October 17, 2005

Quest for the Holy Grail

My relationship post and Lady of Shalott were meant to serve as introduction to this one.

Tennyson's poem of Lady of Shalott touches me deeply, especially as sung by Loreena McKennitt (lyrics here). She (the L. of S., not L. McK) sat locked in her tower, weaving, loving Lancelot from afar. Her solitude and despair grab hold of my soul. Look at her face in the Waterhouse painting. Have you ever felt like that? I know I have.

I love all things King Arthur, as well as all things self-exploratory. So I decided to do a tarot reading on the question, Who is my Soul Mate?

To do this, I used the beautiful imagery of the Arthurian Tarot and a variety of resources, including a book of made-to-order tarot spreads.

Now, before we begin I should note that I don't really belieeeeve in Tarot, not really. I think it is fun, and helpful as a guide to my thinking. It isn't spooky or dangerous, like the Ouija board that my friend Elisa and I once used to talk to Chucky in the dorm lounge when we were college sophomores. We spent the next two days cowering and crying in the corner. The mystical Tarot is open to interpretation, whereas "I will saw through your Achilles tendon with a scalpel!!!" leaves very little wiggle room.

The spread of choice involves six cards thusly placed:

Each card position represents a question to be addressed by the selected card:

Here is how my spread appeared:

Now let us examine each of the cards more closely.

Who is My Soul Mate?

Position 1: What does my soul mate look like?

Card: The Empress (Guenevere)

Meaning: Beauty, intelligence, spiritual strength, renewal, creativity, good PR; wise, decisive businesswoman; maternal feelings and fertility; a kind and charitable woman who instills confidence and nurtures others.

Interpretation: I am a big lez, and my future wife kicks ass!

I jest, of course. This card is so obviously me (though it doesn't mention my humility); in the position of this question, I take it to mean that my soul mate is somebody who will enhance my best qualities.

Position 2: How can we meet?

Card: Ten of Spears (The Green Knight), reversed (reversed cards usually have a slightly tweaked meaning from the usual meaning of the card. For bad cards, reversal lessens the negative chi; for good cards, a reversal usually puts a taint on it)

Meaning: Self-defeat. Learning the hard way that there are no shortcuts to success. Being distracted by and succumbing to temptation. Walking into a trap.

Interpretation: Oh, f***ing great. My soul mate is married, in jail, a workoholic, a fur trapper, or a self-mutilator. OK, how can I Spinn positivity on this? Hmmm ... I will take this card to mean that both of us have gone through trials in our lives, and are finally ready to meet another person on hard-earned solid ground. We can meet as soon as I leave my house for a change. And as soon as his divorce comes through, I can move into his house.

Position 3: What do we have in common?

Card: Knight of Swords (Gawain)

Meaning: A determined, intelligent young man; one who bravely faces opposition; a valiant champion of human rights; a skilled man with strong convictions; one who may be overeager to display heroics which cause him to misjudge the situation; a forthright person who refuses to compromise his principles.

Interpretation: Score! My soul mate is obviously Johnny Depp. And what we have in common is that ... well, that all of these qualities work for me, even the misjudging part. So he bought two dozen roses instead of one; I can forgive and forget. I am, after all, kind and charitable.

Position 4: What obstacles still must be overcome?

Card: Nine of Cups (Healing of the maimed King)

Meaning: Success; accomplishment; good health; kindness and compassion; overcoming obstacles (yeah, which ones, helloooo, oracle? wake up!); restored peace and happiness; gratitude and good will; relief and joyous celebrations; a team, united in vision, makes success a reality; sharing blessings with others; emotional well-being; the dawn of dreams; great satisfaction in a task well done.

Interpretation: This card rocks! Doesn't sound to me like the obstacles are really there; unless we turn to the Arthurian meaning, in which a wasteland is renewed with the healing of its maimed king and removal of all his pain. Maybe I have caused hurt to a kingly man, and I need his forgiveness. Then me & Johnny can get busy getting busy!

Position 5: What task is yet to be completed?

Card: Seven of Shields (Castle of Wonders)

Meaning: Treasures; bounty; Ingenuity and perseverance bring great gains; successfully handling a challenging and complex situation; patience and restraint prove to be appropriate; the steady, methodical removal of obstacles; concentrating and completing one task at a time allows for safe progress to greater heights.

Interpretation: Another kick-ass card! Obviously, this is just telling me to keep doing what I am doing. Also, to exercise patience and restraint; that's a tough one. Otherwise, just persevere. I can live with that.

Oh yeah, and I'll take out the trash. That might be a start.

Position 6: What does the oracle say about our future together?

Card: Knight of Cups (Galahad)

Meaning: An approaching opportunity for advancement; a tempting proposal which deserves serious consideration; an enthusiastic, active person who introduces one to new philosophies; a well-mannered, romantic man of high morals; one who constantly challenges himself; a person who genuinely appreciates the arts; a romantic interlude or marriage proposal; an unexpected gift.

Interpretation: I swear I did not hand-select these cards. The oracle loves me! That's what I get for leaving out 2% milk and Oreos for her every night.

All in all, a good reading. Maybe my soul mate is about to appear. He for sure isn't my current Man of the Hour, and not even Dennis the Dry Cleaner (although he does flirt with me and puts extra pleats in my pants without needing to be asked--that's love, right?). I sure hope it isn't this guy.

Sounds like when I do finally meet him, I am in for the time of my life. I guess I'll heed the doorbell next time instead of hiding in the laundry room; I just always think it's those Watchtower freaks. Maybe it's actually Sir Galahad, and I should answer it. I'm gonna go throw on some lip gloss and wait.


Weary Hag said...

You crack me up. I hope it isn't the pinhead guy either ... somehow, I doubt it!

I love that you perceive taking out the trash as a good start to perseverence. You sometimes remind me of me. Egad, I don't know if that's a good thing - for you!

midwest_hick said...

You take out the garbage?.....Lemme know your address....lol

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You'd be a sure thing at a Renaissance festival.

babyjewels said...

I've forgotten everything after seeing that picture. Yikes.

B.O.B.I. said...

Hm, I'ma go ahead and guess it's...

Used Hack?

No, wait, Calzone.

Lee Ann said...

That is interesting! I would like doing that for fun sometime, very cool!

Tanya Kristine said...

geesh. you're pretty freakin'funny girl!!! where've you been all my life??

(Playing on the lesbian card..heh..heh..)

No. i'm not.

LBseahag said...

That was awesome...you really could have a side career with this tarot thing. you have the gift!

that pinhead scared me more than Verbal Vomit Bobby's mannequins...

Calzone said...

Are you Wasted???

Monkey's Human said...

I got to the part about Johnny Depp... was there more after that?

Monkey said...

My soul mate is married, in jail, a workoholic, a fur trapper, or a self-mutilator.

Sounds like a ripping good time. Note to self: do not allow Spinning Girl to do Tarot reading for Monkey.

jamwall said...

i didn't see one flippin cowbell anywhere. what the hell?? what does the tarot have against me?

FRITZ said...

Why is that swampy song playing in my head? "The Best is Yet to Come..da da da da"

What I enjoy about all things Ouija...Is it real? Is it my subconcious? Am I going to Hell? Generally, we find ways to hear what we need to hear in order to continue on a path of faith, regardless of the name.

Did those Jehovah people really MEAN to inspire a Jimi Hendrix song everytime they advertise..?

When you go to the grocery store, do you take your arm along the entire shelf and dump it all into your cart? I didn't think so...you pick and choose what is right for your pantry...religion is much the same...I think.

Madge said...

Just let me know when Madame Ruby shows up.

Alistair! said...

I..well..I really don't know what to say, you and calzone were obviously meant for each other. Good blog...goes on list...ugga..ugga.

Calzone said...

I love Johnny Depp too. He's so deep, I hear he lives in Europe.

BadGod said...

I quote--"Here is how my spread appears."

The pic below is not of you spread.

That is a misleading statement meant to keep the people, of "dirty minds" as myself, to keep scrolling in hopes of seeing said spread. Now, I am gonna have to photoshop a pic of a woman's spread on that pic and......

Cap'n Marrrrk said...

I am humbled by the amount of work you put into your blog