush on Johnny (that'll be Mr. Depp to you) so I have matured. It's all about Matthew MacFadyen now.
Is it me, or does Paula Abdul clap her hands like a goddam seal? I think she is a seal; I found photo evidence. [ps, It's sea lions that clap. not seals, but the word seal is just much funnier]
I sing in the car, but never the melody. I harmonize with every song that comes on. Such is the plight of the alto.
Every week I think, Oh …. I hope I make it to Friday. If I can just make it to 3 pm, I will be fine. Why do I think I won’t make it? Just what do I think is going to happen? I don’t know. I just need to hang in there, is all. Just keep hangin’ in there.