October 31, 2005

Purge 2


Sometimes I buy a rotisserie chicken and just rip into it like a velociraptor. I douse the whole thing in salt and tear the limbs off of it. I slice the meat off in huge hunks. The only eating utensil I use is a knife. Soon, only bones remain. Then I go outside and scream my triumph to the neighborhood. Well, not so much scream triumphantly, as go in the bathroom and wash the grease off my chin.


I am ridiculously vain about my hair. Strangers will come up to me and compliment my hair, sometimes, ask me where I get it done. I tell them, and smile, and thank them, but secretly under my hair I am thinking, "Hellz yeah, it's gorgeous! It is a Love Mane! I have the power! Good luck getting yours to look like this!" I am such an asshole about it. I think God (if he ever comes out of my iPod) will probably make me bald to teach me a lesson, just like He made me leave the sunglasses I was so vain about in the bathroom at Fiumicino Airport in Rome. Photo: SG & her sister TT on TT's wedding day

In my dreams, I can fly. But I never soar high in a kettle of hawks, as I should. I just get a really good running start, lift my legs, and soar for short distances across the ground. So I guess it isn't really flying, more like gliding. Yes, in my dreams I am basically a bipedal, land-based flying fish. Sometimes I crash into a bush. My dreams suck.





Years ago, at a convention in Springfield, Massachusetts, I met this man. He had one talent: the ability to hang sideways on a light post. He could hang like this for several minutes. It was quite impressive; a real traffic-stopper. I think about his upper arm strength a lot, and how handy that would have come in with all the babies we could have had together. Ha ha! Not really (yes really)!
I am just amazed by his gymnastic feats (& arms) is all.

I almost can't believe what a babe I was when I was in 8th grade. Check it out! Do you like the glasses? I still have them. I use them for starting emergency fires when I get stranded.

This has been another trip on the seemingly endless river of consciousness. I owe these entries to my longish commute; you'd be amazed what spills out of your deepest psyche when you're stuck behind a school bus for 3 miles.

20 comments:

jiggs said...

I can do the much easier sideways pole hang using my abs to straighten my legs out. In other words I can make any street sign into a plus sign. Perhaps that isn't enough for you to want to make babies with me, but would it be enough for a boobful hug?

jiggs said...

Also, let me add that you have great hair.

Lee Ann said...

That chicken looks nasty! Your hair IS beautiful!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I love making order of your randomness.

BTW, I LOVE the glasses.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I love making order of your randomness.

BTW, I LOVE the glasses.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

That hanging sideways trick is cool, but only works on really windy days, so it's not all that good.

jamwall said...

i can hang sideways inside the pole!

yeah....impressive..

Yoda said...

You do have amazing hair.

*stare*

mdrock said...

I watched a girl dance with a pole once, does that count? And oh yeah, it is indeed wonderful being a carnivore :-)

Lulu said...

Everytime I see rotisserie chicken now, I think of that scene from "Girl, Interupted" when Ange Jolie finds Brittany Murphy's chicken collection.

JAX said...

I got rid of my glasses by eigth grade! You were the hottie!

babyjewels said...

Isn't it amazing you still have the glasses from 8th grade, but you lose the gorgeous ones on vacation? That is how my life is too.

FRITZ said...

A. It's TOTALLY okay to have hair vanity. I have hair vanity, as well. Being blonde and hott doesn't mean you are vain. It just means that you know what your crowning glory is. So, totally excusable.

B. You certainly MAY come over and hang out. We'll flip through poetry books and watch X-files, and brush our beautiful tresses.

C. You were a total hotty in 8th grade. Man, you make me look like an ewok or something. I was such a troll. I think I still am one.

Shanshu said...

I do the SAME thing in my dreams, when I fly. I never soar high above the ground or anything...I also do the whole "run fast and jump hard and soar for a bit" thing, like a super-jump, rather than flying.

Perhaps our minds are too logical to allow us to fly. that sucks.

miss kendra said...

you were way hawt in eighth grade.

i had glasses just like those.

thus, by internets logic, i will hereby declare myself hawt as well.

JJ said...

I like the river of your consciousness. It's got some nice shoals, a couple of cat 5 hydraulics, and really great hair. Where do you get it done?

Weary Hag said...

You do have mahhhvelous hair.

I love the guy with the pole trick. Of course, we all know that you were just holding your camera at a tilt, but that's okay. *evil grin*

The glasses are the BEST! I still have mine from about 20 years ago and they are killer huge. I'll have to remember to take them with me camping ... thanks for the idea!

Madge said...

I can't stand it: you're one funny goose.

LBseahag said...

I bet Amy Campbell was jealous of you in 8th grade...
she is someday gonna cut off your hair in your sleep...

LBseahag said...

Any guy who can do magic with a pole is fine with me...do you have his number? can I have it?