I love all things King Arthur, as well as all things self-exploratory. So I decided to do a tarot reading on the question, Who is my Soul Mate?
Now, before we begin I should note that I don't really belieeeeve in Tarot, not really. I think it is fun, and helpful as a guide to my thinking. It isn't spooky or dangerous, like the Ouija board that my friend Elisa and I once used to talk to Chucky in the dorm lounge when we were college sophomores. We spent the next two days cowering and crying in the corner. The mystical Tarot is open to interpretation, whereas "I will saw through your Achilles tendon with a scalpel!!!" leaves very little wiggle room.
The spread of choice involves six cards thusly placed:
Now let us examine each of the cards more closely.
Who is My Soul Mate?
Card: The Empress (Guenevere)
Meaning: Beauty, intelligence, spiritual strength, renewal, creativity, good PR; wise, decisive businesswoman; maternal feelings and fertility; a kind and charitable woman who instills confidence and nurtures others.
Interpretation: I am a big lez, and my future wife kicks ass!
I jest, of course. This card is so obviously me (though it doesn't mention my humility); in the position of this question, I take it to mean that my soul mate is somebody who will enhance my best qualities.
Card: Ten of Spears (The Green Knight), reversed (reversed cards usually have a slightly tweaked meaning from the usual meaning of the card. For bad cards, reversal lessens the negative chi; for good cards, a reversal usually puts a taint on it)
Meaning: Self-defeat. Learning the hard way that there are no shortcuts to success. Being distracted by and succumbing to temptation. Walking into a trap.
Interpretation: Oh, f***ing great. My soul mate is married, in jail, a workoholic, a fur trapper, or a self-mutilator. OK, how can I Spinn positivity on this? Hmmm ... I will take this card to mean that both of us have gone through trials in our lives, and are finally ready to meet another person on hard-earned solid ground. We can meet as soon as I leave my house for a change. And as soon as his divorce comes through, I can move into his house.
Card: Knight of Swords (Gawain)
Meaning: A determined, intelligent young man; one who bravely faces opposition; a valiant champion of human rights; a skilled man with strong convictions; one who may be overeager to display heroics which cause him to misjudge the situation; a forthright person who refuses to compromise his principles.
Interpretation: Score! My soul mate is obviously Johnny Depp. And what we have in common is that ... well, that all of these qualities work for me, even the misjudging part. So he bought two dozen roses instead of one; I can forgive and forget. I am, after all, kind and charitable.
Position 4: What obstacles still must be overcome?
Card: Nine of Cups (Healing of the maimed King)
Meaning: Success; accomplishment; good health; kindness and compassion; overcoming obstacles (yeah, which ones, helloooo, oracle? wake up!); restored peace and happiness; gratitude and good will; relief and joyous celebrations; a team, united in vision, makes success a reality; sharing blessings with others; emotional well-being; the dawn of dreams; great satisfaction in a task well done.
Interpretation: This card rocks! Doesn't sound to me like the obstacles are really there; unless we turn to the Arthurian meaning, in which a wasteland is renewed with the healing of its maimed king and removal of all his pain. Maybe I have caused hurt to a kingly man, and I need his forgiveness. Then me & Johnny can get busy getting busy!
Card: Seven of Shields (Castle of Wonders)
Meaning: Treasures; bounty; Ingenuity and perseverance bring great gains; successfully handling a challenging and complex situation; patience and restraint prove to be appropriate; the steady, methodical removal of obstacles; concentrating and completing one task at a time allows for safe progress to greater heights.
Interpretation: Another kick-ass card! Obviously, this is just telling me to keep doing what I am doing. Also, to exercise patience and restraint; that's a tough one. Otherwise, just persevere. I can live with that.
Oh yeah, and I'll take out the trash. That might be a start.
Card: Knight of Cups (Galahad)
Meaning: An approaching opportunity for advancement; a tempting proposal which deserves serious consideration; an enthusiastic, active person who introduces one to new philosophies; a well-mannered, romantic man of high morals; one who constantly challenges himself; a person who genuinely appreciates the arts; a romantic interlude or marriage proposal; an unexpected gift.
Interpretation: I swear I did not hand-select these cards. The oracle loves me! That's what I get for leaving out 2% milk and Oreos for her every night.
All in all, a good reading. Maybe my soul mate is about to appear. He for sure isn't my current Man of the Hour, and not even Dennis the Dry Cleaner (although he does flirt with me and puts extra pleats in my pants without needing to be asked--that's love, right?). I sure hope it isn't this guy.
Sounds like when I do finally meet him, I am in for the time of my life. I guess I'll heed the doorbell next time instead of hiding in the laundry room; I just always think it's those Watchtower freaks. Maybe it's actually Sir Galahad, and I should answer it. I'm gonna go throw on some lip gloss and wait.