Keep a donkey, a real donkey, for a pet.
When their cat gets out, you feed it albacore
so that it prefers your house.
Paint the side of your house that
faces them hot pink or tequila green.
Put your junk mail in their mailbox.
Call the cops if they laugh a little too loud
at their family barbecue.
Cook seafood on the grill every day.
Cut all the branches off your side of
any of their trees that cross the property line.
Start mowing your lawn at 6:30 Sunday morning.
Play Broadway show tunes on your garage radio 24-7
your roof for the whole year. Lit.
Two words: Guinea Hens.
Have all your friends drive really s-l-o-w-l-y
past their house when they visit, to freak them out.