July 18, 2015

Meditation a la Mode

I am just sitting here, eating some ice cream and thinking deep thoughts. To wit:


  • A very small spider has taken up residence in the corner of my office. It is a S.A.S. (spider of acceptable size), so I will leave it alone. I hope it doesn’t decide to walk across my lips in the night.
  • When my twin sister and I were 5, we went to a birthday party that included a trip to the movies to see “Snoopy Come Home”. There’s a part where the Peanuts kids are singing, “Snooooopy, Snoooooopy, oh won’t you come home, come home, come home?” It is so sad. It tears you up inside. We started to bawl; we were inconsolable. Our mother had to come get us.
  • We were always that way, getting each other worked up. We’d lie awake at night in our shared bedroom saying things to each other like, “wait … what if mom and dad …die?!?!?! Waaaah!” and then we’d barge in on my parents for comfort after working each other up into a red-alert fit.
  • The Honda Element is butt ugly. I actually threw up a little in my mouth when one passed me today.
  • When I was six, I threw a giant rock into Lake Huron. Well, I threw it towards Lake Huron. At the precise moment it reached her area, my younger sister stood up and the rock ended its trajectory on the back of her 2-year-old skull. Twin sister & I stifled her screams because we didn’t want to get in trouble. Don’t worry, she was fine and later we told our mother (when we were 17).
  • I just can’t wear a do-rag the way I did back then, young & carefree in Key West.

  • I really, really miss Jim Henson. Viscerally. Deep in my belly. I love The Dark Crystal! I love when Kira is calling for those stilt-walker things and she yells, “kama leyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” I love when Aughra sniffs Jem and says, “Looks like a gelfling. Smells like a gelfling. Maybe you are a gelfling!!” I love the whole surreal, slow, mystical quality of it.

  • And did anyone else have a pleasant, albeit disturbing, semi-erotic response to the dog-dragon thing in Never-Ending Story? He’s this giant, strong, undulating, furry beast. How could I not feel a tingle?




    • Somebody I know, after reading my comment about waking up in the dead of night with fears, shared the following: For years I used to wake up and check to make sure my breasts and vagina were still there. I had heard that people changed gender, and I thought it happened spontaneously. Just wanted to make sure everything was intact (She finally stopped a few years ago, when she turned 45).

  • I think I might have actually failed Organic Chemistry II, but the professor gave me a mercy D- because I used to go to his office hours every single day. For extra help, you sickies!
  • I got a 7% on my Calculus IV final exam. That's zero-seven. I was done in 23 minutes & spent the next hour and a half drawing bunnies all over my test. I was on Dean’s List every semester except the one after that calculus class (and organic); that semester I was on Academic Probation.
  • I did an independent study in Chemistry that consisted mostly of going out to lunch for Rocks & Wings with my professor. And trying to fix the mass spectrophotometer, which we never managed to do. And learning to shoot a revolver (picture later—in I Might be White Trash VI).
  • I saw somebody I knew at the grocery store today and I ran & hid behind the organic dairy display until she passed. I just wasn’t in the mood.
  • There’s a mentally challenged man who works in the cafeteria at my work, and every time he sees me he asks me the same exact question. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or compassionate. Aren’t I allowed to be annoyed by people, even though they are retarded? Dude, I answered you the first 54 times!!! I hate that I feel guilty for thinking “please shut up” every day, in my mind, at him.
  • I don’t really like Halloween that much. I plan to go out & leave my house dark. Yeah, it’ll be an egg magnet, but at least I won’t have to rummage through my pantry & give the kids canned goods when I run out of candy, like I did last year.
  • 28 comments:

    babyjewels said...

    I saw somebody I knew at the grocery store today and I ran & hid behind the organic dairy display until she passed.

    Make that someone your exhusband, and you and I could be twins. I also have a size rule on spiders. I love the SAS. They're sassy spiders.

    Justin said...

    If it's a very small brown recluse... kill it before it kills you... :P Ask Bobi about the last recluse that bit me. :P

    UberGoober said...

    I think you need to lay off the Ice Cream, it's messing with your mind.

    Shanshu said...

    No, I've never found Falcor from Neverending story to be in any way erotic. I think you might be alone on that one.

    Dark Crystal always scared me as a kid. I'm not sure why.

    Your academic probation picture made me laugh outloud.

    Pizzle and I literally fought with all of out might to pass Calculus II...after class we always felt the need to drink mass amounts of beer to help get the crap out of our heads. Good think there were bars so close to campus...

    BadGod said...

    I AM undulating right NOW!

    Danius Maximus said...

    I was with you up until getting tingles and jingles from the dragon dog. thats wierd. but you're still cool

    kimberlina said...

    so, supposedly you eat a certain # of spiders in your lifetime unbeknowst to you while sleeping. pretty gross, eh? are you sure it's of acceptable eating size?

    also, i have to take organic chem i & ii as well. was it really that bad? are horror stories of 5 pages of differential equations true?! say it ain't so!

    Lulu said...

    I was far too challenged for a class as complex as Calc. I was a Finite person. Except, my Finite class was an extrememly dumbed-down version...stretched out over 2 semesters.

    I generally leave most spiders alone. They kill other bugs, so they are alright with me. My boyfriend would kill them all on sight if I didn't stop him.

    Juliabohemian said...

    I threw a rock at my sister's head, when I was 4. She was 6. I lied about it and told my Mom it was the boy next door. Later the truth was discovered. My Mom still brings that up.

    I do the Skexies noise to crack up my kids mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmm.

    Marisa said...

    Dark Crystal was ok, but Willow is better! "I am not a peck!!" I used to have a polar bear skin sleeping bag, that had a face on it that looked like Falcor ... ahh, if only they made that in an adult length now! Spiders - are fine unless found in the bedroom or the kitchen. I have a strict rule about this. Whether they are relocated or smashed depends on my mood at the time. O Chem - I survived it, and I have the t-shirt to prove it!

    LBseahag said...

    Just wait til that spider disappears and you wake up with a hacking cough....


    Got milk?

    Used Hack said...

    I loved The Dark Crystal too. In fact, I thought it (and the original Beastmaster) :) were better than LOTR.

    I'm serious, but I only say it to piss you off. :)

    Cupcake said...

    heh- I threw scissors at my sister's head. She has a Harry Potter scar now.

    We couldn't hide THAT one from Mom.

    Madge said...

    The Dark Crystal still makes me shudder in fear. I could never make it through the whole thing...

    Bobby said...

    The year that VCR's became the "in" thing, my little brother, who mastered the VCR before anyone else, recorded The Neverending Story and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

    I have a hard time watching either now, as I watched them at least 500 times that year.

    And commenting on the comment thread... I have been bitten by a brown recluse. I lived in Texas for years, avoided rattlesnakes and scorpions, moved here and got bit.

    Justin saved me with an ER trip. Moral: Kill all Spiders.

    Lee Ann said...

    I don't have a twin sister, but I do have a sister 2 years younger than myself. We used to do the same thing - getting each other all worked up over "what ifs"! You had me laughing so hard with that Honda Element comment. It truly is an ugly car, and I wonder all of the time what would possess someone to ever want one. (The throwing up a little in your mouth was the kicker!)

    Harry Yak said...

    sas spider? i thought you meant the spider was a member of the elite british comandoes. thought maybe he was conducting a secret mission to take over your house.

    "He’s this giant, strong, undulating, furry beast." you are so talking about me, not that dog/dragon. yaks baby thats what i'm talking about.

    Cap'n Marrrrk said...

    Eye Scream, U Scream

    Whee! Awl Scream, for Eye Scream!

    You are a very colorful weirdo. The world needs more people like you.

    Calzone said...

    I so wanted to screw that dog thing.

    sweet trini said...

    i have a younger sister who i tricked into almost drowning herself. they saved her.
    and i hide from people too. grocery and every one of the few times i go to the mall.
    and i missed you on flash fiction friday.
    walk good.

    sweet trini said...

    and i miss jim henson deeply too.
    also been meaning to tell you i love the current photo.
    walk good.

    Ben O. said...

    Throwing up a little sucks. There is never any water around when it happens and the burn . . . oh baby, the burn.

    Wow - Ben O.

    Friends of McDougal said...

    Your disorder is our gift.

    Have you ever written fiction?

    Friends of McDougal said...

    Wait "until she passed" ... you mean ... you waited until she died?

    Was she sick when she came into the store, or did you wait there until she aged and died restfully in her sleep at the age of 91?

    I don't usually comment on my word verifications, but mine here is rozmox, which I believe was the maiden name of one of the rodents of unusual size, which I thought of because of your spider comment.

    Ryan said...

    I live my life by non-sequitir random thoughts and it makes me happy that this entry does the same. Your blog is great, thanks for the enjoyable reading.

    aklcopqs: Another Kind and Lovely Codfish Occupies a Problematic and Questionable Space.

    Brookelina said...

    My big brother took me to see the Snoopy movie and I distinctly remembering him crying like a baby. What a great memory!

    Calvin said...

    One would hope that if you had stopped by the professor's office every single day for something other than extra help, you would have received more than a D-. Otherwise, one would have to feel at least a little bit sorry for any partner that you might ever have.

    Jenna Catlin said...

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